DH has become totally unsupportive of my career / business

[SparklyGreenKoala]

I have been a SAHM for a while and with my youngest a few years into primary school, I decided to start my a business with a friend.
It’s a business where the bulk of the work will need to be done during the weekends, so I am out most of Saturday and Sunday but this also means I am completely present the other 5 days.

At first, my husband was very supportive but he has become increasingly dismissive and patronising, because the business hasn’t yet turned a profit. It’s only been going for 3.5 years and it will take time to become established and profitable; He thinks it’s a waste of time and that I should do something else, but I love what I do. I get so much satisfaction from my work, I couldn’t imagine doing something else.

However, his main gripe is he doesn’t have the weekends free to himself and he is carrying more of the burden than me. I have tried to ignore this but he just becomes very shouty, accusing me of having a jolly whilst he has to deal a job he hates.

I accept, it’s not going to be easy, and I have arranged a cleaner to come on Friday afternoons, so there is no house work for him to do on Saturday mornings. However, the complaining hasn’t stopped and he has started to involve the wider family.

Am inbeing reasonable in asking him to support me.

I am also failing to understand why a cleaner is needed on Fridays? Aren’t you home all week? And if your kids are both in school then why can’t you make sure there’s no housework for your husband to do on Saturday mornings?

Your husband is rightly annoyed that he works full time in a job he doesn’t love and then has full childcare responsibilities at the weekends too. Can you not understand his reasoning? If roles were reversed your husband would be torn to fucking shreds on here for doing this!

I understand you love your work and are passionate about it, is there anyway it could be done during the week? Possibly working for someone else rather than through your own business?

Same. Even if you were turning a big profit I wouldn’t be happy about the work being every weekend over the summer when you have the whole week whilst the kids are in school (I understand that works well for school holidays but still). No family time together at the weekends would upset me. It would have to be hugely profitable for me to be okay with sacrificing the whole summer season of family weekends for.

I also don’t understand the need for the Friday afternoon cleaner? Didn’t you say you’re at home during the week whilst the kids are in school? I’m certainly not a “that’s the woman’s job” type person, but it is primarily the SAHparent’s job, particularly when the children are in school.

It just doesn’t sound like a viable job when you have a family and I completely understand your DH’s point of view here.

I would be so unbelievably pissed off to be left alone with the kids every weekend for 6 months if it wasn’t completely necessary financially.

Same. I get annoyed enough one it's one weekend!

*when

It’s only 6 months of the year.

If this was a post complaining about a SAH husband doing the same thing then disappearing every week and leaving the FT wife to have the kids all weekend, it would be LTB and he's a cocklodger.

Absolutely. He'd be torn to shreds. Yet here there are still posters (albeit a minority) supporting OP.

So you loll about the house while the kids are at school and then you take off for the weekend? So he’s working to bring in the actual money, he’s doing his share of the house and child rearing work in the evenings and he’s then solo parenting at the weekends? And all this has been going on for years?

but it’s ok because you’ve got a cleaner to do all that cleaning you aren’t doing during your house-lolling hours. Who is funded with his money because again, he’s bankrolling the whole thing.

Poor sod.

I think you're unfair to OP, she's working 7 days a week too, not only her husband. She's looking after the kids and house 5 days a week and is working on weekends. What do you mean what she's doing during 5 days a week while kids are at school?

She's cooking, she's dropping her kids at school, she's doing grocery shopping, wash and iron all clothes, helping kids with homework etc. Only because she has a cleaner once a week for a few hours, it doesn't mean there's no household chores during the week.

Are you being serious? 😂

If it's costing money to run the business, he could be concerned that you are not moving towards a profit. Could you show him your plan/projections to reassure him that it's in hand to succeed in X months/years.
The fact he hates his job is a shame, maybe he wants to change career or role but can't if your business isn't making money.
Do you need advice from professionals on growing your business? Maybe a business mentor? There might be some schemes for free advice out there?

@WiseKhakiGoose oh give over, her kids are in school, she's not "working 7 days a week".

I would be exactly the same as your husband. I would make it your goal to work in the week or only 1 weekend day. It's not fair him having the kids every weekend, evening if it's just in the summer. Do you want your kids to remember you as the mum that was never there? If you can't do the above then I'm sorry but find another job. Imagine not having down time for months on end? No family time?

I agree with what everyone else has said YABU

So you get 5 days a week to yourself while the kids are in school yet he's got to be on all weekend? Yeah fuck that. I really wouldn't be happy if I were him.
I mean it's been 3.5 years. He has the patience of a Saint. This would not have washed either way in this house.

I work full time and have two small kids and I don’t need a cleaner. It really puzzles me why anyone would who had two school aged kids and no week day job, unless the OP has an unmentioned disability.

That means she's earning more, 12k÷52 days a year of work= 230£/day. Is it such a terrible profit? Obviously, if OP can do another job and earn 1000£/day, it will be reasonable for her to do it. But, I assume she doesn't have a job, where she can work 6 months a year for 2 days a week and earn 1000£/day.

Agree with that @WiseKhakiGoose think that's quite a tidy income for half a year only working 2 days a week. It's the childcare thing that's off. Though I might be biased, I book the odd sneaky day/night off when mines at school to have a day to myself.

Seriously?

What's your business? Is it likely to boom now the foundations are laid?

£12k for 2 days work 6 months of the year

With presumably profit likely at some point - it's not a terrible wage but clearly weekend working for 6 months of the year is a huge issue for your DH.

It's clearly eating in to family time and your DH has an issue with it - so sit him down and talk it through - perhaps you are underestimating hours you work - perhaps he wants a time line to profit - perhaps he'd rather you work p/t in week or full time and paid childcare - perhaps he's just moaning and hasn't thought through what he wants or perhaps he not realise how much you enjoy it - he's your DH talk to him.

Big of you to be completely present when the kids are at school. Completely present for what? Daytime TV?
You’re a proper saint though, getting him a cleaner every Friday so he doesn’t have to do the cleaning you haven’t bothered to do from 09:30-14:00 all week (giving you some school run benefit there).
You lazy mare!

And what if her kids are at school? Who do you think is cooking all week and doing other household chores? I doubt OP husband is doing anything during the week.

FFS - that’s not profit! It doesn’t matter if she earns £20 a day or £2000 - if it costs more to provide the service than she earns it’s a LOSS.

And earnings aren’t always scalable like that.

Some businesses won’t be able to make money all year/week etc. It’s irrelevant what the grossed up earnings equate to if that can’t actually be earned.

If an ice cream man makes £1,000 on a beautiful sunny day it doesn’t mean his potential earnings for the year are £365,000.

Oh, give over. She's not doing the equivalent of a full-time job when her kids are in school and she pays for a cleaner

And what if her kids are at school? Who do you think is cooking all week and doing other household chores? I doubt OP husband is doing anything during the week

Well he's doing it on the weekend. And there's a cleaner. Cooking in 2024 is not an all day job. And what household chores are you doing to justify a full time job? Because I've been an adult for a couple of decades now and I can't think what you mean.