2dc/sc/slpst/ chain 1 - why my sister thinks my husband is a sex trafficker.

[Fandangodiggers]

NC but penis beaker, Mexican house thief, screaming in the Sistine etc etc.

My sister lives alone and started an online relationship with an American man during covid. He moved to the U.K. in 2022. They live together, apparently entirely platonically. We’ll call him ‘Ken’. Ken has had to spend the last few months back in America (something to do with his visa) so we’ve been inviting my sister round for coffees and dinner a couple of times a month.

My sister and Ken originally bonded over their shared political views. Both are from the very far left, and together their views have gotten more and more extreme. Unfortunately, both have become fans of conspiracy theories.

Last night my sister came over unannounced and wanted to speak to me alone. She seemed concerned so we went for a coffee. It transpires that my sister believes that she has uncovered a child sex trafficking ring being run from the golf club where my husband is a member, and she believes my husband is the main organiser.

This kind of madness is fairly on brand for my sister but this was well beyond her normal batshittery. Her key piece of evidence was a notebook she had stolen from my house the last time she was there that contains a ‘secret code’ she has managed to decipher. 2dc = 2 dead children, 1sc = 1 sexy child etc etc. in this book she’s found an entire inventory my husband is keeping and by her and Ken’s reckoning, thousands of children have passed through this golf club.

I write crochet patterns as a hobby. Granted, she probably isn’t aware of this.

It has to be the end of my relationship with my sister at this point (obviously) but I’m so desperately sad to lose her this way. I was hoping with Ken away, we would be able to bring her back into the fold and stop her decent into conspiracy theory madness but I honestly think she’s too far gone.

Just on the off chance, has anyone ever managed to successfully salvage someone from extreme radicalisation like this or do I need to follow my instincts on this one and let her go? I’m resigned to losing her but if there’s a chance to salvage her I’d like to try.

FYI I have of course told DH, he thinks it’s hilarious so no harm done there but I have told him to alert the golf course staff in case she tries to burn the place down or something.

No idea if the visa thing is real, he wasn’t keen on going back to the states while Biden is still president. He’s staying there until after the election the coming back I think.

We are however close and love each other, she’s my sister.

i suspect you and i have a very very different view on what constitutes a “close and loving” relationship with a sister

Crochet patterns - love it 🤣🤣🤣

I disagree with that. I know people quite neck deep into this conspiracy mindset, here and the USA.
They do not project that into their personal sphere to the point of thinking that people they have personal contact with are part of the conspiracy.

When that happens, psychosis is at work. Imagining a relative as some wholesale child trafficker who keeps cyphered accountancy of dead and abused children is a paranoid delusion.

Just a shout out to a fellow crafter! I design and sell my own knitting patterns some with the occasional crochet edge.

I've tons of coded jotter pads all over my house 😁

Same!!

Are there any wider family like grandparents or other siblings? Because it helps if it's not just sister v. you.

Is your sister very gullible/easily influenced or do you suspect a mental health breakdown?

What is Ken's background?

I find it very disconcerting that Ken moved from the US to the UK for a platonic relationship. That's abnormal. If they're just friends, he might pop over for a week or two, but not move in.

What's Ken's experience with paedophiles?

What relationships has he had in the past?

How safe is Ken? Does he have a history of mental health problems?

I'd be concerned for the sister's mental and physical safety. I'd also try to find contact details of anyone related to Ken and contact them, in a mature professional way with concerns about Ken's welfare. If Ken is making allegations about a child sex ring at the local golf club, that is reason enough to contact them.

I'd also contact the police for advice. I doubt they can help - as in find out if Ken is schizophrenic or has a history or abuse or abusing - but there's probably a database somewhere, where they can enter his name.

Fortunately Ken is travelling to the UK with a passport - so it is potentially possible to get a legitimate US ID for him.

…ok? Given you don’t know me or her, I’m not sure you’ve got quite the slam dunk point you think you have?

Relationships, close or otherwise, come in all kinds of shapes and sizes. I love my sister, my sister loves me. We talk most days, we visit/ make the effort to see each other regularly, we have been through a lot together (entirely irrelevant to this thread). We are each others only family.

O have at no point said ‘my sister and I are the closest sisters anyone has ever seen EVER’, nor have I, at any point, overstated how close we are.

What a weird thing to say about someone you don’t know, just why make this point??

No idea why loverofalmonds is being randomly unpleasant. Best ignored.

@loverofalmonds, should we send you some almonds? TO make you feel better?

No other family we speak to, just me and her.

she’s not gullible as such, but she does enjoy living her life on the fringe - by that I mean if there’s a conspiracy or a way to ‘be’ that isn’t mainstream, she’s automatically drawn to it and that, I think, makes her more vulnerable. If you met her though she is assertive, extremely eloquent and has always been very intelligent.

Ken is a fairly affable guy, he’s a lot less assertive than my sister but completely off the deep end in terms of conspiracy theories etc if you get him talking. He isn’t naturally sociable though so likes to spend his time ‘researching’ and is a massive introvert. The relationship dynamic is quite co-dependant. My sister is gregarious and can he quite OTT, she’s dominant in their relationship for sure. he’s very quiet but nods along to everything she says and does. I think he feeds her with ‘research’ and ideas, they confirm each other and she then runs with it honestly.

The ‘friendship’ is more like a codependent partnership with no sex and no affection. My sister is absolutely adamant there is nothing romantic between them and I do believe her, she’s no prude so she would tell me if there was a romantic relationship. That said, Ken completely worships her and that is very obvious. Again though I don’t think his adoration is sexual, and I don’t think he’s at all interested in that aspect of life. She is though, and it surprises me nothing has happened between them. She has had other sexual partners while Ken has been on the scene.

I don’t know anything about Ken’s medical history or mental health, but my experience of him isn’t that he’s unwell, just that he has alternative views and doesn’t understand what a trustworthy news source is!

So a small update: I’ve read everything everyone has posted so thank you all for your thinking on this one.

I decided to go and visit her at home today, I’ve not been to her house for over a year because we usually meet out and about. I wanted to check on the state she’s living in because last time she was using/ unwell the house she lived in at the time was horrendous. Anyway all fine, the house was clean although not tidy but that’s normal for her. Lots of ‘things’ around the place but it looked well kept and the bathroom was clean etc.

We did have a talk and I think we made some progress. I made it clear how hurt we are and how it’s not ok to throw accusations around like that. She said she thinks she’s ‘taken things a bit too far’ and we left it at that. It’s as close to an apology as I think she can go.

We did manage to have a chat and she is smoking weed again. She couldn’t hide it really as I could smell it all over the house. I broached the subject of paranoia and perhaps thinking about looking after her mental health a bit, but she got quite affronted by that so I didn’t push it. She said she doesn’t have any problems with her mental health anymore and she is just ‘exploring possibilities’. I pointed out it’s not normal to accuse your brother in law of being a sex trafficker because you found a crochet book and she conceded on that one that she got carried away, but she still maintains something ‘isn’t right’ at the golf club.

Also of concern is the number of bottles of alcohol around the place - she never drank much so this is new. I also spotted a few indications that she’s not living entirely alone. She’s clearly had someone round for drinks and a takeaway recently, and I spotted men’s linx in the shower downstairs. There was also 2 iPads on the arms of the sofas at opposite ends of the living room. I’m not jumping to any conclusions obviously but I think she’s seeing someone. I did ask, she said it was Ken’s and he hadn’t taken it with him so I could be wrong.

Anyway. I’ll see her Friday and hopefully she’ll drop all of the gold club stuff when she realises no one is paying any attention to it and she doesn’t have Ken here to bounce off.

i agree

from the outset the OP clearly thinks her sister is unhinged and her initial reaction was to “obviously” go NC

and her sister has no idea that the OP’s hobby for past 20 years has been to crochet

very odd definition of “very close and loving@“

I’ve not been to her house for over a year because we usually meet out and about. I wanted to check on the state she’s living in because last time she was using/ unwell the house she lived in at the time was horrendous.

despite being very local, and your sister displaying concerning behaviour and having been a weed smoker in the past and living alone… you haven’t been to her home for a year!!

@beetforever, MN does like to judge. According to this, she should have gone NC and also been in close daily contact.
She is doing her best and we do not know her circumstances. Or she is not doing her best and it is still not the issue.

difference in opinion surely

She’s only been living alone for a few months.

So far as the OP knew, her sister has not smoked weed for ~20 years (and for most people, weed use isn’t exactly a big deal).

There is no obvious concerning behaviour, beyond being “kooky”. I suppose you could view belief in conspiracy theories as concerning behaviour but it’s unfortunately quite common and not indicative of a mental health crisis.

It feels like you’re just having a go for no reason.

and you wouldn’t have popped into your very close sister’s place, local to you, at some in the few months that have passed since she started living alone?

Not necessarily, no, if she was regularly coming to my house or we were meeting in public places instead. Having a close relationship with someone doesn’t necessarily mean visiting them at their home on a regular basis.

Do you have a sister that lives locally who you have a “very close and loving relationship with”?