To think husband is being unreasonable? a bra is not taboo/inappropriate

[brabrablacksheep]

I get dressed in the bathroom each morning after a shower. The night before I lay my clothes out on the radiator in the bathroom, including my bra so that they are warm when the heating comes on after I get out of the shower.

My husband had removed my bra this morning when he got up before me and put it in our room. When I asked why he said it was inappropriate because teen stepchild in the house so not right to leave it "lying around"...

Am I unreasonable to think this is really ridiculous? It's just a piece of clothing that 99% of women wear every day. It's not sexual it's a bloody bra. Not like I left a flipping vibrator lying around the bathroom?!

Genuine questions - did your daughter leave her bras lying around for her stepfather to see? And if she had felt awkward at him seeing them, would you still think she was a snowflake and tell her there is nothing sexual about bras so just let her stepfather see them?

DeeCeeCherry
they dont want to see Mum/SM underwear around and No, it doesnt make them weird. Theyre allowed to not be into that. This thread is off key, so many goading OP to leave bras & sani's out for him to see. Why would you do that, unless you're a bit of a creep? Which is what a man would be labelled if he left his undies out daily and his SD didnt much like it, so he came here to make a Post to gain support.

Iaskedyouthrice
This is really manipulative and a really common answer from a certain kind of person
Now, you know as well as I do that nobody male, female, fairy or goblin would think twice about a man leaving hisunderwear lying around. Do you want to answer why that is? Mmm?
There is a certain type of person that cannot bear the thought of a male feeling uncomfortable in any way, shape or form. So what they expect is for the females around them to make themselves as invisible and small as possible
What did you mean by 'they are allowed to not be into that'? Who cares about what they are 'into'?
'Into' in what way?
Yet other posters are creepy? Alright then

I couldnt give a shit if its male or female underwear, if a youngster in the house doesnt want to see your knickers lying around then yeah, it's weird to insist. & they have a right to their feelings. They're not as old as you so they're not going to think like you and why should they. All that talk about show him sani's as well, how did it get from stepmum's bra, to that?

It's not a case of having to hide your underwear but why forever on display in the house? If thats your thing do you. But even without the rest of it - you're untidy.

If you wear Ann Summers on a daily basis then good for you, but they are uncomfortable and impractical and not what the majority wear under work clothes.

You are being very messy, OP. I wouldn't have this in my house (clothes strewn on radiator in bathroom). They only need to be warmed for the 5 mins you're in the shower, not 12 hours! Bring them in with you in the morning, you lazy, messy thing!

Completely agree.

I don't think anyone should be leaving clothing in a bathroom overnight. Or leaving it on the floor for others to pick up.

Regardless of what it is. I'd have some sympathy for the OPs DH if that was his reasoning.

100% agree with this.

Funnily enough, I did indeed have a stepfather growing up and yes, his underwear was on the radiators with our unmentionables and other clothes too.

None of us died by looking at them.

It does seem a very precious sentiment and I would not be removing my bra from all visible radiators - or clothes horses, washing lines etc - to appease visitors to the home.

A large part of that is because I'm also human and liable to forget sometimes to take them off if a precious someone is coming round.

PS - so what if it's awkward? Or weird? Does one die from that? Or does one get past puberty and realise what a silly emotion that is to feel about a piece of clothing?

I didn't say it was a big deal or that one would "die from it" 🙄

I'm just trying to say that it's normal for teenagers not to want to see their step-parents underwear lying around the house. That doesn't mean OP should stop or needs to change her behaviour if she doesn't want to, just that I totally understand why a teenage boy wouldn't want to see his stepmothers' bra 🤷‍♀️

But of course because this thread is about a man making a request of a woman, you can't empathise with that feeling of embarrassment without being bashed.

What everyone seems to have missed is that it doesn't appear to even be a request from the step son.

The DH has removed it because HE thinks it's not appropriate because there is a teen boy. The DH needs to get over his own repressed anxiety over women's underwear! I bet the teen hasn't given it a second thought.

I agree. I think it's a fair enough request. It's not hard. If it helps the teenage boy/step mother relationship there's no harm

I have a load of washing on and will think of this thread when l hang my bras and knix on the line in about half hour or so. Obviously, if any male visitors pop round, the sight on the line will scar them for life. Especially if any are children. And there is a risk of endangering next door too. Although a lot of the same can be seen when you walk through M&S. And yes, some of the others do come from Ann Summers, they do produce lots of regular stuff without stratigicly placed openings.

I think by removing underwear from the laundry/view, you are more likely to fetishise it. It's saying that it's taboo.

For what it's worth I wouldn't leave my bra and knickers out in front of my DS. Perhaps it's ingrained sexism but it just feels private.

What about when you wash them?

Same. I don't think it's sexism so much as nobody needs to see someone else's underwear on display, lol.

And before someone leaps at me - of course it won't scar them for life or cause some major issue beyond a bit of embarrassment, but if I could avoid it then I would.

@starlight when I wash my underwear it goes on the line along with the rest of the wash. There's nothing taboo about my underwear. But equally, I prefer not taking display it if I can avoid doing so. In the OP's situation, I'd probably put my underwear on the radiator but drape something - my top or trousers/skirt - over it. Just feels instinctive that do so. It's me undies 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh dear, full of typos, sorry. HOW do I edit a post please?

I wonder if men are ever asked to hide their boxers away in case their step daughter sees them.

Why is your heating still coming on anyway? It’s May.

I mean, I wouldn't have wanted to see my step-dad's underpants at that age 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn't have ever had the guts myself to ask him to put them away, but if my mum took it upon herself to say something I would probably have been secretly quite grateful.

Crikey. Talk about a storm in a D-cup.

I really can't understand the in depth analysing of something so inconsequential. Most families have 101 more important issues to deal with and I am struck by the fact that a tiny bit of a routine that a woman is comfortable with and shouldn't merit a second thought has been turned into bra-gate.

But what it says to me, if we want to over analyse as an exercise, is that it's a power play situation, using the OPs sexuality as leverage as men have done for eons. The threat of the woman and those pesky mammaries that nourish and nurture in a way that men can't and are threatened by and jealous of apparently because it's a reminder that without women, men would literally not exist. Frued has alit to answer for.

Has the SS expressed discomfort? Or is the DH harbouring some deep rooted fears and insecurity based on his own experiences? Would the SS be mortified if he knew his DF was worried about his potential for "deviance" ? We could pick this all apart till the cows come home, but frankly, I think we've all got better things to do.

OP, I'm with you, it's ridiculous and petty and the fact that your SS leaves his grubby kecks around with nary a thought for your sensibilities (and with the assumed presumption that you will deal with them) makes it even worse.

Cause it can still get bloody chilly in Scotland - and elsewhere - in May, would you believe. 🙄 I have Raynaud's, and had my fingers turning the familiar yellow the other evening, before I turned the heating up.

I wouldn’t want to have either, yet my mum never expected him to hide them or not hang them out after doing a wash. That’s the part I’m curious about, adult women enforcing men hiding their underwear for the sake of their daughters.

Well, I do think people would be much more sympathetic if it was a daughter feeling awkward or embarrassed.

I guess I just don't see the drama. OP can still hang her clothes up to "warm" without having her bra on display in the family bathroom. It's just not necessary.

Maybe, maybe not.

But I'm assuming that if that came up, women on here wouldn't be jokingly suggest the man walk around the house naked to prove a point (which has been said to op on this thread).