2dc/sc/slpst/ chain 1 - why my sister thinks my husband is a sex trafficker.

[Fandangodiggers]

NC but penis beaker, Mexican house thief, screaming in the Sistine etc etc.

My sister lives alone and started an online relationship with an American man during covid. He moved to the U.K. in 2022. They live together, apparently entirely platonically. We’ll call him ‘Ken’. Ken has had to spend the last few months back in America (something to do with his visa) so we’ve been inviting my sister round for coffees and dinner a couple of times a month.

My sister and Ken originally bonded over their shared political views. Both are from the very far left, and together their views have gotten more and more extreme. Unfortunately, both have become fans of conspiracy theories.

Last night my sister came over unannounced and wanted to speak to me alone. She seemed concerned so we went for a coffee. It transpires that my sister believes that she has uncovered a child sex trafficking ring being run from the golf club where my husband is a member, and she believes my husband is the main organiser.

This kind of madness is fairly on brand for my sister but this was well beyond her normal batshittery. Her key piece of evidence was a notebook she had stolen from my house the last time she was there that contains a ‘secret code’ she has managed to decipher. 2dc = 2 dead children, 1sc = 1 sexy child etc etc. in this book she’s found an entire inventory my husband is keeping and by her and Ken’s reckoning, thousands of children have passed through this golf club.

I write crochet patterns as a hobby. Granted, she probably isn’t aware of this.

It has to be the end of my relationship with my sister at this point (obviously) but I’m so desperately sad to lose her this way. I was hoping with Ken away, we would be able to bring her back into the fold and stop her decent into conspiracy theory madness but I honestly think she’s too far gone.

Just on the off chance, has anyone ever managed to successfully salvage someone from extreme radicalisation like this or do I need to follow my instincts on this one and let her go? I’m resigned to losing her but if there’s a chance to salvage her I’d like to try.

FYI I have of course told DH, he thinks it’s hilarious so no harm done there but I have told him to alert the golf course staff in case she tries to burn the place down or something.

There is guidance out there about dealing with radicalised family and friends OP. I've heard it being discussed on the radio, but am not an expert, so like other PPs, I would suggest looking it up. AFAIK it is about retaining some contact but I can't remember what the approach on degree of challenge is.

Good luck.

I wouldn't know a crochet pattern for sure unless it got up and a did a dance in front of me whist singing "look at me I'm a crochet pattern, I'm a crochet pattern follow me and this is what I make" Even then I probably wouldn't be convinced

I'd be far more likely to jump to the conclusion that the OP or her husband is a secret agent and they're about to leave the notebook at a dead drop.

Child traffiking wouldn't cross my mind.

This is a blatant stitch-up.

This! I wouldn’t know a crochet pattern from Adam but I don’t think there is any situation where my first thought would be “got to be a golf club sex trafficking problem” 🙈

I’m sorry that your relationship is on the rocks. It sounds to me like she has smoked way too much marujuana and is sadly now paranoid. This can be dangerous. i think you need to distance yourself.

I w as the same, totally confused until I finished the explanation. Totally bizarre.

Well.i wouldn't have a clue but then neither would I pinch note books from my sisters house and assume random letters many her partner was involved in some child sex trafficking chain.

If you want to keep your sister in your life to some degree, then listen to the podcast "a very british cult". It's incredibly informative about maintaining contact with loved ones who've become involved in a cult. Essentially, keep everything very neutral, don't bother trying to convince her she's wrong, avoid difficult conversations.

But of course you would be very much within your rights to decide that you can't maintain a relationship with her at this point.

I dread to think what she thought that slpst meant.

Why was she snooping at things anyway?

Do you really think she is a danger to the golf club? If you do I’d report it to the police and try and get some kind of welfare check, that’s possibly the best way to go about it if you think she is a danger to others. I am sure you do love her, but people like this can be draining. Going NC probably isn’t the best long term plan, but if you need a break I don’t think you should feel bad for taking a step back. I love my sister a lot even tho she can be a bit challenging (not on the same level as your sister) but if she did something like this I would definitely need a bit of time away. Don’t get guilted and think going NC means you don’t love her or are an uncaring bitch. Only you know what is right for your situation and your sister definitely sounds like she’s a lot. If she really has been radicalised it’s probably worth looking into getting her help from a professional because it sounds like it’s progressed past something you can talk her out of.

@Ohhmydays, If I might suggest from ignorance, that sounds very different.
Your old neighbour was suffering more than anyone else. She does deserve support and sympathy.
The OP's sister and husband get to feel very self-important, but drop it when it does not work for them. I have a sister working in ICU during covid and I was working in the vaccine industry, that people are allowed to accuse of murder and have no consequences is a failure of society.

It definitely sounds like there's MH issues at play so this won't fully help you but I've found this book really helpful.

Escaping the Rabbit Hole: How to Debunk Conspiracy Theories Using Facts, Logic, and Respect https://amzn.eu/d/eSqh6vs

It'll help you have conversations with her a bit. I've found it good for talking to my conspiracy theorist mum.

Does she know the difference between a bunker & a bunk-up ?

She obviously has some MH issues and I’d be concerned that this man Ken has preyed on her vulnerability.

I would tell her to go to the police if she has concerns about child sex trafficking, even if it involves your DH.

1.Because any hint of child rape should be investigated, even if it’s completely wrong.
2.Because it might flag her up on police records and potentially this Ken man too.

I think she’s suspected the local golf club is a sex trafficking operation for a while - it stems back to one of the members being arrested for child pornography and being part of a pedophile ring last year. It had nothing to do with the golf course except that he was a member there. She and Ken then took this and decided it was part of the underground child trafficking operation of QAnon fame because they believe all child abuse is linked and it’s like a drug king-pin/ gang situation. Her and DH had a fairly heated conversation about it just after Ken went home and it was one of the first things that made us decide to see more of her while Ken was gone so we could help her see the light a bit. Anyway DH was very kind to her but quite firm that she was wrong about the golf course. She appeared to drop it, but clearly hasn’t.

So essentially it’s not a ‘see crochet, think sex trafficking’ situation, it’s a ‘thinking sex trafficking, see code and immediately assume it’s evidence’ which I don’t think is better?

She’s no more vulnerable than Ken is honestly - I think they are as bad as each other and they wind each other up.

@BIWI my burning question is how did you change the OPs life, exactly?!

This is a good question - I assume she suspected the golf course and felt it was her duty to ‘look for evidence’. That’s if I’m being kind. If I’m not, I’d say she just wants to stir up trouble between me and DH and didn’t realise the handwriting was mine (we didn’t grow up together, don’t write cards etc so she doesn’t really know my handwriting)

The book was in the bookshelf (it’s a completed notebook, I have several) so she’d have to have looked for anything handwritten in there to see it.

You understand accusing someone of being a paedophile is much worse than accusing someone of being an alcoholic?

You understand one will destroy a reputation entirely for life even if there’s no truth whatsoever in the matter. It could leave to actual children being put under safeguarding, all computers to be removed, and livelihood destroyed over a conspiracy theory.

Im sorry you had to deal with the consequences of your mother’s lifestyle, but it is not remotely comparable. You actually were in a terrible situation. The OP’s husband is innocent.

I can answer that - BIWI runs the low carb boot camp on here and I was overweight most of my life. I lost 3st roughly on her boot camp, lost a further 2 stone afterwards and I’ve been a healthy weight ever since.

I would absolutely cut someone out of my life if they accused my husband of sex trafficking children.

I'd assume she was smoking marijuana again. Which these days is psychotic skunk.

Once you had explained that this was your writing and the abbreviations for crochet why wasn't she red faces and apologised?

I have the same notes and it can easily be verified online that these are what we use for noting crochet instructions.

Sounds really upsetting and weird AF. She sounds unstable, easily led and deluded. It must be so hurtful that she's said these things. Tbh I'd be fucking incensed and worried that she'd repeat the claims on social media or in public. This is a huge accusation obviously, I'd probably say that to her and maybe even get a lawyers letter around false allegations or whatever they word these things.

Also, again for your own understanding, this podcast is really interesting to understand how people come to believe something like this

https://www.tortoisemedia.com/listen/hoaxed/

It's about the Hampstead child abuse ring conspiracy from a few years back.