New partner hearing voices

[Jennybeans401]

I've been seeing someone for 6 months (I'm widowed and taking tentative steps dating). He knows I want to take things slow and its more companionship that we have at the moment. We get on very well and he's kind.

We went out last week and he opened up to me that he hears voices of "spirits" and sees people. He has always told me has an interest in the supernatural and I hadn't thought much more about it. The spirits are with him all the time and give him instructions (harmless like eating foods they enjoy, etc).

I've got three kids and I'm worried this would be strange for them. He's a really kind person but I'm considering ending it with him. He also doesn't work at the moment (been signed off).

He has always told me has an interest in the supernatural and I hadn't thought much more about it
Fine

The spirits are with him all the time
Fine - a belief

and give him instructions (harmless like eating foods they enjoy, etc)
Crossover into very much not fine and mental illness territory.

Why would spirits be instructing you on what to eat? Even for a believer this makes no sense.

This isn't someone I would have around my dc.

That's a very ignorant comment actually. I've been hearing voices and having visual hallucinations for years. I dont have schizophrenia I have complex PTSD and this happens when I get stressed. I know they aren't real.
Despite this I manage to work full time as a medical professional in the NHS and it doesn't affect my work or relationships at all. I make sure I take medication so it does not become intrusive. 10% of the population have had some kind of stress related hallucination.
I detest home diagnosis when you are not a psychiatric professional.
But quite frankly I wouldn't be going out with someone who doesn't work and has an undiagnosed condition when I have kids.

As above^^

When those spirit voices tell him to harm you, what will you do then? Hmmm?

His bad back is an easy excuse that he’s in an episode at present.

🚩🚩🚩

Has he been off work the whole time youve known him?

How are you managing to go out on dates if he's not working? Is he independently wealthy?

for some he would be interesting and ideal, for you just not compatible and obviously concerning. answer? move on

Yes, I think auditory or visual hallucinations are quite common. It's the fact that he doesn't see them for what they are and they are giving him instructions is very worrying. Also, he is not working.

I think for me it's just too complicated, I need straightforward at this stage and especially with the kids. All 3 of my kids have additional needs and I am really in need of a companion who can support himself.Im also not interested at all in the supernatural and he talks about each spirit having its own unique identity (in detail).

I am going to break it off this evening over the phone.

Presumably you’re taking it slowly because you and your family have been through a lot and you really want to get to know someone before you bring them in. Well it sounds like you have got to know this guy and he sounds like a walking red flag to me.

There was a post on here recently with single (well set up) women detailing the way they are targeted by new boyfriends. I’m assuming you have a house, a job and a financially set. This man doesn’t work- all a bit suspicious to me.

there are plenty of men out there. I’d walk away here

He said he has a back problem that prevents him from working temporarily

Does he struggle with his bank when you're with him? What treatment has he had so far?

That sounds like the right decision. Hope it goes well for you.

That’s sensible, he’s not the one, good luck and don’t be persuaded to give him a chance. The right person for you is out there 💐

Exactly this. The longer you spend with someone who is the wrong one is the longer you are prevented from finding the right one.

I think you've made the right decision OP. I'd then block him.

It would be a no from me, OP.

As others have said, schizophrenia is a leap. There are a number of mental health conditions that can cause auditory hallucinations (such as severe Depression or Anxiety) and voice hearing is also not uncommon in Autism and those who have experienced trauma. The majority of people who hear voices do not have a diagnosable psychotic illness and understand that the voices are not 'real' but in most cases a manifestation of their own anxious thoughts or memories.

That said, OP's BF genuinely seems to believe that spirits he's hearing are real. He talks in detail about them all having their own "unique identities". This suggests to me he may be quite unwell, but if he is he doesn't realise it and may therefore be reluctant to accept assessment or treatment. In OP's shoes I would not want to put myself in a position where I could end up caring for someone with an undiagnosed and untreated MH condition, on top of having children with additional needs.

It's either mental illness or he's one of those creepy spiritualist types, into theosophy, Madam Blavatsky, Alice Bailey, the Masters of Wisdom and so on. I believe it is possible that spirits are talking to him, but what or who are they?

If this bad back isn't stopping him going out, having sex etc, why is it stopping him working? Sorry sounds like a poor excuse. Throw this one back in the sea

You've been through enough OP. You don't need this man giving you extra worry and stress.

Please do not entertain this guy any further. He’s a walking 🚩

OP, of course you must do whatever you think is right for you and your family. I do think it's important to mention, though, as a counter to those diagnosing your partner with schizophrenia and assuming the worst about where this situation will lead, that voice-hearing and associated spiritual beliefs are way more common than a lot of people think. It doesn't automatically mean someone is, or will ever become, seriously unwell or in any way dangerous. Having so-called 'unusual' beliefs and experiences exists on a continuum and lots of people are wonderful partners, parents etc without this way of seeing the world doing anything to get in the way of that. Even for those diagnosed with schizophrenia, most are in no way a danger to others and can function brilliantly with the right support. I've experienced this both in my professional role (I specifically work with people with psychosis) and in my personal life.

Being with someone with poor mental health and perhaps particularly psychosis can be a world of pain. I don't mean to minimise that. I just wonder whether you might be able to be open about your fears and explore the situation more before making a decision. If your partner is prepared to be more open about his health, mental and physical, maybe that would put you in a stronger position to decide. I'd be curious to know more.

Of course if you already know in your heart it isn't right for you then please do disregard. You're the one who knows the guy and you and your children's happiness and wellbeing is more important than anything else here.

"I just wonder whether you might be able to be open about your fears and explore the situation more before making a decision. If your partner is prepared to be more open about his health, mental and physical, maybe that would put you in a stronger position to decide. I'd be curious to know more."

@ZoraTheGrey why should the OP take any of his health problems mental or physical on as their own to solve?! He's only going to drag her down.

When, if ever, was he last in full time employment?

My family friend has a serious MH disorder but never says she hears voices. She, unusually for the UK, is well looked after and her meds are up to date. She does struggle though. She does not want a full on relationship, but just wants companionship. You may feel this is where you are as well op.

But personally the warning signs are there op. I do not feel he has been fully frank with you about the reasons he is signed off work. He is hearing voices. For me, particularly as you have children, your time and focus is needed there and not taking on someone with significant issues. No armchair diagnosis here just follow your instinct which I think is why you have posted.

Well said.

glad to hear @Jennybeans401 you are going to break off the relationship,
of course you need simple and uncomplicated