DH has become totally unsupportive of my career / business

[SparklyGreenKoala]

I have been a SAHM for a while and with my youngest a few years into primary school, I decided to start my a business with a friend.
It’s a business where the bulk of the work will need to be done during the weekends, so I am out most of Saturday and Sunday but this also means I am completely present the other 5 days.

At first, my husband was very supportive but he has become increasingly dismissive and patronising, because the business hasn’t yet turned a profit. It’s only been going for 3.5 years and it will take time to become established and profitable; He thinks it’s a waste of time and that I should do something else, but I love what I do. I get so much satisfaction from my work, I couldn’t imagine doing something else.

However, his main gripe is he doesn’t have the weekends free to himself and he is carrying more of the burden than me. I have tried to ignore this but he just becomes very shouty, accusing me of having a jolly whilst he has to deal a job he hates.

I accept, it’s not going to be easy, and I have arranged a cleaner to come on Friday afternoons, so there is no house work for him to do on Saturday mornings. However, the complaining hasn’t stopped and he has started to involve the wider family.

Am inbeing reasonable in asking him to support me.

I wondered the same thing.

There's absolutely no chance an MLM would pay 12000 over six months after costs. Also a "downline" is usually way more than 2 other people. MLMs depend on continual hustle and are an abomination.

yes but that be working Mon to Fri. you get the spend family time at weekend then you and your husband spend time with the children. that's what is being asked for

Lots to read and I will. I am slightly disappointed with the general response from users. There are other threads where women have decided to go to university and their husbands have been flamed for being unsupportive. What I am doing doesn’t require the same commitment of a university student.

The Uni course thing is fixed time and very likely to lead to more money long term - while you say your business will too it's harder to gauge.

Also sound like if you went back to previous HR work you'd work in week when kids are majority in school and be around at weekends and earn more currently. He may not be seeing downside of that - childcare costs - time of for school things him having to step up more and you have less flexibility - all that can often be overlooked.

I don't know how realistic you are being about your business - but I can see why your DH might be disgruntled at current situation - but people on line agreeing or disagreeing with you solves nothing - your DH is one you need to sort things out with.

I just cannot understand why you would pursue a summer weekend based business when you have loads of child free time in the week.

If you wanted to start a business for your own fulfilment and didn’t care too much whether it was profit making, there were plenty of things you could have done that would fit within the school day.

I’m guessing the other 2 people in your business are good friends of yours and you are basically having a fun time doing a hobby job with mates at weekends while DH does childcare.

OP won't be back, she's already made it clear that she was expecting to be told she's right because she's a woman - she's had to go fish for validation elsewhere that she can use to railroad her DH into being a mug.

This.
There are times when the notion of "the sisterhood" is actively harmful and this is one of them. OP was expecting everyone to ra-ra-ra her and denigrate her husband for not doing so purely because she's a woman. Instead she's rightly had her arse handed to her on a plate.

@Bumblebeestiltskin surely you mean you wouldn't have carried on if you weren't taking a wage out of the business?
op IS taking a wage out of her business.
When she talks about profit she means there is nothing left after everyone has drawn a salary.
I am also self-employed but as a sole trader my profits are the money that is left for me when all my expenses are covered. Op has a different sort of setup. She is making money, the differences in terminology are clouding the picture.

That's actually a very good point. A 1k wage (especially after almost 4 years) is not a very lofty aim for a business. There are plenty of all year round/term time, weekday businesses that would fulfil that low criteria of 1k/month.

Essentially, OP's current business makes money by catering to high demand on summer weekends. Whoever turns up to sell (for example) ice cream will deffo make £... It just depends on who is desperate enough to turn up and sell ice cream.

Should OP be this desperate? Surely there are less desperate business options? OP is "selling" her summer weekends too, so she needs to take into account that her time comes at a premium cost.

That said, OP sounds passionate and I'm sure whatever OP is selling has great quality too. So instead of simply going for the lowest hanging fruit (physically hanging around for hours on summer weekends when the crowd is there), could she adjust her product/service and strategy a bit, eg branding & pricing up to reduce hours, shifting market base, diversifying her products a little bit?

Catering to seasonal demand is always a good idea – but it shouldn't be the only one. How to make it sustainably work in the long term (even for a single person but especially for a parent or an older person who wants a life)? Lots of ideas out there.

I really aim not just trying to knock OP for the sake of it... I've been there and am still there myself as a self-employed freelancer (who also hires and markets).

OP's DC are 10+. The "childcare" needed is more in the nature of giving them lifts to places; being about as a sounding board if they need to vent; supporting (or chivvying) re things like homework; finding the thing they must have now that has inexplicably vanished; sorting food and drink; encouraging them to wash ...

Paying someone to take them for the park for 2 hours really isn't what's needed. It's hard to outsource parenting of tweens/teens.

She doesn’t do all the household tasks - DH pays for a cleaner twice a week anyway.

Solo parenting is hard and can be lonely at times. That’s why SAHM’s get a lot of support with people sympathising with how difficult it can be. But OP’s DH is working a full time stressful job supporting the family then having to do this every weekend for 6 months.

Whilst it sounds as though it’s not actually a daily bad wage OP is getting, it’s just not a suitable business for this moment in her life. When her children are older teens/adults it would be fine, but for now, a job/business that allows family time and a bit of a break for her DH seems much more suitable.

I'd only want to work every weekend for 6 months of the year if it was unavoidable - its a lot of family time gone.

A bright student to help with homework would be a help or to supervise the kids sorting out their lunch. The principle is the same but obviously with age appropriate activities, the point is an adult to be there if the father wants to engage in some activities/downtime for him.

Thanks for all your feedback. I could have written more but I don’t want to reveal too much.
I will speak to my partners about swapping roles, so I will be home more.
Thx to all <unreasonable / reasonable> for offering advice, it made me open my mind.

OP I suggest you re-ask for business advice. A lot of what you’ve said contradicts itself and you really sound like you could do with someone experienced weighing in and helping you see if your business is viable, or if you can change it to make it better.

Business advice from more experienced people is what helped me turn my business into a profitable business.

Life is too short to pile all your energy and weekends away for little financial return. You might love it now, but you’ll resent it if it’s not making you a reasonable income.

.

I bet this 'business' is an MLM......

OP's taking home £12k a year, it's highly unlikely to be an MLM. (and I say that as someone completely on her husband's side)

Where did you find business advice?

https://businesswales.gov.wales/mentoring/

Not sure what’s available outside of Wales.

Ace, thanks!

This.

Your husband is a saint.

I agree, it’s got the whiff of MLM but I hope I’m wrong for OP’s sake. The lack of confirmation and the comment that some make millions sounds distinctly pyramiddy. If it is MLM @SparklyGreenKoala you should know that current research shows that 99.6% of all participants in MLM lose money, with the ones who make make millions being the ones who had lucky timing and a ruthless ability to recruit others and they are very rare. So I hope it’s not that.

I think this is the wrong approach. She can have a career in HR. If I was her husband I would support further training in HR if needed in order to go for a promotion etc. That's what we all do. That's what her husband did in order to be a high earner. He didn't follow his passion.

He hates his job and would appreciate for her to go back to a career for him not to have the pressure to be the "higher earner".

Your set up is not really not fair on him OP. Sorry.