DH has become totally unsupportive of my career / business

[SparklyGreenKoala]

I have been a SAHM for a while and with my youngest a few years into primary school, I decided to start my a business with a friend.
It’s a business where the bulk of the work will need to be done during the weekends, so I am out most of Saturday and Sunday but this also means I am completely present the other 5 days.

At first, my husband was very supportive but he has become increasingly dismissive and patronising, because the business hasn’t yet turned a profit. It’s only been going for 3.5 years and it will take time to become established and profitable; He thinks it’s a waste of time and that I should do something else, but I love what I do. I get so much satisfaction from my work, I couldn’t imagine doing something else.

However, his main gripe is he doesn’t have the weekends free to himself and he is carrying more of the burden than me. I have tried to ignore this but he just becomes very shouty, accusing me of having a jolly whilst he has to deal a job he hates.

I accept, it’s not going to be easy, and I have arranged a cleaner to come on Friday afternoons, so there is no house work for him to do on Saturday mornings. However, the complaining hasn’t stopped and he has started to involve the wider family.

Am inbeing reasonable in asking him to support me.

I would be incandescent if my partner disappeared every weekend day from April to October, leaving me to manage the kids on my own after working full time all week. They're no way I'd have allowed it to continue for 3.5 years. Your DH has the patience of a saint (if this isn't a reverse). And I'd feel the same even if he also had a full time job Mon-Fri, never mind him getting five child free 'days off ' while I'm at work.

How on earth can you see him as not being supportive, when he's been shouldering the burden and missing out on family time (and presumably family summer holidays) all this time?

3.5 years with no profit doesn't indicate a viable business to me. I can see why he's being less than supportive to be honest.

I too assumed it was breaking even after salaries had been paid and the owners were choosing to take their money out that way. Obviously not making a profit is a problem in other ways (eg being able to build up reserves or invest in the business).

I voted YABU

3.5 years in is plenty time to start turning a profit. You are asking him to give up his entire weekend every week so you can pursue a hobby for 2 days out of 7.

But – what are you doing during the week while kids are at school?

Don’t understand this bit.

Also, are you doing all the childcare in the evenings during the week? You should be

I’m with your husband though . No family weekends, and you have the week free?

Not at all.

It's about her being away every weekend for six months straight, leaving her husband to work full-time during the and solo parent every weekend, while she has five days a week to herself and hires a cleaner to do the housework.

It's the imbalance that's unfair, not the job itself.

Has it paid you £12k each a year for all of the 3.5 years? Or has it only got to that more recently?

Time to get a proper job.

So it’s inflatables or similar or wedding based and you are paying off equipment loans.

Issue is the working days - any scope to do take a weekend off on rota with the others? Hire an additional staff member.

Is it making money or not? Your posts contradict each other

In the initial post you say it doesn’t make a profit, further down you say three of you take a £12k salary each plus you have repaid loans - therefore it definitely has made a profit

Either way spending every weekend through the summer away from the family without any prior discussion is ridiculous

If there are 3 of you, can you not alternate and have one weekend in 3 off so you all get a weekend free?

I think you are having a wonderful life on the back of your dh’s hard graft. Your point is that you love what you do so he should put up with it. Sadly, your attitude and shortsightedness is likely to end up in the demise of your marriage. You need to think about your priorities and what you want to save, because he would be mad to keep putting up with this.

No, THIS YEAR they’re not losing money. After, what, 5 weeks of trading? You cannot ascertain that you’re doing well as a business after only 1/6th of the year’s trading has completed.

They have two years’ of losses to recover before the business can be considered recovered.

It’s breaking even after ONE MONTH.

I worked weekends during lockdown as it was the only job I could get (wasn't entitled to the payments the government was giving). I did it from the start of the first one in 2020 until about 4/5 months or so after the end of the last one, so for about 18 months.

It took its toll. It was fine when we couldn't go anywhere anyway, but once everything was back to normal, it became unsustainable. We couldn't have a day off and do anything together unless one of us took annual leave.

I appreciate you are trying to start a business, but taking up every weekend between March and October for 3 years, for nothing to show for it? I think you husband has been totally reasonable up till now.

You need to work this out, maybe you try and free up one weekend a month. If this was a post complaining about a SAH husband doing the same thing then disappearing every week and leaving the FT wife to have the kids all weekend, it would be LTB and he's a cocklodger.

Is it wedding photography, OP? Or something else in the wedding industry?

I expect the salaries are counted as a business cost – there are no reserves of profit in the business after their PAYE wages have been paid.

So OP is getting a small income out if it but is not accruing profit.

I have arranged a cleaner to come on Friday afternoons, so there is no house work for him to do on Saturday mornings.

What DO you do during the week whilst the kids are at school, @SparklyGreenKoala ?

However, the complaining hasn’t stopped and he has started to involve the wider family

I’m not surprised! What would you do if he gets fed up and leaves you?

you say three of you take a £12k salary each plus you have repaid loans - therefore it definitely has made a profit

1. A profit is when there is money left over after all costs, including staff wages. Its the bit that rewards a business owner for coming up with an idea, investing their own money in it, the opportunity cost of them running this business instead of doing something else with the time. Op's "business" can pay her a basic salary as an employee (similar to how she can go and be employed in a supermarket earning minimum wage) but isn't bringing in any profit beyond that.

1. It may have brought in money to repay loans - but that doesn't mean its made profit! It means it borrowed money it didnt have at the start, presumably to buy equipment etc, and has paid back that money, but hasn't yet started to actually make profit.

Eg if i borrow 5,000 and buy a car, and spenr two years earning money as a taxi driver, i might spend whats left after fuel costs, insurance, cleaning, licensing etc, on repaying the car loan, and be left with nothing. I would be better off going to work as an employed driver on minimum wage at a company who would provide the vehicle.

Decent of you to book a cleaner when he's the one paying for it

I'm really sorry, but YABU. I can understand why he's feeling miserable. No family time at the weekends and no extra money to show for it.

I hope you can turn things around soon

I think a relevant point made earlier was that if this is a seasonal business that only happens at weekends then the chances of it ever making a mint are very limited. To scale up would add overheads, staff, all of that and the window for making profit is still going to be tight. The bottom line (no pun intended) seems to be that this is a passion project more than a money-making business, I'm thinking horses or sailing type activities, or possibly catering but that seems less likely as there are ways to make that pay all year round if that was the skillset. Regardless, it's not that anyone begrudges a woman enjoying her work, far from it! But unless the DH was loaded and happy for OP to be a lady of leisure with staff to pick up the slack, this set-up is inherently unfair.

If I worked mon-fri and then was left alone with the kids all weekend, I'd be annoyed too. Working every weekend is a lot.

Are you Mr Whippy OP?

The only way I'd agree to this would be if there was big money to be made in the future. Big. Otherwise, fully team husband. You've played a blinder here! Until he leaves you.

Profit is what's left after costs and expenses are taken from revenue.

Salaries are costs. Therefore, the OPs business might be turning over eg, £60k in revenue, of which 3 x £12k goes to pay salaries, some goes to Employers National insurance costs, some goes to pensions, some goes to insurance, equipment etc.

Anything left over becomes profit.

YABU

fir the last 3.5 years your business has not made a profit. Realistically, is it ever going to make a decent profit (not just your wishful thinking)? If not, it’s a hobby and not a job. If it’s a hobby, it doesn’t come before your family- whether that be their financial stability or your relationship with your husband or at the expense of his happiness

As things stand, the vast majority (of not all) of your household income is earned by him and he effectively works full time 7 days a week- 5 days during the week in a job you say he dislikes and then has to care of the children all weekend, by himself. When is his downtime? You have all week as your children are at school - that is a lot of free time. I fail to see why you need a cleaner, tbh- why can’t you do it during the week? What are you doing with your time during the week if your husband is still having to do housework (other than basics like washing dishes- which having a cleaner on Fridays would not change)?

Why are you not doing something part-time to contribute financially?

in his place I would be fuming. I don’t think I would tolerate this- even if your business did make a profit. I think he’s being treated unfairly by having to do all weekends on top of full time working and you don’t even appear to be pulling your weight with the household chores if you are now paying a cleaner to save him from having to do the chores.

OP if you're having 12k/year salary, equals 1k a month. 52 weeks a year ×2 days= 104 days a year. 12k÷104 days= 115£/day. I think you're doing great with your business. Especially if the business is only seasonal.

If you'll have a weekend job, would you earn more money? I think your husband problem is that you don't bring same money home as he does. But, you can't bring home the same amount as he does if you work 2 days a week and he's working 5 days a week.

I think you need to point it out to him, maybe he will change his mind about your business. Also, only because he's working in a job he hates, it doesn't mean you should do the same.