New partner hearing voices

[Jennybeans401]

I've been seeing someone for 6 months (I'm widowed and taking tentative steps dating). He knows I want to take things slow and its more companionship that we have at the moment. We get on very well and he's kind.

We went out last week and he opened up to me that he hears voices of "spirits" and sees people. He has always told me has an interest in the supernatural and I hadn't thought much more about it. The spirits are with him all the time and give him instructions (harmless like eating foods they enjoy, etc).

I've got three kids and I'm worried this would be strange for them. He's a really kind person but I'm considering ending it with him. He also doesn't work at the moment (been signed off).

Hearing voices is very common. I posted a link from MIND that explains this. The link also explains when hearing voices may be a symptom of a mental health problem and when to seek help.

As a symptom it is more akin to being very tired. Being very tired may be a sign of early cancer, or it may be normal as you are leading a very busy life with poor sleep. Being very tired is very common. But it is also common for people who are very tired to get blood tests to check it is not a symptom of anything else. No one sensible would say to someone who is very tired - oh you must have cancer as my partner had the same symptoms and has cancer.

If you or a loved on hears voices and is concerned visit your GP, and you can read more on the MIND website. But please do not assume this means you automatically have a mental health problem. And please understand it is very common to hear voices. And the form voices take can be influenced by mental health problems, but also by our own cultural background. That is why people are trained to assess whether there is a deeper cause or not through a face to face assessment by a trained professional.

Agreed but ,arm chair diagnosis, s are unhelpful.

It does make sense to a believer. The implication is that the spirits are enjoying the food via his physical body. This obviously has overtones of demonic possession. I've come across such stuff irl and it isn't pretty. Either way, whether one believes or not, the OP should leg it as fast as she can!

Some of the beliefs on this thread is why people from some African countries used to be wrongly diagnosed with psychosis. Cultural and religious beliefs can differ widely. For example someone with epilepsy may believe they are possessed by a bad spirit. They are wrong, but that belief alone does not make them mentally ill.

The fact he can me a medium ( maybe ? ) doesn’t phase me but why are you wasting time with someone who doesn’t work ? What sort of life will you have in the future ?

I wouldn't have the energy to be with someone like this either.

If he actually has a bad enough back not to work, you'd know it by seeing him live. He'd be in pain, his stance and posture would be affected as would his mobility. Who's paying his bills? How does he sustain himself?

He's clearly got a lot more going on and not in a good way that's going to enhance your life.

Good luck with ending things, it's definitely the right thing to do. Like you say, at this stage you want easy. I totally get that and totally agree.

That could be command hallucinations

Indeed I had some very interesting conversations, when I was a mental health nurse with some student nurses and health care assistants that had emigrated from certain African countries .

I don't see why pp are getting their knickers in a twist re diagnosis.

The OP hasn't asked for one, nor expects one.

I'm not a doctor, but this guy has two red flags and I recommend she gives him the heave ho.

That's all the OP wants, advice from others.

The bickering thats going on to and fro is very boring and clogs up the thread, and not helping the OP.

The reason the armchair diagnosis matters is because it reinforces various stereotypes about mental illness. That matters as many people are mentally ill and myths affect how these people are treated.

Probably because some people have had the terrible misfortune of actually living with a person like this and seeing the incredible harm they can cause to those around them.

This is not to say I don’t feel very sorry for this man, who sounds extremely vulnerable.

But knowing what I know, I wouldn’t dream of exposing my children to a vulnerable person like this.

if you think what Op describes is normal, or sounds like a person in a position to get into a relationship with an established family, then you perhaps need to go speak to a psychiatrist yourself.

Run for the hills

@Muthaofcats I have experience of caring for a relative and a friend with pychosis.
You are making the common mistake of taking your experience, and transposing it into a completely different situation where you have no idea if it is relevant. We do not know if this person has psychosis. Hearing voices does not automatically mean psychosis.
Your level of knowledge is equivalent to someone who says that a friends child does not have autism because your autistic child can not look people in their eyes.

It does sound like mental illness but regardless of that he doesn't work which would limit what you can do if you stay in this relationship. It's too much for you to take on along with your DC.

I've got friends with mental health issues but they are medicated and on top of it and they work.

I would run a mile. There is absolutely no explanation which would make me any more likely to continue a new relationship with someone who said they heard voices and believe in spirits.

I was an RMN for many years I worked in acute mental health for a lot of my career so I have quite a bit of insight into.psychosis thank you
I do not however feel qualified to diagnose someone on the Internet. With schizophrenia based on very limited information nobody can ,
Neither did I say the Op should be in a relationshop with him .

There are many reasons for hearing voices eg children have imaginary friends and some keep them longer than normal or some people are genuinely lonely and create a voice of people might have them from depression or after a bereavement. Extreme stress can also cause this I understand. I once felt my dead mother near me when I was really sad. It was a light touch when I really needed it. Probably it was my brain acting to comfort me who knows. It’s wrong to label someone schizophrenic on the internet - it’s actually crazy in itself and reckless. But I would be wary and if wanting to stay with him maybe explore it more and find out more about what happened at work.

If I was purporting to diagnose him, I would see what you’re saying.

but the Op is talking about whether to have a relationship with someone who is clearly seriously unwell; whether it’s psychosis or schizophrenia is really moot for these purposes.

Sorry but caring for a friend or relative is not the same as being forced to live in the same space as someone very frightening and unstable. You really don’t know what that feels like for a child and I’m suggesting the OP puts her children first and ensure they aren’t exposed to this.

I don't think anyone is suggesting the Op carries on with the relationship , its clearly problematic for whatever reason and it wouldn't be stable for the children
That doesn't mean he necessarily has schizophrenia, though

Yes of course one can’t diagnose from the internet.

I lived with the relative with psychosis. You again made assumptions based on your guesswork. You seem to do this often.
You are still diagnosing. We have no idea if this is a mental health problem or not.
That does not mean OP should stay with this man. There are enough question marks over work alone to give her pause for thought, and she does not need the hassle.
But the information provided about hearing voices is very scant. We know NOTHING about any wider context in this man's background, religious affiliation/beliefs, culture, even how often he hears voices.
Anyone who thinks they can diagnose mental health problems on the basis of the scant written information has little understanding of mental health issues.
And by the way, psychosis, properly diagnosed psychosis, can be frightening to the sufferer or others, or it can be grandiose and feel positive to the sufferer. Diagnosed psychosis takes many forms.

Run

And yet you confidently stated that he was schizophrenic ,non of us can say that based on very limited info
That said the relationship is clearly going no where .

Hi OP,

I think this is medically considered to be some kind of psychosis or something, but I also understand that quite a lot of people live with conditions like this quite happily as long as the voices are friendly. However, in your shoes I would also end it. It sounds like too much to take on.

If he wants assessment or treatment he would approach an NHS service like this one:

https://www.cpft.nhs.uk/service-detail/service/cameo-early-intervention-23/

I had a friend some years ago who also saw people and got messages from them but she considered that they were ghosts of real people who had died, and not a problem. She joined a charity who helped people who were at the end of life. She would go and visit people in palliative care and talk to them about all the ghosts from their own family who were sitting in the room waiting to help them in the next phase of life. She was completely happy about it and said the charity was very good.

People are very complicated I think, and often in very good ways.

This is a fun read for those of us who have had episodes of psychosis. Think I might as well go and live in a leper colony.