To think babies shouldn’t ruin relationships

[lighttheresomewhere]

It’s so interesting and genuinely so heartwrenching to see the amount of posts on here (and hear it in real life too) about the amount of relationships that drastically change for the worst and even break after having a baby/babies.

we have a 11 month old and I feel like it’s brought us even closer. My husband is a fantastic dad and husband and last night I got all dressed up for him coming to bed and when we were going to sleep he said thank you for making sure we didn’t lose us. I said what do you mean? He said ‘we haven’t lost us’. He started saying about the roommate phase and how we never went through that etc. I said it wasn’t a conscious decision it was just natural that I wanted to have sex pretty early on again, I wanted us to still have date nights and be us but it subconscious. I told him I fell in love with him all over again in a whole new way seeing him bond with the baby.

im not trying to be antagonistic or anything I just genuinely don’t understand how relationships go to shit so much after babies.

How long have you been together?

Was your first child premature with multiple ongoing health issues?

Do you have supportive families?

Money worries?

Mental or physical health issues?

I'm sorry but I just don't get how you can post something so naive? Relationships are hard work. Sometimes they're easy and other times you have to dig deep and work hard to make it work. You may not have had a hard time yet but you will. Everyone does. It might not be kids that makes the work, it could be bereavement, job loss, infedelity... Anything.

My relationship of nearly 20 years has had some down times, mostly after having kids (multiple, traumatic pregnancies and births). We muddle our way through but no, I don't dress up sexily for him. We still have sex, but I don't feel the need to dress up when I'm already stressed, tired and burned out. We bicker and at times I genuinely hate him. But that's life. I also love him deeply, trust him and overall am thankful I have him.

We got on fine with a baby.

The years between 3 and 7 nearly broke us!!

" I wanted us to still have date nights and be us"

Lots of couples WANT date nights but physically and logistically can't have them, it's certainly not the lack of desire that's always the problem.

We haven't had a date in 2 years but I have a toddler who screams and screams without me. Trust me op I WANT a date night but it's not an option to us yet. Doesn't make us any less of a couple than you and your dh.

I also thought life was pretty easy when I had one child under one.

Ahhhh those were the days.

🍿

Definitely tempting fate with this thread at only 11 months in! Hope you’ve touched an entire forest of wood to avert the toddler carnage which is hopefully probably coming your way soon! Easy babies can mutate into feral monsters with no warning.

It's not exactly the baby's fault but it's more how the dynamics change or how the parent's change. Some women go off sex, I did, that caused issues, that's not caused a problem for you because you still want it, I wanted to want it but my body just didn't. Some babies don't sleep so then the parents are exhausted. Some dad's don't do their fair share so the mum becomes resentful then arguements can happen. So many different reasons so it's not actually the baby's fault but having a baby changes situations. It bugs me when people say I've had kids this is why I'm overweight but that's not the baby's fault either because the baby, water and placenta will get rid of extra weight once out so if there's loads of extra lbs that's from food, I agree that skin will be less tight though from stretching. Sorry changed subject there a little

Oh my 😮

Six is currently awful.

Crikey...just about the cringiest post I've ever read on here and that's saying something.
Thank goodness my husband is just a genuinely nice normal man and a lovely father who didn't require me to dress up like a doll in a lacy slip in order to feel important and that he hadn't lost out to his own child.
I actual feel very sad for you OP.

Youngest one was a monster from 3-5.

Oldest from 5-15.

Middle one entirely uncomplicated. If I’d only had her I would think I had parenting totally nailed.

12 years and counting here.

ds aged 12 has severe autism. Didn’t sleep more than an hour at a time until he was 7. I developed severe health issues myself, probably due to the stress of it all. I have an older dc as well. We have zero family support - none. Dh is no contact with his family and my Mum died years ago.

Date night for us is a take away pizza and falling asleep in front of the tv because we are both exhausted.

Ha.

My two year old woke at 4.30/5am every morning for five weeks straight recently. My husband and I felt like death. 🤯

You obviously had a good birth. It took nearly a year both times to have sex.

Similar story here, and DH never commented on it once (he wouldn’t have dared!) Getting the fancy lingerie out a few weeks post partum is fine if that’s what the woman wants, but it certainly isn’t the norm.

What an odd post. What are you wanting from it OP?

With all due respect your baby is still very young. You have a lot more ahead of you

Dear me, filthy responses here.

Some women like their babies and partners.

Never before have I read a post as insensitive and smug as yours OP.

When I was breastfeeding, sleep deprived and stressed with a newborn baby the last thing I wanted to do was put on sexy outfits for my husband, and I actually think it is really romantic when a man understands that and offers you a cup of tea instead.

I think babies test relationships but you're right in that they can also make you stronger and solidify you as a team, but it's not all about getting your sex life back straight away. It's about feeling loved and supported through a major life change.

Eh?

By this point PP with my first, I was pregnant with my second.

By this point PP with my second, I haven't had sex and genuinely can't see myself ever wanting to again.

Hormones, infections, sleepless nights, arguments over minor things, getting back to work, self consciousness due to body changes.

There are many many reasons why people don't reconnect. None of it is to do with dressing up.

Who says we don't?

passes round the Popcorn.

settle in guys, we've got a live one.

I wonder if doing that was all OP's choice?

😂😂😂 alright then.

Pretty sure the poster with the autistic child who didn’t sleep through for 17 years straight is going to really identify with this comment. Charming.