2dc/sc/slpst/ chain 1 - why my sister thinks my husband is a sex trafficker.

[Fandangodiggers]

NC but penis beaker, Mexican house thief, screaming in the Sistine etc etc.

My sister lives alone and started an online relationship with an American man during covid. He moved to the U.K. in 2022. They live together, apparently entirely platonically. We’ll call him ‘Ken’. Ken has had to spend the last few months back in America (something to do with his visa) so we’ve been inviting my sister round for coffees and dinner a couple of times a month.

My sister and Ken originally bonded over their shared political views. Both are from the very far left, and together their views have gotten more and more extreme. Unfortunately, both have become fans of conspiracy theories.

Last night my sister came over unannounced and wanted to speak to me alone. She seemed concerned so we went for a coffee. It transpires that my sister believes that she has uncovered a child sex trafficking ring being run from the golf club where my husband is a member, and she believes my husband is the main organiser.

This kind of madness is fairly on brand for my sister but this was well beyond her normal batshittery. Her key piece of evidence was a notebook she had stolen from my house the last time she was there that contains a ‘secret code’ she has managed to decipher. 2dc = 2 dead children, 1sc = 1 sexy child etc etc. in this book she’s found an entire inventory my husband is keeping and by her and Ken’s reckoning, thousands of children have passed through this golf club.

I write crochet patterns as a hobby. Granted, she probably isn’t aware of this.

It has to be the end of my relationship with my sister at this point (obviously) but I’m so desperately sad to lose her this way. I was hoping with Ken away, we would be able to bring her back into the fold and stop her decent into conspiracy theory madness but I honestly think she’s too far gone.

Just on the off chance, has anyone ever managed to successfully salvage someone from extreme radicalisation like this or do I need to follow my instincts on this one and let her go? I’m resigned to losing her but if there’s a chance to salvage her I’d like to try.

FYI I have of course told DH, he thinks it’s hilarious so no harm done there but I have told him to alert the golf course staff in case she tries to burn the place down or something.

Does she also have normal conversations? My cleaner is a big conspiracy theorist but we just agree to not discuss her crazy views and we get on great.

The thing I would think about if I were you OP, is that if she’s this far down the rabbit hole is she likely to accuse you of covering for your DH and being involved yourself?

Indeed!

She hasn't let it go at all from the sounds of things.

Who knows how long she has been looking through things if she thinks that Op's husband is involved.

That’s lovely to hear.

Well done you!

She used to and this is how we navigated. Back when it was crystals/ reiki/ healing we agreed not to talk about it because she knew I didn’t believe in it and although she would mention it occasionally she wasn’t insistent. When it morphed to conspiracies, she will find any way to turn a conversation to a theory she believes in. Example: ‘gosh this weather is awful today’ her: ‘yes it’s because they’ve been doing nuclear testing in the desert preparing to destroy the atmosphere and force us all to live indoors. Covid didn’t work so they’re trying it with weather now. They want us indoors so they can control what we see‘ knowing look .

The thing that makes me think she doesn’t really believe it is that when she ‘told’ me my husband was the head of a child trafficking operation she was excited, not concerned or earnest. Now if you genuinely thought your sister was living with someone like that you wouldn’t be excited would you? You’d be incredibly serious and concerned - probably upset? She was excited and almost triumphant.

I think that's really interesting and really reminded me of this piece George Monbiot had in The Guardian yesterday.

Conspiracy fictions also tell us we don’t have to act. If the problem is a remote and highly unlikely Other – rather than a system in which we’re deeply embedded, which demands a democratic campaign of resistance and reconstruction – you can wash your hands of it and get on with your life. They free us from civic responsibility. This may be why those who take an interest in conspiracy fictions are so seldom interested in genuine conspiracies.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/may/04/youre-going-to-call-me-a-holocaust-denier-now-are-you-george-monbiot-comes-face-to-face-with-his-local-conspiracy-theorist

You are applying the logic of someone who isn’t suffering from a psychiatric or psychological illness or personality disorder.

Fair enough.

Unfortunately in the UK in 2024, this would not merit any kind of urgent MH intervention.

@Fandangodiggers and @BIWI thank you, my curiosity is satisfied! I will be looking into low carb boot camp!

Hi OP,
If it were me I would want to report/record/discuss with the police on my local number. I would want it recorded/investigated that my relative/friend whoever had made these allegations and the evidence i.e. the notebook/the history of the prosecution of someone at the golf club/ the obsession with the golf club.

My number one priority would be ensuring that my husband was protected and that we weren't going to wake up to the police battering our doors down one morning and taking our computers.

Your sister has no concerns about throwing wild accusations around and the next person she accuses might not take it on the chin. Accusations like that can lead to serious life consequences and suicides. I would want the police to talk to her. At the least when she accuses someone else it is already on record that she will make wild accusations based on thin air.

There's your answer.

She's a massive walking red flag and you allow her in your home.

Imagine she'd gone to the police and they raided your home,arrested your husband, then removed your children.

She's crossed a massive line by this behaviour.

I’m going to go against the “serious mental illness” view. There may be some MH issues at play. But a few things don’t match it for me. Firstly, being fairly easily talked down from things - that doesn’t match the certainty of true delusions. Secondly, it all being about the excitement of knowing “the truth”, not acting on the knowledge. My (limited, I am not an expert) experience of true delusions is that the person would have felt bound to do something about it - talk you in to leaving your husband, breaking in to the golf club after hours to find the children, etc.

Also, I think people are unaware of how common this kind of thing is. The number of people who believe these conspiracies is frighteningly high. They are not all mentally ill.

I agree that cults are a good comparison, and reading up on them would be a good idea if you want to try to keep a level of relationship with her.

Do you have children? I don’t pick up an inference that you do, but if you do I’d also report to police and GP, because if she reports a version of this to someone in authority (unlikely, that doesn’t fit the conspiracy in which they’re all involved), she could make life very difficult for you. Better to get ahead of that. Same if either of you are teachers, need to hold DBS, etc.

Omg I couldn’t cope with this!!

Exactly so.
She is benefitting from this as it feeds her ego. That is different to serious mental illness.

OP, I think you might have normalised her behaviour a bit.

Anyone accusing your DH of such a serious crime should be cut out of your life for good. Think of the harm she could do if she went round telling people or reporting it. She's probably on some spurious websites writing all about it. But... think of the potential consequences and protect yourselves. This isn't just one of her quirks- she could end up getting your DH arrested.

Your sister is batshit.
She needs to be in a secure unit

@Sapphire387, you almost certainly know people who though Covid was a big conspiracy and there was a cover up than would have had to involve the ICU healthcare workers around the word and vaccine scientists. It is crazy egotism and not that rare.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4826596-a-quarter-of-people-in-the-uk-believe-covid-was-or-was-probably-a-hoax-as-well-as-believing-other-conspiracy-theories

FIVE STARS - HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

I did boot camp some years ago and it really did help. Helped my then ex lose a lot of weight to put his diabetes into remission. Then he split up and some other silly bugger (me) wasnt putting all the effort in for him and he is now fatter than ever as he literally eats take away food 3 times a day.

OP your sister sounds alot like my sister! The crystals, witchcraft and she's also psychic, a covid denier (all a government conspiracy) . She turned vegan about 2 years ago, dreadlocks and has never had a proper job in her life (now turning 40 this year). She's an alcoholic and I put alot of her issues down to having too much free time and spending time online and finding like minded people such as herself to connect with who all seem to have similar beliefs. Disconnecting themselves from reality as normal life is too "normal" for them. She enjoys drama and being the centre of attention. She exhausts me to be honest but at the end of the day she is my sister and I love her and although we are like chalk and cheese I will always be there for her and hoping one day she'll wake up... In terms of your sister I understand it's quite a big thing to accuse your husband off but she sounds delusional, something i imagine my sister would do also. If she has realised the seriousness of her accusations I would just forget it but make sure she knows that's her last chance with you.. I would also want an apology for what she's done and stealing the notebook.

My main question would be, why are you writing the pattern in US crochet terms not UK ones. Is there any benefit?

I would consider urging her to access mental health support, contact her mental health team if you know them. Whilst this has long been her nature, there has been a change if she can no longer discuss other things and always brings it straight back to her beliefs.

This isn't helpful in the slightest but it's usually extreme right-wingers who are into conspiracies, many of which are centred around child trafficking and killing of children. And lizards 😆

If this is all true then it's really quite sad that she has become so paranoid due to the rabbit hole she's stuck down.

As a crocheter, I do find it hilarious tho 😂

I’ve never heard of them.

IME it’s nearly always left wingers