DH got drunk with my daughter(his stepdaughter) and her friend

[ByTealDreamer]

I am trying to figure out if i am overreacting or not. I allowed my daughter and her friend to hace a drink at a sleepover over the weekend (with the friends parents permission of course), and my DH decided he would sit there and get drunk with them alone and discuss some questionable subjects. My daughter and her friend are both under 16, though i wont specify exact ages. am i wrong for think that him discussing topics such as anti-muslim hate(something i by no means agree with), pedophilia, transphobia and other controversial topics, with two young and impressionable teenage girls whilst they had had a drink was out of line and absolutely absurd?!
please give me some opinions cause i cant tell if im seeing it for something it is not.

@Aswellisnotoneword hi! yea i see that point. i never knew he was like odd in that way. i knew like he was a prick but i never knew hed be like odd with teenagers otherwise they wouldnt of even been near him. im taking steps to leave.

It's "normal in your area"?! Oh well that's ok then eh? That's a bizarre statement in itself! Bit totally bad judgement and bad parenting all round.
I'd suggest you get the creep out of your house and get a restraining order while you're at it.

@MoonWoman69 hey if u read you would see that i said "not that it makes it right" by no means does that make it right upon reflection, i just felt social norms is an important bit of context when it comes to parental decisions as whilst yes people should make decisions based on their own judgement, social norms often plays a role in whats normal to the parent aswell, meaning because its normalised i didnt see as much of an issue. i defo see the issue now more. but i didnt think about it as much as i shouldve then and i defo will have a much larger thought process in future

The topics of conversation are not the problem. His getting drunk with two under 16 girls is the problem. Did your daughter's friend's parents know that you'd be giving her alcohol? His judgement is extremely questionable and so is yours for allowing this to happen. She's your daughter, why didn't you step in and stop it?

@Noseybookworm hi its op on another acc. yes as specified in the original post her parents knew and were okay w it, the only reason it was ever even allowed for them to have a small drink is because they had also gave my child drink before. i shouldve checked in but i assumed he wouldn't be like that because i thought it was common sense , clearly not!

It's right there in the second sentence of the OP and reiterated about a hundred times since!

When my kids were teens, I knew parents like you.

The only parents who would provide and ply teenagers with alcohol were ones who had alcohol issues themselves and were otherwise toxic and dysfunctional.

No, I really don't think it's common and where you live, but more so, birds of feather flock together.

Since you two seem to have alcohol issues, then you're going to hang around with other people with poor boundaries and alcohol issues, too

I reported parents like that to the authorities when my kids were teenagers, and I surely the hell would have reported you both for the alcohol and for the creepy grooming by your disgusting partner.

@grinandslothit this is op on another account. i dont drink at all actually. i havent in years and have never had alcohol issues. DH does drink regularly so you are right to an extent. but no i dont drink at all.

Pretty irresponsible to be giving alcohol to kids this age in my opinion. Your husband is creepy and wierd to be sitting drinking with two teenage girls. They were your responsibility and you allowed this to happen in your home. Both you and your husband are at fault. If my daughter came home and told me that her friend's dad sat and got drunk with them she wouldn't be going to your house again 😳

Alright, keep your knickers on!! 😂

@Noseybookworm and thats totally fine, your parental decisions are entirely up to you. but both me and the girls parents agreed it was fine for them to drink and they had supplied alcohol to my kid previously too so it wasnt a one sided unconsentual thing, to be fair maybe her parents shouldnt of done that idk. and as for my DH i definitely shouldve checked and its on me for assuming he could not be absolutely deranged

This

But a) this wasn’t a trip to the pub - the girls were having a sleepover together, b) the girls were younger than 16, c) he isn’t the dad of either of them.

It is extremely odd for an adult man to spend an evening with two teenage girls on their sleepover at all, let alone to get hammered with them and start spouting his dogshit views at them. What man hijacks a young teenage girl’s sleepover to act like he’s one of them? It’s fucking weird and inappropriate. If one of my friends had had a stepdad who behaved like that, I would have sitting there thinking “Who the hell’s this creepy pest and why won’t he just leave us alone?”

It's way more. This guy is emotionally abusive and controlling to the extent OP left him. But he got her to come back. Now he is completely ignoring the boundaries she set for her daughter regarding alcohol and is getting drunk whilst he does it. He controls the household dynamics and we have a teen step daughter with a new brother taking the attention of the mother and an attentive step dad sharing a second drink that was prohibited by the mother and a deep discussion on adult themes.
That's what we have been told. There's probably more if the OP really reflects back.

A grown man talking to young girls about paedophilia while giving then alcohol? Hmm how did that conversation go? "People say it's wrong. But age is just a number, and you can't help who you have feelings for..."

It's worrying that you had to ask if this was inappropriate. Dirty bastards are very good at finding women with poor boundaries and young daughters.

anti-muslim hate(something i by no means agree with)

@ByTealDreamer @ForLimeBeaker Am I right in thinking that what you mean is that he was expressing racist and Islamophobic view?

The fact that you felt you had to add that you personally aren’t racist/Islamophobic suggests to me that your husband is, and that your concern isn’t that he was ‘discussing’ these types of topics so much as just being really fucking offensive. To a pair of 14-15 year olds. To whom he was feeding booze until they were all hammered.

Has he always been a cunt?

i take responsibility in the sense maybe providing alcohol was wrong, but i assumed it would be okay since the other girls parents provided my daughter with alcohol too and i had their direct consent to give her some. the friends limit was not exceeded

Yes you are/were wrong. No, it’s not okay. They are children. Children should not drink alcohol. Just because the other parents are idiots doesn’t mean you should be too.

Yes, I drink alcohol. Yes, I have had kids. No, they don’t go off on benders the minute they turn 18yo because they were not allowed to drink prior, if you have parented properly otherwise.

Safeguarding issue + grooming

What man hijacks a young teenage girl’s sleepover to act like he’s one of them? It’s fucking weird and inappropriate

And this. DH was certainly never interested in joining either the girls or boys when our kids were teens and had sleepovers. It’s an odd thing to do. I certainly wasn’t, who wants to listen to teenage shite, lots of better things to do, like clean an ensuite🤣

What did your DD say about it?
Did she think it was odd? What was he saying about pedophilia?

Jeez, just caught up on some of the OPs posts from a different account and what a shit show the whole situation is, why on earth aren't you putting your kids first and getting them away from that arsehole?! And if you leave and he harasses you, report him to the police, don't just go back to him and drag your poor kids back into that 🤦🏻

I think the whole situation is wrong.

I would not be allowing children of that age to be drinking in my house, even with parents permission.

I then wouldn't expect my husband to sit down and get drunk with them!

He should be there taking responsibility for the girls who are drinking!

Not enough information or detail for anyone to give a meaningful response. 'Drunk' is an emotive expression and means different things to different people.

I remember going with my step dad to a working man’s club that we all went to as a family & have a snowball with a glacé cherry thought I was so grown up. It was the 70’s . All of us that were given allowed alcohol are not very heavy drinkers definitely less than our parents. As for the French when I went as a teachers aid aged 17/18. I stayed with a French family the children all drank wine with their meals , it was watered down. They didn’t like showering or washing clothes though.

This stinks of Grooming tbh