DH has become totally unsupportive of my career / business

[SparklyGreenKoala]

I have been a SAHM for a while and with my youngest a few years into primary school, I decided to start my a business with a friend.
It’s a business where the bulk of the work will need to be done during the weekends, so I am out most of Saturday and Sunday but this also means I am completely present the other 5 days.

At first, my husband was very supportive but he has become increasingly dismissive and patronising, because the business hasn’t yet turned a profit. It’s only been going for 3.5 years and it will take time to become established and profitable; He thinks it’s a waste of time and that I should do something else, but I love what I do. I get so much satisfaction from my work, I couldn’t imagine doing something else.

However, his main gripe is he doesn’t have the weekends free to himself and he is carrying more of the burden than me. I have tried to ignore this but he just becomes very shouty, accusing me of having a jolly whilst he has to deal a job he hates.

I accept, it’s not going to be easy, and I have arranged a cleaner to come on Friday afternoons, so there is no house work for him to do on Saturday mornings. However, the complaining hasn’t stopped and he has started to involve the wider family.

Am inbeing reasonable in asking him to support me.

When are you projecting to make any profit? What about a decent amount?

3.5 years is a long time…

(I say that as a self employed business owner).

Are you making any money whatsoever from your business?

So you have a hobby business that you are actively spending money on, that still doesn't make a penny years in, all your kids are in school so you basically have the whole week off anyway, and meanwhile he works a FT job he hates all week and then watches your kids all weekend while you pursue your hobby, I mean "business".

Yeah, YABU.

If the situation is that he works Monday to Friday, while you're at home and the kids are at school, then he has to do all of the weekend alone with the kids while you pursue a non-profitable business, I think he has been an actual saint.

You have given over all family time at weekends for 3.5 years and are still not making a profit? This is not a viable business.

3.5 years is too long to have been trading without turning a profit.

so you get most of Monday - Friday free while the children are at school. When does he get a day off?

if your not making money how much money is the business costing you? When is it likely to make a profit?

Sorry, I should have made it clearer: it’s seasonable work so from Oct till March it’s dead.

3.5 years is a long time. Your business should at least be covering costs by now.

Your business plan needs to convince your DH (who I assume is keeping you). Or take your business plan to a bank and get a business loan to pay yourself a salary.

If your business plan doesn't convince either of them, then your DH is not being unreasonable.

Are you actually making any money from the business? In all honesty, it doesnt sound like there is any benefit to the family in you having this business, other than for you.

I think your husband has valid points.

I can see why he feels that way.

This doesn't sound like a viable business.

Whats stopping you making profit? Volume? Competition? Costs?

YABU. 3 years plus of no income is unfair on the family if you have other options to earn income. Especially since your chosen option means you’re rarely around at weekends.

Yes - it's not just a lack of profit, its the opportunity cost - you could have earned 60k just working in employment in those 3 years.

Spend at least one weekend day as family time altogether

After 3.5 years I’d be pretty miffed if my partner still wasn’t turning a profit, particularly if it had a detrimental impact on our family life.

Your update about it being seasonal makes it worse for me... you're basically away working for a non profit business on the weekends in the nicest months of the year, when you could have an alternative job that allows both you and your husband down time and family time.

Honestly if my DH wasn't present for most weekends after 3.5 years and still not making a profit I can't say I'd be very supportive, when your kids are in school it's the only time you have. Is this a reverse? I struggle to see how you can't see that.

So all summer, he works all week then looks after the dcs all weekend while you pursue your hobby for no benefit to anyone else except yourself.

This reminds me of those threads where the man goes cycling all day every Saturday and Sunday through the summer and the wife has reached breaking point. Or he's 'writing a book'.

Try looking at it from his point of you.

And my opinion doesn't change with the update that it's only summer, that's still a lot of time, and the best time for getting out and about!

While you’re not making any profit - are you at least drawing a salary from the business. If not, then 3.5 years is a long time to get the business going.

I can see why your DH is getting pissed off - no family time for six months of the year and no opportunity to have some time to himself at the weekends.

Woah. So he works all week, pays all the bills and has the kids all weekend, but no real family time altogether or downtime? And you have the time to yourself while your DC are in school then do essentially your hobby (not a business yet as not earning anything) all weekend? Yeah, I'd be unsupportive of that too.

And what does you 'arranging a cleaner' on fridays really mean? An extra expense? Is he paying for that? That's not really a solution.

This year, we have never lost money. We have repaid loans etc

What do you do Monday to Friday while your kids are in school ? Is there a possibility of your DH reducing his working week so that he has equal free time to you ?

Wow. I would not accept this. You've got the bloody life of Riley!