To think husband is being unreasonable? a bra is not taboo/inappropriate

[brabrablacksheep]

I get dressed in the bathroom each morning after a shower. The night before I lay my clothes out on the radiator in the bathroom, including my bra so that they are warm when the heating comes on after I get out of the shower.

My husband had removed my bra this morning when he got up before me and put it in our room. When I asked why he said it was inappropriate because teen stepchild in the house so not right to leave it "lying around"...

Am I unreasonable to think this is really ridiculous? It's just a piece of clothing that 99% of women wear every day. It's not sexual it's a bloody bra. Not like I left a flipping vibrator lying around the bathroom?!

I can't think of a time when I've put a bra on and it felt cold ...not even in depths of winter from the draw 🤨 not the point of the orig post but still

It just seems a bit grot leaving them in a shared bathroom - hopefully toilet seat is always down when flushed 🤢.

Do you have a radiator you could use in your bedroom ? Personally if I was using a bathroom and someone's Grundiies were hanging all over I would feel like I was in their personal space. The bathroom should be a neutral space unless you live alone.

How does he cope when you put the washing on the line to dry? Does he have to be protected from the underwear department in M&S? How does he cope on a beach? Assuming it's not an Ann Summers nipple revealing bra he should be told by his dad that there's nothing to be embarrassed about.
I think it's quite unhealthy to hide normal things away from young boys. It makes it seem like something sordid or shameful.

This is public bathroom for all family. Underwear is private. Keep it that way. Boundaries are important. It’s good for respect all round.

If underwear is so private then should there be a secret lingerie section of M&S under lock and key to avoid offending any overly sensitive and sheltered teenage boys?

I do feel it's different with a stepson

Can't you just put your bra on your own radiator in the bedroom? It's all a bit ridiculous. I agree with your DH.

Reminds me of the Father Ted scene where all the priests "accidentally" get lost in the world's biggest lingerie department and start panicking 😂

Exactly this. I can't for the life of me think why so many pps are equating it to laundry hanging to dry - that's a completely different situation. Of course everyone's clothes, underwear and all, need to be hung up to dry, if like us, you live in a frequently damp climate and don't have a tumble dryer, so clothes go on pulleys and airers, spaces designed for drying washing. I just don't get the "need" to take over the communal bathroom with ones own clothes from the night before. As I've said before, that's what would rankle with me.

The number of posters who are either incapable or unwilling to consider context is bewildering.

Seeing your stepmum's underwear in the bathroom is not the same as seeing a bra in a shop etc etc, just as seeing a pack of condoms in Boots is not the same as seeing a used one in your parent's bedroom.

That would frustrate me, especially as it is a standard bra. I am sure most comments on here would change if a man left his underwear on the radiator.

I’ve never recovered from the trauma of witnessing my Dad’s carelessly strewn novelty orange Y-fronts in the 70s.

Someone has to lead the way towards normalizing what is normal. Your husband might be thinking about his own teenagehood and how he, as a teenage boy might be titillated by a bra and thus assuming his son will be too. All the taboo around undergarments needs to go away. They are just that, undergarments and if we stop treating them as perversions then maybe, just maybe, society will lessen one more bothersome thing. There was a time when seeing a women's ankles was titillating. In some cultures, women are considered to be trying to arouse men if they wear certain types of garments.
Off subject: I would never, in one thousand years on earth, pick up the dirty laundry of someone else except for a young child under age 6. That this child leaves his dirty clothes on the bathroom floor is indicative of a type of parenting that teaches him he has free maid service regardless of whose providing it. He will consider any future partner to be free maid service as well. Do everyone in the family a favor and set some ground rules about laundry. Also, all teenagers are capable of doing their own laundry unless they have a disability that keeps them from being able to load, unload, dry and put away. Their doing their own laundry helps them be more mindful of how they treat their clothing. It is one of those life lessons to impart on our children. While I am going to get flack for this, my teens did their own and treated their clothes less and wanted to purchase less because they didn't want to manage laundry. We had a rule in the family that any clothing left on floors, regardless of parent or child (over 6), was confiscated and put in the charity box. It only took a few losses to get everyone on board. Now both adult children help their partners with laundry and teach their children to put soiled clothing where it belongs. When they are 11 they will be doing their own laundry. This discipline led to the children being capable of organizing both thoughts and possessions and being able to organize their time more effectively. It also led to a more happy peaceful home because no one was frustrated with the extra burden of so much laundry or resentment of picking up after clothing discarded with little regard for others or appreciation of what it takes to earn money to purchase it and then the time and money to care for it. It's a bra. Ask your husband if he views it as potentially arousing this teen- your husband may need to deal with his own thoughts about that rather than assuming all boys in this day and age are aroused by bras.

Exactly this! The next train to Victorian times (when there was lots of double standards) will leave from Platform 1.

There really is no difference between a clean bra on a radiator and a clean bra on the line.

My sister’s husband was the only boy in a house with 3 sisters. He must have been well corrupted by the judgey shouts on this thread.

Still couldn't be arsed, they're a pair of fecking pants not a butt plug or Rabbit

Precisely!

And a lot of people seem to be purposefully ignoring that the stepmum/son relationship is not the same as that between a biological parent and child.

I'm not sure what would be so difficult about OP leaving her stuff in her room until she goes to have her shower. I mean, when I was growing up nobody was allowed to just leave their stuff dumped in a communal space like that anyway. I always thought that was normal but apparently not!

It's a communal bathroom, and you don't need to leave your clothes in there overnight so yabu.

The whole point people are making is that women’s underwear, no matter who owns it should not be a taboo subject or sexualised to the point that a teenage boy finds it hard to look at. It is learned behaviour and frankly as a parent I would be absolutely ashamed if any child of mine grew up to have that sort of attitude.

But this isn't a child of hers! Presumably she'd be less worried if he was.

Nobody is implying that the boy in question is a child of OPs?

I do think it is different when it is your own children. I think my son was a little bit embarrassed handling my underwear in the laundry when he was between 12 to 16 say. However, I was keen to normalise it as just clothing so we all just got on with it.

I did however, make sure I did not have underwear hanging out when my son’s teen friends come over. I did not want him to have to deal with the dynamic of them being silly over it.

Now he is at university and when he comes back to do the laundry, he’s always complaining that mine and his sister’s pants are really annoying to hang up as they fall off the heated dryer. But thankfully the embarrassment has gone.

I do think it is different with a stepson although I have no personal experience. I have to say, despite my openness with my son, I would take my stepson’s feelings into consideration. If he felt very embarrassed, I would think twice about leaving my bra out. I’m generally pretty considerate , and if my stepson was feeling very uncomfortable and his father could not talk it through with him, I might rethink.

Ha ha he’s being an idiot. I have sons, one being 16. Bras do not weird him out . What a plank.

Had you never talked to your almost 17y old son about periods before?

I don’t know. I think everyone is different. Everyone has different comfort levels and boundaries. I believe in openness. But I also believe in respecting boundaries and being respectful of other’s sensibilities if possible. And I wouldn’t mock anyone for being a bit more uncomfortable.

The teen years are a period of self-consciousness and they don’t last forever. If a man was still behaving like this aged 26, I would however have concerns…

But the husband acting like that is why the boy might be embarrassed by it. I wouldn’t leave underwear lying around if we had guests but this kid is part of the family and it’s a piece of material!