DH has become totally unsupportive of my career / business

[SparklyGreenKoala]

I have been a SAHM for a while and with my youngest a few years into primary school, I decided to start my a business with a friend.
It’s a business where the bulk of the work will need to be done during the weekends, so I am out most of Saturday and Sunday but this also means I am completely present the other 5 days.

At first, my husband was very supportive but he has become increasingly dismissive and patronising, because the business hasn’t yet turned a profit. It’s only been going for 3.5 years and it will take time to become established and profitable; He thinks it’s a waste of time and that I should do something else, but I love what I do. I get so much satisfaction from my work, I couldn’t imagine doing something else.

However, his main gripe is he doesn’t have the weekends free to himself and he is carrying more of the burden than me. I have tried to ignore this but he just becomes very shouty, accusing me of having a jolly whilst he has to deal a job he hates.

I accept, it’s not going to be easy, and I have arranged a cleaner to come on Friday afternoons, so there is no house work for him to do on Saturday mornings. However, the complaining hasn’t stopped and he has started to involve the wider family.

Am inbeing reasonable in asking him to support me.

No she doesn't. Because she's not turning a profit.

She may turn over 1k a month over the course of the year, but that's not the same as profit. She's contributing nothing to the household.

I don't think it's fair, no. I think a compromise would be an employee taking on some of your weekend duties so that you're not unavailable every weekend, or re-jigging tasks between you if the other two aren't at the same stage of life / find it easier to work weekends for whatever reason.

Fwiw - I find family life extraordinarily difficult sometimes and would gladly go to work instead (I run a small business). But because that would be landing DH in it I only work one weekend morning out of eight, and usually try wrangle it so I have my (bored) eldest child with me. Not how I want to do it, but seems fair.

She says she takes home a salary of 12k.

Yes, well said.

(I'm assuming it's something like a market stall selling ice cream, hence seasonal and weekend-only - apologies if I'm wildly off OP.)

@RobBeckettsGiantTeeth She said she pays herself a salary of 12k. That is paid before the profit as an expense.

Ah OK, I hadn't seen that post, I see it now.

However, that doesn't mean she's contributing that 12k to the household. Because the business isn't profitable. She doesn't even say it's breaking even. It's costing her.

I don’t get all the hand wringing over one parent being away for part of the week because it’s utterly normal for some of us.

Its normal where it brings in decent money and is the best option for the family.

Its not normal where it basically means one parent getting to spend 5 days a week doing sweet FA while kids are at all school & contributing little financially, then leaving their DP to pick up all the slack on weekends as well as bringing home most of the money!!

Three people taking salary from a loss making start-up. For 3.5 years.

Makes no sense frankly - sounds like no one involved has any business sense.

Those are all different scenarios to the OP's. It's not a situation forced by lack of money or childcare or a full-time job being far away, or military or any of that. This is much more like the comparisons made to husbands being into cycling and spending all weekend doing it and not being there for family time. It's leaving one parent doing the full-time work and bill-paying while the other has an easy time in the week (kids been at school several years) and then having fun in their non-profitable business every weekend for a big chunk of the year. That's not like your situation and no surprise the DH isn't up for it any longer.

That’s irrelevant if the business is loss making and she’s an owner/partner.

You have a really easy ride OP. Being 'present' when the rest of your family are out is pointless and it doesn't even sound like you are doing the cleaning if you need to pay a cleaner?

Then you get to do a 'job' you love all weekend while your husband and kids do their own thing? Meanwhile he spends all week doing a job he hates to pay the bills?

If you were my wife I'd be furious. It sounds like he has been really patient. Can you not get a proper job during the week and do your business one day a week at the weekend? I'm curious as to how your partners work it with their families?

YABU

Makes no sense frankly - sounds like no one involved has any business sense.

Yes and failure to recognise the huge opportunity cost. During that time OP could have got a full time job, even if starting at the bottom in 3.5 years they could have progressed up to a higher wage and be bringing in good money AND have the weekends as time for the family.

The only "benefit" I can see to OPs "business" is it's being used to justify OP not having to work while the children are at school.

How is it making a loss?!

I don’t want to get drawn into detail about this as I don’t think it’s relevant, which is why I said it’s not the point I was going to make. However since you asked where your maths was off…

April, May, June, July, August, September. I count six months there not seven. Have I missed one? 😝
Then when I’m weighing up the value of work, employment vs self employment etc there’s things like statutory holiday, NICs etc that I would also take into account.

I get that you were only doing a simple illustration so please don’t think I’m pulling you up on this, I’m only saying it because you asked. The point I was making is that it’s not a valid argument, regardless of the maths.

Blimey. The nit picking continues.

OP I'd go elsewhere for advice on this one and I still wish you all the best.

That's a good point. Why are they paying themselves salaries if it's making a loss?

That lack of business sense could explain why they haven't made any profit in 3.5 years.

I'm with your husband frankly. You're gone all weekend which means all the weekend family stuff is on him. Ye need to pay a cleaner despite you being at home 5 days.
I think you're taking the piss as well.

You should have said that originally, I've changed my vote to YANBU. He doesn't like you not being available every weekend, five months of the year, that's understandable. If you worked midweek would he help to run the household? Would you actually be doing anything as a family?

Yes it seems as if everyone is furious having been triggered because someone has a job that they enjoy 🤷🏼‍♀️

The OP states in the first post there has been no profit in 3.5 years.

What do you think that means??

D’oh!

It’s breaking even after £36k being paid out as salaries…….

Yes, I was wondering what the other two partners home situations are too.
I was also wondering what business this is which requires three people for two days work at week, seasonally.
I thought ice cream too!! I’d love that, although I’d eat all the profits and be the size of a house