2dc/sc/slpst/ chain 1 - why my sister thinks my husband is a sex trafficker.

[Fandangodiggers]

NC but penis beaker, Mexican house thief, screaming in the Sistine etc etc.

My sister lives alone and started an online relationship with an American man during covid. He moved to the U.K. in 2022. They live together, apparently entirely platonically. We’ll call him ‘Ken’. Ken has had to spend the last few months back in America (something to do with his visa) so we’ve been inviting my sister round for coffees and dinner a couple of times a month.

My sister and Ken originally bonded over their shared political views. Both are from the very far left, and together their views have gotten more and more extreme. Unfortunately, both have become fans of conspiracy theories.

Last night my sister came over unannounced and wanted to speak to me alone. She seemed concerned so we went for a coffee. It transpires that my sister believes that she has uncovered a child sex trafficking ring being run from the golf club where my husband is a member, and she believes my husband is the main organiser.

This kind of madness is fairly on brand for my sister but this was well beyond her normal batshittery. Her key piece of evidence was a notebook she had stolen from my house the last time she was there that contains a ‘secret code’ she has managed to decipher. 2dc = 2 dead children, 1sc = 1 sexy child etc etc. in this book she’s found an entire inventory my husband is keeping and by her and Ken’s reckoning, thousands of children have passed through this golf club.

I write crochet patterns as a hobby. Granted, she probably isn’t aware of this.

It has to be the end of my relationship with my sister at this point (obviously) but I’m so desperately sad to lose her this way. I was hoping with Ken away, we would be able to bring her back into the fold and stop her decent into conspiracy theory madness but I honestly think she’s too far gone.

Just on the off chance, has anyone ever managed to successfully salvage someone from extreme radicalisation like this or do I need to follow my instincts on this one and let her go? I’m resigned to losing her but if there’s a chance to salvage her I’d like to try.

FYI I have of course told DH, he thinks it’s hilarious so no harm done there but I have told him to alert the golf course staff in case she tries to burn the place down or something.

precisely

Do you have any other family who can speak with her either with or without you? I think she needs to see someone for mental health help. Sorry, I don't know the correct terminology. I wouldn't think this was the time to go NC, but the time to try and hemp her. Especially when her partner is away

I think op is concerned that this could have further consequences should she maintain the relationship. The sister is suspicious of DH even in the light of the ops reveal of the code's meaning. There could be further accusations made, to social services, the police, stalking, ken could get involved and it could escalate. It sounds unlikely but it's already moved up a level here.

I agree with those saying probable mental health issue. Don't cut her off, just make sure and talk to all relatives (in case she starts reporting her deluded ideas).
Have relative with similar issues and yes heavy weed use is known to increase likelihood of psychotic episodes.

I’m listening to all of you so thank you. I had considered mental health getting worse but other than this she’s seemed on good form recently. I had thought she was coming back a bit with Ken away.

Hes likely to be away for the rest of this year I believe but they are still in contact multiple times a day.

Immediately read your crochet stitches

She's loopy

Take a step back and go LC

I was going to come on to say that it sounds like she is suffering from paranoid delusion, which can be a symptom of schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses, as well as some personality disorders. Although it is quite unusual for someone suffering from paranoid delusions to back down from a delusion so easily. Unlike psychosis, it is sometimes possible to persuade someone that a delusion is incorrect. However, I am surprised she immediately accepted that she was wrong if she is delusional. Unless she still believes that your DH is head of a paedophile ring at the golf club and it is only the crochet pattern book that she accepts she was mistaken about.

It does sound like your sister needs help, whether for a psychiatric or psychological disorder or radicalisation. On the other hand, do not underestimate the nightmare that having someone who is unwell making false accusations can cause. If you can help your sister, that would be great but put your family first. Is there another family member who can intervene?

No other family unfortunately, we were both orphaned when I was a child and our grandad who took me in died 4 years later. She would have been 23/25 when our parents died and 29 when Grandad died. We have an aunt and cousins (dads sister) but we’re not close, haven’t seen them in decades.

What is BIWI?

Apologies if I’ve missed it.. but what was her response to you correcting her? Did she not accept that they were patterns?

You think social services and the police will be remotely interested? You honestly think this will get her "entry to immediate help"?

Sorry to say you are clueless about the state of MH services.

@Fandangodiggers read up on radicalisation and do some reading on how to talk to her successfully. You won't be getting any help from anywhere, so if you want to help her you'll have to learn how to do it yourself.

I is BIWI!

Very glad I changed your life @Fandangodiggers but I'm PMSL that somehow now I am validating posters as non-trolls

She said she did, and she gave me back my notebook but she remains suspicious of the golf club.

Oh sorry 🤣

I thought BIWI was a crochet method 🤣🤣

This is my feeling too. Again she’s had mental health support in the past and never received a diagnosis. I’m happy to accept she may have tipped the balance from believing conspiracies into paranoid delusions, but I also accept that people believe weird things and it’s not always for medical reasons. If she accepts a premise that underground child trafficking gangs among the rich exist and it’s an epidemic (she has believed this for a long time based on ‘evidence’ she reads online), then why not believe this is happening locally? I’ll annoy some people with this but it’s like a religion - she believes the core principles on faith, but then applies them to her own life. ‘I believe in god’ and ‘god is punishing me for bad things I’ve done and that’s why I have xyz disease’ is a similar leap. It’s just that one is mainstream and one isn’t. This is also how she’s described why she believes things to me in the past. She’s also said that ‘every scandal starts as a conspiracy theory’ when we’ve had discussions about her beliefs. I honestly don’t believe she has an underlying pathology, she just believes what she believes.

The cynical part of me though thinks she might actually not believe it, and she does it for attention and because it suits her personal brand. I think this is another drama she can create for attention from me. I try not to think this way though because as mentioned, I do love her.

An institution at last BIWI

so are you going NC as originally planned or not?

My ex fiance became like this. It was unhinged. It was insane. Terrible.

I left years ago and thank myself for it every day because I honestly can't express how bad it was.

So sorry this is happening to your sister OP, it's awful when these conspiracy cults drag people in. My heart goes out to you OP, stuff like this may seem 'hilarious' to other people but when you see someone you care about lose all sanity, it's absolutely heartbreaking.

I really hope she goes back to being her old self OP 😞❤️

I’m hoping there’s alternatives. My husband took it in good humour and is very laid back generally which is great, but if she goes any further (talking to his work, turning up at golf etc) then that would be a nightmare. It’s the first time her behaviour has impacted us personally if that makes sense and the first time it could have consequences for us.

If I ignore this behaviour from her and don’t send her a message through going NC after this first episode of it encroaching on our lives that it’s unacceptable then I worry I’m not protecting my family from her. From previous experience, she tends to take every thought to the absolute extreme until there’s consequences for her, then she drops it. An example of this would be when she decided she was a Medium. She said our dead parents had contacted her, I was outraged and deeply upset by it and I couldn’t speak to her for months. She apologised and never mentioned it again.

If I go NC, I worry I’m not protecting her from Ken. Then I think she’s an adult and not my responsibility so I don’t have a responsibility to protect her from herself/ Ken. Then I think ‘but what if she’s sick?’ And I go around again.

If you’re concerned she is susceptible to becoming radicalised, you can seek confidential advice through “Act Early”:

https://actearly.uk/contact/

Noi assumed he had 2 kids, one child and got lost at slpst. Id honestly have no clue about any knitting or crochet code

I wouldn't have her in your home again as she's stealing from you and I wouldn't expose your DH to her accusations either. He might find it funny now but what if she starts telling your neighbours that he's involved in child abuse? Who are people likely to believe, it's one of those "no smoke without fire" accusations.

Any meetings going forward in neutral spaces like a coffee shop and I would be passing on my concerns to her GP, if you cannot contact her's report to your own. I would want this noted somewhere official that she's struggling incase she ramps up her accusations.I would be acting to protect myself.

I suggested this due to a similar incident in my own life.
We ended up having to call the police.
It was the right thing to do and got my person the help they needed.

I also appreciate it was 15 years ago and I do not live in GB

And I'm sure Ken's conspiracy friends in the US are identifying the same code in all sorts of places (golf courses?) and tracking down the other perpetrators as we speak. It will probably be out there on some of the loony sites any time soon.

🤦🏽‍♀️ no advice. She sounds as nuts as a woman who moved to our smallish town a few years back. Coincidentally she was American(Texas). She was convinced the government were after her, stealing her post, she didn’t have phone or internet as they were tracking her. She would take notes of every car number plate that went past, they were all secret codes for drug dealers etc. the police wouldn’t do anything as apparently they were in on it. She even had her windows covered with tin foil. I really felt sorry for her tbh