To think babies shouldn’t ruin relationships

[lighttheresomewhere]

It’s so interesting and genuinely so heartwrenching to see the amount of posts on here (and hear it in real life too) about the amount of relationships that drastically change for the worst and even break after having a baby/babies.

we have a 11 month old and I feel like it’s brought us even closer. My husband is a fantastic dad and husband and last night I got all dressed up for him coming to bed and when we were going to sleep he said thank you for making sure we didn’t lose us. I said what do you mean? He said ‘we haven’t lost us’. He started saying about the roommate phase and how we never went through that etc. I said it wasn’t a conscious decision it was just natural that I wanted to have sex pretty early on again, I wanted us to still have date nights and be us but it subconscious. I told him I fell in love with him all over again in a whole new way seeing him bond with the baby.

im not trying to be antagonistic or anything I just genuinely don’t understand how relationships go to shit so much after babies.

Filthy? I don't think that means what you think it means.

I loved my babies, loved my partner. Still do. But god there were tough moments.

It does no-one any good if we don't talk about the really hard times, and yes the hard times that happen in even the strongest of relationships.

This 😂😂😂

My dressed up is a tshirt with no milk spit and that’s coming from someone with a rather ‘easy’ 9 week old baby!

Tone deaf OP and I genuinely think we have had an easy ride into parenthood compared to some others!

Sorry but I find the whole dressing up to go to bed for a man incredibly cringeworthy! Makes me think of that shop Ann Summers and I do wonder who shops in there, is it women's trying to please their men?? It looks such a sad shop and I also wonder how its still on the high street!

My exact thought it’s and children massively affect relationships-
Really rock solid ( so seeming) relationships come adrift for so many reasons-
Exacerbated by children in many cases.

Financial worries, loss of earnings , nursery fees-

It doesn’t come adrift just because the woman puts off wearing “ Sexy undergarments “-

@lighttheresomewhere It’s very early days to be counting your chickens yet.

I thought my husband was a lovely Dad initially and that he’d never stray- Ditto several couples I knew with apparently rock solid marriages who were desperate to become parents.

Infidelity destroyed almost all of these relationships after children.

That's lovely for you, unfortunately you don't have the emotional intelligence to realise that's not the case for everyone so, you know, you win some you lose some in the fucking intelligence stakes 🙄

Babies don't ruin relationships;selfish men do;more often than not when babies arrive gaps in the relationship appear;especially the gap in the domestic load,parenting load and the mental load.

You’re getting flamed here OP, and while obviously your post has the potential to upset some women who aren’t as fortunate as you, I do get where you’re coming from a bit.

I certainly wasn’t dressing up in sexy stuff for DP (and my child thought sleep was for losers for a good while) but I do think a lot of couples don’t appreciate how important it is to just acknowledge that they are important to each other. Ultimately if your relationship falls apart then your family falls apart doesn’t it. Chucking your other half’s favourite sweets in the trolley every now and then and saying I got you these for example isn’t hard but at least shows you thought about them.

I’m saying this from the perspective of having a DP who pulls his weight and is massively supportive however. I’d imagine that would be a pretty hard thing to do if your blokes a twat.

Same. Being trussed up like a chicken is guaranteed to turn me off.

You sound smug OP, and your comment “I got all dressed up for him going to bed” made me laugh actually, as it sounded like you are trying pretty hard to impress your husband, is it all champagne and roses in your life I wonder?
Literally just sleep deprivation could turn your whole life upside down.

Don't you normally get undressed for bed.😄

I mean…. Really not interested in the level of detail about your sex life given here, OP, but there is some truth that not all relationships go to shit after a baby. Parenting with a true partner can bring you closer and give you a shared purpose. But for those with cracks already or who have got too used to the dynamic of just being a family of two, it can have a major strain.

Also don’t get too smug. You only have the one and you may have an easier baby than most. But yes, if you can both still have quality time as a couple then good for you, you’re very lucky and you should keep enjoying that.

My thoughts exactly!!

Dd1 is nearly 10. I love dh, I love sex but after she was born I had internal scaring that made sex painful for a couple of years. I also had horrific postnatal anxiety and dd1 didn't sleep. At all. We are still together and happy but it was an incredibly tough few years after dd1 was born.

It's deeply satisfying for me to hear how many people are struggling and suffering with genuine problems after having a baby. I've been incredibly lucky and am low empathy and I just wanted to rub other people's noses in it.

I'm a Pickmeisha cool girl who puts servicing my husband's sexual wants very high on her list of priorities and I'm forever pandering to his ego, so I just don't understand women who don't think like me. If you can't keep a man and a relationship together no matter what, it's your fault, obviously.

I think I'm better than most of you, and am looking for an excuse to flaunt that belief, and I like to blame women for everything, but very carefully so I have plausible deniability.

I'm trying to be antagonistic but I'll never admit that, and I'm deliberately shitting on women who don't feel like sex after a horrific childbearing experience, who are exhausted, whose partners are lazy, selfish pigs or who are otherwise just unlucky in some way, but I can't be open about it, even to myself, because I have to pretend I'm a good person and admitting what a smug little cow I am wouldn't be comfortable for me.

I certainly don't believe I'm in for a big surprise when karma bites me on the arse. Not me. I'm the exception.

Fixed your post for you OP.

This is a bizarre comment that massively misses the point of why men often stray post children.

Women often love their baby /children AND their husband- Except men tend to stray - even the ones one would least expect.

Come back in a year, OP 😁

Sorry double post.

You said it more kindly than I was going to.

@lighttheresomewhere marriage and parenting are long journeys.

I think I love you @strangewomenlyinginponds.

Hi OP,
My partner is an excellent human, we generally have a really strong relationship.
However, both our small children are disabled, so the literally sleepless nights, meltdowns, constant appointments, constant worry, and massive adjustments we've had to make to every aspect of our lives has inevitably meant things get strained between us.
We have very little family support, and I've had to give up work to care for our children so our finances are hugely impacted. So with all that to worry about, we're in survival mode, and sex isn't really top of my agenda - not least because we barely get any time alone together.
So that's how things can go to shit after having a baby, just fyi! It's not a reflection on our relationship - which is great - but circumstances, lack of support, financial difficulties etc etc.

Fucking A. 👏 👏👏

I think some partners turn into children once a baby comes and there wouldn’t really have been a way to predict that, it’s just bad luck

I've brought popcorn everyone. And drinks! 🍿 🥤

😂😂😂 Mine’s a vodka and soda, thanks!