DH got drunk with my daughter(his stepdaughter) and her friend

[ByTealDreamer]

I am trying to figure out if i am overreacting or not. I allowed my daughter and her friend to hace a drink at a sleepover over the weekend (with the friends parents permission of course), and my DH decided he would sit there and get drunk with them alone and discuss some questionable subjects. My daughter and her friend are both under 16, though i wont specify exact ages. am i wrong for think that him discussing topics such as anti-muslim hate(something i by no means agree with), pedophilia, transphobia and other controversial topics, with two young and impressionable teenage girls whilst they had had a drink was out of line and absolutely absurd?!
please give me some opinions cause i cant tell if im seeing it for something it is not.

I agree @StripeySoc this really does reek to high heavens of grooming,
💩💩💩👹👹👹👹👹👹

Sorry- but normalising two y derange teenagers drinking in the first place is utterly ridiculous to begin with, compound that with your husband drinking late at night with two underage teenagers- it doesn't make you 'the cool family' but somewhere I would not be allowing my daughter back to overnight.

@ByTealDreamer

The Pretardery Creep of a Partner hoping that if he talks about grown up adult subjects and acts like a cool 😎 pseudo parent with your underage daughter and her friend
they will be just enough niave and gullible enough to think 🤔 that they are consirdered to thought of as being mature enough to be treated as an equals to himself,

and then the potent social acceptance lubricant that can definately for sure lower their inhibitions
Just as effective as a Creep spiking drinks at a night club to unspecting female that he finds acctractive..🍸

Pedo Alert ⚠️ 📢

am i wrong for think that him discussing topics such as anti-muslim hate(something i by no means agree with

Are you saying he was against the hatred of Muslims? Or that he doesn’t think it exists?

If the former, I don’t see why it‘s wrong to discuss that in normal circumstances? Standing against anti-Muslim hatred should not be a ‘controversial subject’. It should be a given.

However, I agree that drinking with two underage girls is disgusting behaviour and his motives are dubious, to say the least.

You are both grooming teenage girls to not be able to keep themselves safe from dangerous men, both of you., you don't see the risk so you aren't safe yourself. You haven't protected them at all. Oh I never thought this would happen, well it wouldn't have happened if you'd not given alcohol would it or had a partner who is safe to be around. Oh I didnt know he would do this, well thats the risk isn't it, you didn't see the risk or see it as unsafe. So concerning you don't understand how dangerous this is for them, for their lives in the future normalising drinking with an older man who is inappropriate and they have to put up with it because they are in your home and can't get away or complain. Grim that your peers in the community also think its ok to give their young teens drinks at sleepovers. I hope you confide in someone in real life who reports you.

He is not their dad, I wouldn't trust him drunk at all.

OK I’m guessing 14 seeing as you’re being cagey. Apologies if you have clarified the ages it’s hard to follow now you’ve switched accounts.

It’s pretty piss poor parenting from both of you tbh. You’re training your young teen to believe that you can’t have fun without alcohol and encouraging her to see herself as an adult rather than a 14 yr old. The research is clear - this idea that giving kids alcohol is somehow protective is completely false. It’s actually the opposite - you are making her more likely to engage in risky behaviour. Not less.

And your DH needs to grow up and stop hanging around teenagers trying to be cool. If my DD reported this back to me she would not be coming to your house again. It’s somewhere between negligent and creepy so there are no innocent explanations here.

The most important information would be how your daughter felt about the whole thing.
Did DD& friend start those topics or did they want to get rid of your DH and thought that he was being creepy, too?

Nevertheless, letting your DD exceed your limit is inexcuseable and he was also setzing a bad example by drinking too much in front of them.

@drusth

Ah you are so niave

Pretardery sick fuckers Paedos,

How devious and manipulative hiding under plain sight they really are,
that's how they often get away with thus kind of thing,
they look normal but their basic urges are definitely not,
they can often have obviously have mixture of normal urges being with a woman and then totally deviant sexual urges,
grooming underage females or even underage males too

"There's obviously nothing wrong discussing anti -Muslim hate rhetoric etc"

I really 🤔 think that him discussing socially acceptable topical subject matter as this one is,
Is a red herring in this case of this mumsnet thread,

Except Paedophilia one,

Which is obviously problematic for obvious reasons,

Purely to lull @ByTealDreamer teenager daughter and her daughter into them being just naive enough and gullible for them to trust him as under the guise 🥸 of he "consirders us as his equals talking about grown up subjects like that this, and him being that type of creepy predatory partner,

could be hoping that they will be flattered just enough by that kind of talk in a personal so called safe home envoriment,

to pave the way, test the waters and their personal boundaries how far he could potentially could go with them or one of them at least,
If he gets lucky with one of them being just enough niave and troubled messed up enough due to their family background to tip it for him to take advantage of the situation
as with naivety of youth,

And then potency of alchol lowers
teenage girls caught off gaurd and lowering their inhibitions cant handle their drink senerio,

It's the fact he shouldn't have been encouraging his step daughter and her friend to get pissed as underage teens and why did he want to spent so much time with them

Whilst this sleep over was happening then?

The more I read of this thread the more I think the Police could have been involved in this fiasco

Shocking behaviour by both OP and her vile (paedophile? Groomer?) husband

I hope the friends parents NEVER allow their child into the OPs house again

I don’t think the topics are particularly concerning, we’d often have similar debates and conversations but he’s leaving himself very vulnerable to accusations getting himself in that situation

You should be agreeing with your DH to the amount your daughter drinks. Your daughter is clearly not old enough to be trustworthy enough to stick to the limit so she is far too young to drink at all with safety. Her friend obeyed boundaries though should not have had to witness your spouse and daughter over drinking. She was put into a terrible position.

No alcohol before the age of 18 is based on sound medical and social research. The young brain is more easily permenantly damaged. Restricting binge drinking of alcohol until one is 25 is sound health advice.

Any adult in charge of children should always be sober enough to drive, make decisions and take charge.
Cosying up with teenagers is weird, though his judgement was clouded with grog. Don't trust DH with babysitting teenagers on his own. He was a total dick!

Sounds like a predatory groomer to me. He’d be out of my house so fast - his feet wouldn’t touch the ground. I am not a LTB either.

It’s creepy. At the very least it’s setting a bad example.

I don't think the subjects being discussed are necessarily the problem. My 15yo niece is very socially aware and loves nothing more than a controversial discussion. The biggest issue is supplying alcohol at a sleepover and getting drunk with them. Why would anyone think that's OK? And yes, if I was the friend's parent, in this situation, I too would be thinking it was grooming.

Creepy and gross.

YANBU but where were you while he was drinking alone with them? That in itself is weird regardless of the conversation topics

I have a 14 1/2 year old and it is absolutely insane of you (and the other girls parents) to provide alcohol. Like for what reason? 14 year olds don't need to be drunk at sleepovers or even tipsy.

Now as for your husband joining them - this is exactly why it's insane of you all to provide alcohol. Young teen girls don't keep the company of 'dads' - I know mines wouldn't want me sitting in on sleepovers, but I'm guessing the fact they got to have alcohol and feel 'grown up' and possibly drunk has affected them keeping the company of a grown man. I'm sure the girls mum didn't invision they would be drinking along with your husband. This is incredibly inappropriate and you should have sent those girls to their room when you were heading up. Your husband is seriously strange and if I found out my daughter was sat drinking with a grown man I would never allow her in your house again.

You divulged that he is abusive and controlling. All the more reason you should not have left him effectively alone with the girls. You know he is not a good man.

The reasons why you were oblivious to what went on doesn't make sense. You may have taken time to settle your youngest but unless you live in a stately home it should have been easy for you to be more involved and aware of what was going on. I think you were asleep and just don't want to divulge that because you know it's as bad as it looks.

I'm going to cut you a tiny bit of slack because you are a victim in an abusive relationship. But you have to finally find your courage and get him out of your life. As this incident proves, it is not just you that is at risk from him, it's also your daughter and her friends. Whether that risk manifests in them being groomed and abused or just being influenced by a truly atrocious role model, you need to protect them. Stop making plans to leave him or kick him out, do it right now.

Ok so if they are 14/15 - maybe let them have a glass of wine with dinner. It is beyond weird to let them have free rein ‘getting drunk’ and even weirder that your partner stayed getting drunk with them.

You need to reassess some things - your parenting choices, choice of DP (is he racist to boot?), who your daughter hangs out with. If the other parents are fine with them getting drunk, I’d be asking them not to not playing tit for tat.

If he is abusive and controlling then this should be the final straw for you - you don’t need a forum of strangers on the internet to tell you what deep down you already know .. make steps to get you and your children away from this man

Or maybe he wanted two young girls to be under the influence of alcohol around him for an evening.......

I’m one of the most lax parents I know around my kids being able to have a drink, at their age and that time of night, absolutely no way.

A drink with food or at an afternoon bbq but late at night. No Absolutely no need for it.

And yes, your dh getting drunk with them and questionable topics of conversation, no was would my kids be coming over to your house again.