New partner hearing voices

[Jennybeans401]

I've been seeing someone for 6 months (I'm widowed and taking tentative steps dating). He knows I want to take things slow and its more companionship that we have at the moment. We get on very well and he's kind.

We went out last week and he opened up to me that he hears voices of "spirits" and sees people. He has always told me has an interest in the supernatural and I hadn't thought much more about it. The spirits are with him all the time and give him instructions (harmless like eating foods they enjoy, etc).

I've got three kids and I'm worried this would be strange for them. He's a really kind person but I'm considering ending it with him. He also doesn't work at the moment (been signed off).

Well it could be worse, he could be giving the spirits instructions.

He is 100% risk and liability. End it.

I hope you've binned him off?

The SYMPTOMS are the risk.

My ex heard spirits telling him what to do - mundane things like where to walk on the pavement and how to style his hair.

he ended up almost killing three people.

That sounds serious. I'm sad for him, but you absolutely need to get away from him. This relationship is not going to be an equal partnership, this is going to be you supporting him through serious mental illness. Does he have any family you can get in touch with? He needs professional help and it's not for you to sort out, but his family could help if they knew what's going on.

Wow, if someone told me they heard spirits and they were telling them what to do they wouldn’t see me for dust.

At best I’d assume he was a bit thick, at worst dangerous, but I wouldn’t be hanging around to find out!

I am not a medical professional in any way. However, my husband and both our adult sons are neurodivergent. My husband has always been 'sensitive to spirits'. He felt their presence in certain rooms and he was comforted by spirits of loved ones. This was part of who he was, and was harmless or even enriching to his life.

However, he became very mentally unwell and began experiencing delusions. These were qualitatively very different from his positive 'normal' spiritual experiences.

My eldest son also has had fantastic 'spiritual' experiences which are enhanced by his synaesthesia. However, when he became mentally unwell, he experienced psychosis which was very different from his usual spiritual experiences.

I do not know whether there is a link between neurodivergence and enhanced sensitivity to 'spiritual' phenomena. However, in my experience, people with autism can be very sensitive to atmosphere and very open to atypical experiences or experiences that society has decided are no longer 'acceptable', and they may be very open about these experiences to those they trust.

Voice hearing, for example, is not a mental illness (although it may be a symptom of some mental illnesses), and in some societies, people who can hear voices may be considered blessed in some way. In our society, if someone says they hear voices, we are immediately suspicious of them.

I will conclude my ramble by saying, if you enjoy being with this man, continue being with him. His spirituality and voice hearing (which may just be another way of hearing his internal dialogue) may simply be a positive and rather charming part of who he is. If there is any reason for you to have doubts, then kindly let him go.

Yesterday you were going to break it off over the phone yet had a lovely walk that evening!!
Why can you not end this? MH or not; how can you want to entangle yourself with him gabbing on about spirits ffs
You sound very meek and eager not to upset, get rid!

Only if you believe in the supernatural having some kind of objective actual existence. Given that there’s no evidence of this, it’s simply not possible to research connections between neurodivergence and experiencing ‘psychic phenomena’. It sounds to me far more likely that your DH and DS’s ‘psychic phenomena’ are evidence of the earlier, less serious phases of a mental illness.

Bin him off, for goodness sake.

There is no such thing as spirits. You cannot communicate with the dead. Anyone who says they can is a liar. He is either lying to you, or if he actually is hearing voices, he is having delusions and needs help.

I am sorry but there is no such thing as spirits. "Sensing" them is a delusion. It may comfort your husband, but he is not actually feeling spirits, it's in his head.

I think she was just telling us how he came to tell her about the voices - I didn't interpret this as being that same day (when she told us she was going to end the relationship).

Yeah but he also says the dead tell him to eat their favourite food...

No job and a mental health disorder, there's no future for you here.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BAD BACK?

OP, you've yet to confirm the details of his inability to work due to a bad back.

That's a red flag on it's own!

After having just finished the Ghost Whisperer, I'd be really curious about this now, despite being practically atheist. It could be legitimate, but me being me, I'd say it's more a nutty-nut thing. Your call, but I'd be more inclined to sit it out for a while longer just to see! - I'd be asking him so many questions about what the ghosts are saying.

Not good. End this relationship.

I’d be ending this, even without kids I wouldn’t want to get involved with someone who was hearing voices.

It’s not just that he’s hearing voices, it’s his reaction to it that’s important.

If someone who was perfectly mentally sound thought they heard voices of spirits telling them to do things, AND they then did those things, they’d assume they were unwell and seek medical help, not accept it as normal and mention it casually to someone they’ve been seeing for a short time. They’d likely be embarrassed to share that information.

@afternoonified

Let’s be clear here.

Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterised by issues with socialisation, interaction and/or restricted/repetitive behaviours.

It is not a mental illness.

And autistic people are not more hippy dippy than the general population and open to more experiences….

In fact the reverse is often true, they’re very logical, but they can have sensory issues which cause overwhelm.

Your sons, whilst they had pre-existing autism, exhibited in the manner they did because they were seriously mentally unwell - delusional and psychotic. It’s likely the earlier ‘spiritual encounters’ were a prequel to the later disturbing behaviour. End of.

Please please please do not try and categorise a man clearly exhibiting symptoms of schizophrenia or other serious mental disturbance as autistic, it does nothing to help autistic people who are already ostracised and marginalised in society.

I think he's unwell and needs professional help. I had a DU who heard benign voices and was medicated for it. He was on medication his whole life and he was always sweet with me but he did have quite scary episodes.

Regardless if this is benign or not it's not your job to sort this out. You are just dating this man. You've got enough to deal with without taking this on.

Please sever contact. Your DC shouldn't have to cope with this if your relationship goes the distance. I do feel for him but he hasn't recognised he's unwell or maybe he can't and your energy and finances will be focused on him rather than your DC.

End it. There is no way my daughter would be around someone who hears voices. The person who "hears voices" in the village where I live now went to the local supermarket and knifed the cashier "because the voices told her the cashier was laughing at her". It seems said cashier would not apply a discount that had come to its end the day before.

If you're questioning it then bin him off. Sensing spirits is one thing but then eating their favourite food just sounds a bit mad. Cut your losses and move on.

You're being very naive if you think this is about 'being spiritual'.

OP, he has schizophrenia. He is literally seeing and hearing things that aren't there and they are telling him what to do. He is very unwell.

He also doesn't accept that he is unwell.

He may not ever be violent, but the fact is that he doesn't have a true perception of reality, and that in itself can be very dangerous. The same voices that tell him what to eat might also start telling him all sorts of other things, and if he won't admit his illness or take appropriate medication, the delusions will continue and escalate.

You've only been seeing this man for six months and it's 'more about companionship' at the moment. You have three children who have already been through the difficult experience of losing their father. I would very much urge you to stop seeing this man.

It's not his fault that he's unwell, but it does make him a very, very risky proposition as a partner, and especially if you have children.

PS There is no way he's on sick leave because of a bad back

So, either:
A) he has a mental health issue that causes him to hear voices and do what they tell him, or
B) He can hear spirits talkibg to him and does what he tells them.

Wichever it was, I'd be getting rid, as lovely a person as he might be, someone who does as voices only he hears tell him isnt coming over as a safe person to be around.

If it was his freind phoning him up and telling him what to eat and what to watch etc I'd be concerned!

My husband has always been 'sensitive to spirits'. He felt their presence in certain rooms and he was comforted by spirits of loved ones. This was part of who he was, and was harmless or even enriching to his life. However, he became very mentally unwell and began experiencing delusions. These were qualitatively very different from his positive 'normal' spiritual experiences.

They were always delusions. They escalated.

My eldest son also has had fantastic 'spiritual' experiences which are enhanced by his synaesthesia. However, when he became mentally unwell, he experienced psychosis which was very different from his usual spiritual experiences.

He was always experiencing psychosis. It escalated.

There is some strong evidence that certain forms of schizophrenia can have a genetic component, especially among men. You might want to Google the Galvin family.

Autistic people are not more likely to have spiritual experiences than anyone else. However, they might be more likely to take things at face value and assume that visual and auditory hallucinations must be real because they can see and hear them - whereas someone who is neurotypical might be more inclined to question that. My father experiences psychosis at times (he has a neurological illness) and it usually starts with him seeing odd things and thinking 'Wait, is that real or am I imagining it?' whereas someone who processes things in a much more literal way might think 'I'm looking at/hearing it, therefore it is real'.

FWIW it's worth, my dad's delusions/hallucinations are very different in their early stages, and then escalate. For example, a while ago he suddenly informed me that he'd been looking in the mirror and saw his dead cousin there who had a conversation with him but he thought it probably wasn't real. A couple of weeks later he was fully delusional and informed me that MI5 had told him that my mum wasn't his real wife and that she was an imposter who had assumed my mum's appearance and was going to take away the house from him. It's not a coincidence that he apparently saw a ghost before descending into literal insanity. The ghost was the first symptom of his literal insanity.