To think babies shouldn’t ruin relationships

[lighttheresomewhere]

It’s so interesting and genuinely so heartwrenching to see the amount of posts on here (and hear it in real life too) about the amount of relationships that drastically change for the worst and even break after having a baby/babies.

we have a 11 month old and I feel like it’s brought us even closer. My husband is a fantastic dad and husband and last night I got all dressed up for him coming to bed and when we were going to sleep he said thank you for making sure we didn’t lose us. I said what do you mean? He said ‘we haven’t lost us’. He started saying about the roommate phase and how we never went through that etc. I said it wasn’t a conscious decision it was just natural that I wanted to have sex pretty early on again, I wanted us to still have date nights and be us but it subconscious. I told him I fell in love with him all over again in a whole new way seeing him bond with the baby.

im not trying to be antagonistic or anything I just genuinely don’t understand how relationships go to shit so much after babies.

This

Are you quite young OP? It's unusual to be This naive otherwise.

Ah, all the bitter ones out in force. Yes a lot of women on here have babies with total losers and think it's the norm. 💁

Good for you but not everyone feels like getting dressed up in sexy outfits with a small child to care for. I broke my back during labour, I was completely broken mentally and physically for a few years after birth and yes it put so much of a strain on my marriage that we split up.

I'm not a mother but I'm also not stupid or lacking imagination. Babies are mostly incredibly stressful, and stress is generally a strain on most relationships. And not all relationships are in the same place when the baby is conceived either.

I don't really understand what you're trying to achieve from this post except to probably make a load of women feel like shit because they're not dressing in sexy underwear for their partner and having sex early on after giving birth. Like there isn't already enough pressure on them to be everything to everyone.

Did you lose a lot of blood during your delivery? That can sometimes make people say silly things.

IME they amplify what’s already there, so if there are cracks in the relationship when a baby arrives, they’ll only get worse, but if there’s mutual love, respect, and shared values around parenting, it can definitely bond a couple further.

Also, I am the only one who read “thank you for making sure we didn't lose us” in a really cheesy American accent?

So a woman who isn’t up for sex, isn’t putting her sexy bedtime gear on and putting her man first from time to time is somehow less deserving of a loving relationship and is basically letting themselves go, putting the relationship at risk?

Honestly you sound about 18. You need to give yourself a shake.

😂😂😂

I totally get what you mean OP. It’s like those posts where people talk about how skint they are, they’re on UC and the COL is killing then. I earn about £500k pa pre tax and I just can’t underhand what any of them are banging on about.

I am happy for you .however life's not as rosy for every one .Also when I hD my first my cousin said she "envied" me that first one .RL more tricky with 2nd or 3rd babies!

DD didn't sleep for more than two hours in a row for two years. No babysitters, no time off.

I still love DH, but I sure as shit wasn't getting dressed up so we didn't lose 'us'. We were in the trenches together.

This.

Staggering lack of self awareness from OP here! It’s like saying ‘I went to uni, have a good job and so does DP. I don’t understand how others don’t and are financially struggling atm!’

You haven't had a toddler yet.

It’s the norm for babies to be hard work, and for sex to be off the cards for a while, and sleepless nights, and working out how to be a family, and who does what and just getting used to the new dynamic.

A faux naïve shiny shiny post sounding like a Valium crusted stepford wife is not the norm in the first year of parenthood 😂

You have one presumably healthy and straightforward 11 month old, with an apparently good partner and your own health intact.

Come back in a few years when you’ve had another baby or two, got a toddler or two, maybe had a birth injury or mental health issues post partum or money problems or a child with additional needs.

I’m very happily married but with hindsight I wouldn’t say having babies and toddlers was the healthiest years of our relationship. I might have said that when my first was only 11 months though.

That's great OP but you're less than a year in and your husband is a great father. In my case I didn't recognise the warning signs that my marriage wouldn't last the distance, probably because my own father was abusive so I had no idea what a healthy relationship looked like, and so I had a very low bar. It wasn't until my children were 5 and 2 that I realised I didn't want to spend the rest of my life parenting three children, not two.

You obviously had a good birth. It took nearly a year both times to have sex.

It's funny, I had a period after DS was born - probably around 3-4 months - when I absolutely hated DH. I have no memory of it now but I have the same therapist and he sometimes reminds me or shares the notes of those sessions and I was absolutely ready to pack my bags and storm out. I even changed my NOK details with him to my mum because I was so sure we're were going to leave.

It's strange what hormones / PND / sleep depression can do to you. Looking back, I would say that DH and I were a great team when DS was born and was a baby.

Babies can be tough. Relationships can be tough. It all can be tough (we also headed into lockdown when DS was 5 months old which was another source of stress). Sometimes there are good days, sometimes there are bad days.

Lucky you. I felt fairly happy the first year after DD was born. Since she became a toddler our marriage has taken a serious nosedive.

I haven’t had babies with a loser. He’s a fantastic husband and father. Doesn’t mean I want to jump his bones all the time.

Christ, how smug can you be?

You can't understand that some babies are difficult?

That some people don't take to parenthood?

That some men don't step up?

That a million and one things can go wrong, leading to a really difficult experience?

Fucking hell.

Try having twins 🤣🤣

Are you a Tradwife?

Lucky you and your 'already strong' relationship. However, many really strong relationships are completely flattened by the arrival of a child. Have you no understanding or empathy?

Can’t wait for the follow up 😂

Enjoy it while you can, OP.