To think husband is being unreasonable? a bra is not taboo/inappropriate

[brabrablacksheep]

I get dressed in the bathroom each morning after a shower. The night before I lay my clothes out on the radiator in the bathroom, including my bra so that they are warm when the heating comes on after I get out of the shower.

My husband had removed my bra this morning when he got up before me and put it in our room. When I asked why he said it was inappropriate because teen stepchild in the house so not right to leave it "lying around"...

Am I unreasonable to think this is really ridiculous? It's just a piece of clothing that 99% of women wear every day. It's not sexual it's a bloody bra. Not like I left a flipping vibrator lying around the bathroom?!

Someone else’s bra doesn’t make you self conscious…

I can fully understand why a teen may feel a bit odd about it.

And especially, a bra is just underwear but many teens would be a bit weirded out by seeing a family member's bra and pants laid out over the radiator.

Tbh I'd find it a bit odd if I went into the bathroom and my mum or dad's underwear was draped over the radiator for the next day. I'm a grown adult and totally get it is normal clothes but it would still feel a bit unusual imo.

If you want to have it warmed up, could you not just have your bra and pants in the radiator underneath your top? They'd still all warm up but just not be quite so visible.

An easily embarrassed teen might feel uncomfortable around his step mother’s underwear though. Whether that should be respected or ignored is the discussion point. I don’t think there is a right answer really.

He's not OP's biological family though, he's her step-son. It's simply not the same relationship no matter how much everyone is determined to believe it is.

A different example is that I wouldn't leave my underwear drying on the radiator if my BIL came to visit, but if it was my brother then it wouldn't occur to me to be bothered.

That doesn't mean OP needs to change her behaviour, just that the teenagers' embarrassment is understandable and not necessarily something he just needs to "suck up".

I wouldn’t leave underwear lying around if we had guests but this kid is part of the family and it’s a piece of material!

So if they're just a piece of material, @Rookangaroo4 why wouldn't you leave them lying around if you have guests?

Yeah exactly. You don't want the teenager lusting after his stepmum

Seeing underwear can very plausibly make someone think about the person when wearing it so it absolutely can be arousing and/or a sexual thing.

Any teenager lusting after their stepmum has far more serious issues to deal with than a simple bra lying around.

well he must see them if its a boy when they are out on the line or in washing baskets
2 questions why your bra why not object to your knickers as well assuming you put them out too
i do the same put my clothes out on radiator and don't you sometimes if not on purpose end up with something else on your bra For instance sometimes i put on the radiator what i have to hand then say get a top from the drier and pop on last

Please please please just give him a break. He’s just a kid. It’s a weird, overwhelming and awkward time for teenagers. He’ll grow out of it. What’s it gonna hurt to bring your undies in and put ‘em on the radiator later not overnight. You’re making such a big deal of it when you’re supposed to be the grown up here. It’s two seconds extra work! Have a heart.

Public safety warning. I have a day off today. It is sunny and l have bras and knickers of various colours and styles on the line. These can be seen by people walking on the side path if they bother to look hard enough and could cause extreme harm 😀. I hear that as a result people could end up with 3 eyes.

In the name of balance, l should point out that similar items in the same colours can also be seen by people walking through John Lewis and M&S😂.

So what you're saying is that your feelings about briefs on display is fine and understandable, but my feelings about your feelings are not? But you also can't fathom that that might be considered a "wasted emotion"? Or in other words, is something really pointless to have an opinion about??!

Ok cheers. That's good to know.

Let's pretend it isn't a bathroom, but the hallway, and random neighbours popping in. I would hang a coat or jumper on the stairs, but I wouldn't leave my bra out. The hall just isn't the same type of location as hanging out the laundry, it is a public space. To step son, the bathroom is also public, he expects to be able to use it.

I think there's a huge difference between underwear hanging out in a load of washing, and piling clothes up to take up a shared room. Where is anyone else supposed to warm THEIR boxers if OP took the space? Why should underwear be visible for others in a room they are dressing and undressing in; so highly likely to knock over and need to move around while undressed? With non family adults / teenagers, the inappropriateness all gets amplified.

The key differences being a bathroom isn’t public and the stepson isn’t a random neighbour, he is part of the family. Good try though.

Absolutely agree.....
I personally would not lay my undies out in the bathroom . Lol I wouldn't want my step son drying his hands in them after a big shit , you know what lads are like 😂they will grab the first thing.

It's fine if you are single but it is a shared space. If you were staying at a friend's house for the evening would you leave them in your friend's bathroom? On this one your husband has my vote.

This is the crux of the issue, right? You, OP and others think the bathroom is private but stepson gets to borrow it. This isn't OP's 3yo that she can get changed in front of, it is an unrelated young man. Some of us think a stepson isn't close enough to count it as a fully private space.

I wouldn't want to see my stepson's boxers draped around the house... Really not. So why not return that consideration?

The only person I've known with this habit, was my elderly MIL. I really hated brushing my teeth or having a bath, whilst staring at her "finery" displayed over a pine towel rail.

Maybe step son has said something to his dad, as you say you've been leaving clothes on radiator for a while or your husband would have said something before surely, I would continue but just put bra underneath other clothes,
How old is your stepson btw, I have 3 lads myself so they've got used to seeing my bras, in fact their Dad took eldest in 2 lingerie shops one year when he was 12-13 buying something for me for Xmas ,maybe thats what your husband Should do lol

"snowflake behaviour" because people don't want to see your kecks??

I've heard it all now.

I think with the unfortunate popularity of step family porn this issue has probably got even more awkward for teenagers.

Keep your drawers in a drawer and not in a communal space. It's not that difficult.

Feeling offended by your stepmum’s bra is snowflake behaviour and I will happily stand by that. Typical male over-sexualising a perfectly normal piece of clothing

@OverpricedTea It hadn't really come up before as he lives with his dad the majority. He's known "the basics" re periods for ages, but have never felt the need to talk about it in detail to him, tbh.

That brings me back to when I was growing up my grandmother lived with us, and would boil wash her hankies etc and have her long John's draped in bathroom or kitchen 🤣 bless her