2dc/sc/slpst/ chain 1 - why my sister thinks my husband is a sex trafficker.

[Fandangodiggers]

NC but penis beaker, Mexican house thief, screaming in the Sistine etc etc.

My sister lives alone and started an online relationship with an American man during covid. He moved to the U.K. in 2022. They live together, apparently entirely platonically. We’ll call him ‘Ken’. Ken has had to spend the last few months back in America (something to do with his visa) so we’ve been inviting my sister round for coffees and dinner a couple of times a month.

My sister and Ken originally bonded over their shared political views. Both are from the very far left, and together their views have gotten more and more extreme. Unfortunately, both have become fans of conspiracy theories.

Last night my sister came over unannounced and wanted to speak to me alone. She seemed concerned so we went for a coffee. It transpires that my sister believes that she has uncovered a child sex trafficking ring being run from the golf club where my husband is a member, and she believes my husband is the main organiser.

This kind of madness is fairly on brand for my sister but this was well beyond her normal batshittery. Her key piece of evidence was a notebook she had stolen from my house the last time she was there that contains a ‘secret code’ she has managed to decipher. 2dc = 2 dead children, 1sc = 1 sexy child etc etc. in this book she’s found an entire inventory my husband is keeping and by her and Ken’s reckoning, thousands of children have passed through this golf club.

I write crochet patterns as a hobby. Granted, she probably isn’t aware of this.

It has to be the end of my relationship with my sister at this point (obviously) but I’m so desperately sad to lose her this way. I was hoping with Ken away, we would be able to bring her back into the fold and stop her decent into conspiracy theory madness but I honestly think she’s too far gone.

Just on the off chance, has anyone ever managed to successfully salvage someone from extreme radicalisation like this or do I need to follow my instincts on this one and let her go? I’m resigned to losing her but if there’s a chance to salvage her I’d like to try.

FYI I have of course told DH, he thinks it’s hilarious so no harm done there but I have told him to alert the golf course staff in case she tries to burn the place down or something.

Oh I did obviously - I just think this might be the last ‘thing’ she does that I can tolerate before we go fully NC.

Before this… were you close?

and This kind of madness is fairly on brand for my sister but this was well beyond her normal batshittery. what sort of thing?

if it was my sister that i loved and was close to

i would be very very worried about her

but given you’re now going to cut her off, im guessing you weren’t remotely close beforehand

The conspiracy theorists live in an echo chamber where the equally deluded re-enforce the delusion constantly. And anyone who disagrees just doesn't understand the situation the way they do, because they have been gifted with true understanding. It's like arguing with a wall.

I’m resigned to losing her but if there’s a chance to salvage her I’d like to try.

doesn’t sound like you were remotely close before this anyway

She’s had support for addiction about 20 years ago, she also had some mental health support about 15 years ago then again just after covid (when the conspiracy thing properly started). Both times she’s not had any diagnosis, she refers to herself as eccentric.

I honestly think she enjoys living in a bit of a fantasy world. Pre-covid it was all crystals, healing magic, white witchcraft etc and that turned to ‘medicine makes us sick, all things can be healed naturally’. Then in covid that got accelerated to ‘covid is a result of big pharma trying to sell us more drugs’ and then from that she seemed to go down the QAnon rabbit hole and never came out again. So it started innocently enough if that makes sense.

I also read this in MN parlance and am now imagining what would happen if you were to crochet a MN thread (ideally one from the step parenting board).

She sounds either unhinged or unwell. I get that it’s hurtful and concerning but I think I’d try to keep an eye on her. Firm boundaries would be needed though, and I wouldn’t be keen to have her in my home for a while.

She’s had support for addiction about 20 years ago, she also had some mental health support about 15 years ago then again just after covid (when the conspiracy thing properly started).

she lives alone
and you’re just going to go NC on her?

arent you worried?

I had written a long message about a friend of mine...but it all seemed too outing.

All you really need to know his accusations were of a similar nature, it turned out he was schizophrenic and with treatment and love is doing much much better now

Sadly we were when we were kids/ teens but we are very different as we grew. She thinks I’m a slave to capitalism and I think she’s a wannabe fairytale creature. However, we see each other a couple of times a month, we love each other very deeply. I just can’t have her accusing my husband of sex trafficking and given what used to be ‘that’s just DSis, she’s cooky’ has now escalated to personal attacks on other people I love, I don’t see how I can keep both relationships.

People will accuse me of overreacting, but given what you’ve said about her history, I would seriously consider reporting her to Prevent. She has been radicalised by her internet friend and what she is saying has the power to ruin innocent people’s lives. Extremists come in all political flavours, and their beliefs can spill over into action so so easily.

I just can’t have her accusing my husband of sex trafficking and given what used to be

even if it indicates she’s hugely deteriorating in terms of mental health?

you hugely love her? well don’t go NC on her 🤷

single chain, double chain....

Have you asked why she thinks its OK to steal a notebook from your house, and what the hell was she doing even looking at it in the first place, let alone pocketing it, and how upset you are that you can't even trust your own sister not to steal from you?
I don't see how you can have her in your house again, or have anything but a superficial relationship with her, as everything you do or say could be twisted by her, and next time it could be worse, she imght make an allegation that causes huge trouble.

With the level of mental health intervention she has had in her past. Plus drugs. Plus living alone.
And you love her.
I would be calling social services, possibly the police to get entry to immediate psychological/psychiatric help.
I would def not be dropping the relationship because you can no longer call it "kooky"

Dammit, my secret crochet sex ring has been rumbled! 😁

In all seriousness, though, she sounds like a relative of mine when they have a severe manic episode (they have bipolar disorder). Has she received a mental health assessment, or could she be persuaded to do so?

The exact paranoia that childhood weed users show in adult life.
My exh was convinced my dd was a porn star as he saw her with a man who was clearly her photographer with kit .. He was a first responder with a medical case. .previously a weed user...

As was my friend

Sister was accusing OP's husband of being a paedophile sex trafficker. I think that's pretty good reason to give up on someone. Even a sibling.

This is very interesting - is there evidence it can manifest this way? she was a very heavy weed user for 10 years.

I think this is the problem, isn't it? Before, your sister with tendency to the unhinged side of life was either living on her own, or with other people who did not share her beliefs. But now she's got Ken, who is as nuts as she is, confirming every belief and delusion. He'll have convinced her that your crochet shorthand is absolutely concrete proof of child sex trafficking from the golf club, how could it be anything else?

I identify with having your own shorthand - I don't crochet but I do knit and would scribble things like 10rSS, 4rGS for 10 rows stocking stitch, 4 rows garter stitch. She'd have a field day with me.

I'm not sure why you're worried about keeping both relationships -- your DH thought it was hilarious, it doesn't sound like he's being all 'me or her'

I would go low contact instead of no contact. If you completely cut off she will take this as a sign that 'they've gotten to you' and may become even more irrational toward you, you might find you cannot block her completely

There is a support group for family members of QAnon people, you can google it. You probably can't bring her back completely but you can work on establishing firm boundaries with her so it's not so painful.

Clearly if this is true she has severe mental health issues and you’re thinking of cutting her off?

I had an alcoholic parent

much much worse than this

but i am so pleased i didn’t go NC

as we came through it

I really don't want to post my and my friends story....but it's similar to yours only escalates to involve violence and a police search.

He was sectioned and given a diagnosis of schizophrenia. His drs believe his heave weed use starting at age 14 had a LOT to do with it.

This all took place 15 years ago and he is in a much better place now