New partner hearing voices

[Jennybeans401]

I've been seeing someone for 6 months (I'm widowed and taking tentative steps dating). He knows I want to take things slow and its more companionship that we have at the moment. We get on very well and he's kind.

We went out last week and he opened up to me that he hears voices of "spirits" and sees people. He has always told me has an interest in the supernatural and I hadn't thought much more about it. The spirits are with him all the time and give him instructions (harmless like eating foods they enjoy, etc).

I've got three kids and I'm worried this would be strange for them. He's a really kind person but I'm considering ending it with him. He also doesn't work at the moment (been signed off).

Also, OP, apart from anything else, you obviously know that your kids need stability, particularly as they've lost their dad recently (was your late husband their dad?).

When you talk about having this man in your lives, I do wonder - surely you don't need to introduce him to them at all? Particularly giving his issues and especially, in my view, the fact he's not working.

You've got enough on your plate having three SN kids too - you don't need to look about someone else with additional (and quite significant) needs

People with ASC can experience perceptual abnormalities, but people with ASC are also at a higher risk of being diagnosed with psychosis.

You have your children to think about, I think that tells you all you need to know.

Glad to see you've decided to end things with him.

Someone hearing voices and taking instructions from spirit guides telling him what to do is not the sort of person you want anywhere near you or your dc. He clearly has some sort of mental health issue, and whilst he appears harmless at the moment, you never know what these voices might start telling him to do next.

It's not her responsibility to solve anything. She has been seeing this man for six months and seemingly came on here to express her worries and ask for advice. I therefore assumed that a) she cares about him to some extent and b) has some sort of conflict about what to do.

I would find that seriously creepy and not get involved. Let this relationship tail off, please.

He doesn't have a job and he may be mentally ill. You have children, please put them first. Nothing good will come from this. Imagine the kids telling their mates/teacher that mums boyfriend hears voices?! Social services might be called.

Well ghosts aren’t real so he’s either lying to you or has serious untreated mental health issues.

He’s likely on full benefits with a heavy mental health issue.
Hearing voices is a hallmark of this.
What if the voices command him to do something awful?

Throw this one back.

You do not have to be with anyone you do not want to be.'
But people trying to diagnose over the internet are very irresponsible. Plenty of people hear voices and see things who are not mentally ill.
Hearing voices can be a sign of a mental health problem, but it is not always. Here is more information that explains hearing voices is common and not always an issue, and advice about when it could be a sign of a mental health problem.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/hearing-voices/about-hearing-voices/

It doesn't matter whether the auditory hallucinations are down to a mental illness, or ghosts he thinks he can hear, or if he's making it up. You do not want to be adding the emotional burden of this man into the lives of you and your children, let alone the financial one of someone that won't financially pull his weight.

Where exactly do you see this going? Can you seriously see yourself happily and healthily in a long term relationship, and your children also forging a healthy and beneficial relationship with him under this set of circumstances? Or would they be better off without someone who can hear voices in their life? If you're still not sure, the answer is yes, they would.

Even if what you've personally always secretly dreamed of is a workshy pound shop Derek Acorah, your kids won't thank you for taking them down that route I can promise you.

What OP refers to, voices telling him to do things, is called command hallucinations and is strongly associated with psychosis and schizophrenia. It’s not the same as the other examples listed ie hearing a voice as you’re about to fall asleep.

I was a mental health nurse for 20 years
There is not enough information on here to diagnose anything
That said the relationship seems very complicated and the Op doesn't have to continue with it for any reason.

He has masked and presented the best version of himself for the past 6 months, but now it is slipping.
Both the back issue (but he's well enough to pursue a love life) and the hearing voices are very off-putting, particularly this early in a relationship.
I wish him the best but you should get out now, before it goes any further.

Yep he’s schizophrenic.

It doesn’t have a cure and won’t ever go away.

The best you could hope for is he ‘manages’ it with medication but if I had 3 kids there is NO WAY I’d inflict this person on their lives unnecessarily.

He is also clearly
not managing it currently if he’s telling you about the voices telling him what to do so he’s given you no reason to expect he’s on top of his illness.

the people above telling you hearing voices is normal are wrong. It is not normal. It is a sign of a serious mental health issue; and not something ‘the love of a good woman’ can cure. Please, for your children, end this relationship.

Slow things up very quickly.

You have yourself & your family to put first, so caution & slow pace in bringing someone new into your own life & family group is just sensible.

I suggest that you pour very cold water on your hopes - ‘Id started getting up hopes that he was going to be part of our lives up until he opened up about the voices.’ - as not only are they premature, you also picking up some red flags as you progress.

He may be a great companion if you have a shared hobby or interest, with occasional contact.

But he’s not a good prospect for a romantic relationship & it is OK for you to strengthen your boundaries & statements so that he is no doubt that you are to be no more than friends (if that).

I didn’t say she has to diagnose anything but the probability of severe MH problems goes up. Because this is not just ‘hearing voices’ but hearing command hallucinations combined with delusions (that the voices are spirits). So it’s less indicative of a harmless symptom regardless of diagnosis and more indicative of a serious problem.

I think you’re doing the right thing ending it op.

This isn’t meant to get at you, but possibly a learning to take into your next relationship. 6 months is a fairly long time to have such a lack of curiosity about important things like work and health. What’s his back condition? When was it diagnosed? What did he do before? What’s his prognosis for getting back to work? How’s he supporting himself? If you’ve asked these things then fine, but if not then why not?

Similar thing with the voices I’d be wanting to know if he’d been to the dr and had them investigated and if not why not?

@Peachoolongtea they are harmless command voices, not distressing ones. And the belief in spirits can be a cultural narrative. We have zero idea if the boyfriend was born and raised in Britain or raised in a niche religion. Cultural competency matters.
A psychiatrist has also commented on this thread saying that it is irresponsible to try and diagnose mental health problems based on the scant info posted on here.
Sometimes a little bit of knowledge is dangerous.

That's interesting. My friend is currently in a MH hospital and one of her symptoms is hearing voices. She has recently (finally!) been referred for an autism assessment.

Harmless commands easily become
harmful. Especially when combined with delusions. What happens when the spirits decide OP or her children are dangerous and her partner must defend himself.

FO with ‘a little bit of knowledge.’ I was in a relationship with someone who had these exact symptoms. You don’t have to diagnose someone with a specific disorder to know that those symptoms aren’t safe when not managed and medicated.

@Peachoolongtea I really hope you are not a CPN as you are talking utter nonsense.

Gosh ,why do psychiatrists bother going yo medical school and then specialising in mental health and working there way up for many years when posters like yourself can confidently diagnose schizophrenia based on very limited information 🤔

Again, it really does not matter if he is diagnosed with schizophrenia or he's channeling his long dead Auntie Mary, unless the OP is looking for a relationship with someone who hears voices telling him what to do.

I'm a full time medium and healer so FOR ME this wouldn't be a concern however if it's unsettling for you/causing you to feel concerned about your children you should end it.

Just as an F.Y.I not everyone who hears voices is a schizophrenic but equally not everyone who hears voices is a medium.

Being in a relationship with someone who suffered with psychosis doesn't mean yoy can confidently state that a random stranger has the same symptoms
I was a an RMN for 20 years i worked for a lot of that time in acute mental.health ,nobody on here can possibly say wether the man has true psychosis or not
The relationship seems very complicated and I wouldn't get involved particularly with three children
But arm chair diagnosis, s help nobody .