To think husband is being unreasonable? a bra is not taboo/inappropriate

[brabrablacksheep]

I get dressed in the bathroom each morning after a shower. The night before I lay my clothes out on the radiator in the bathroom, including my bra so that they are warm when the heating comes on after I get out of the shower.

My husband had removed my bra this morning when he got up before me and put it in our room. When I asked why he said it was inappropriate because teen stepchild in the house so not right to leave it "lying around"...

Am I unreasonable to think this is really ridiculous? It's just a piece of clothing that 99% of women wear every day. It's not sexual it's a bloody bra. Not like I left a flipping vibrator lying around the bathroom?!

When putting laundry away your children have never had the absolute horror of seeing underwear being piled up to be put away? Shielding children from seeing underwear is just going to make them think there's something wierd or sexual about it. Teach them from young that it's just clothing and there's no problem. Nothing ick about clothes.

I asked you how you believe people without the space for tumble dryers do it?

Because I live in a bungalow - ordinary dryers take up too much space. We certainly can't afford a tumble dryer and don't have space for one.

It's not that bizarre - what is bizarre is asking a woman to hide her underwear in her own home when a teenage boy is actually old enough to realise that women generally need to wear them so yes, on occasion he will likely see one floating about.

Well, clearly I’m the odd one out on MN but I’d personally find it a bit awkward if I walked into someone’s house and their pants were drying right at my eye level while I was on the toilet 🤷‍♀️

The teenager isn’t related to OP and probably doesn’t want to see her bra and knickers every time he goes to the bathroom - I really don’t think that’s as weird as everyone on this thread is trying to make it seem.

I also never used the word inappropriate.

Behave - the wink should have alerted you to the fact that this is clearly a joke.

I really CBA to go round and round in circles about this.

You asked a question, I answered and the. I was told it was some kind of weird class issue 🤷‍♀️

I'm always shocked when I go into peoples houses and they have underwear drying on all the radiators

Then you are very easily shocked

What was the point of this sentence then:

It's not like they're blood related - it's a whole different relationship.

If you don't think it's inappropriate?

And so what if you might feel awkward if someone was drying their underwear in their bathroom when you used it? It's not gonna kill you. It's not gonna do anything? And I'd hazard a guess that a stepson who lives with this woman at least part of the time is going to have a closer relationship with her that you with a random person's home.

It takes a strange mind as well to be more embarrassed about a clean bra on a radiator than a dirty pair of pants left on the floor to be picked up. I guess that's being a teen for you.

@fieldsofbutterflies and if he doesn't want to see it, I'll post what I said upthread again:

*If a teenage boy is embarrassed at seeing a bra not currently worn by anyone then fine. He can be embarrassed.

It's completely irrational and he will grow up and realise that - unless the adults in his life pander to this and hide the offending clothing from his sensitive eyes.*

Basically - so what? Grow up it's a piece of clothing.

I had a baby with my second husband when my eldest son was 13 and he thought THAT was disgusting!! Also a home birth! 🤣
I talk about stuff with my sons openly and I think that's a positive thing. The other day I'd emptied my handbag out as I couldn't find my keys and that lead to discussion about periods as my almost 17 yo saw my tampons across the kitchen table!
He instigated the conversation and I was dead proud of him when he asked: "Mum...do periods hurt? Because a girl in my sixth form said she's not been well with cramps and I just wondered about when I get a girlfriend if there would be anything I could do to help." Love him ❤️

...because people of certain income levels are going to do things differently? A lot of that would be down to space and finances. Before tonight, I had NEVER heard of a dry buddy. Good grief they are rather ugly.

When I was growing up, I saw all manner of things in friend's homes - things that would put hairs on your chest.

Bras on radiators or , heavens forbid- UNDERWEAR - was the very least unsettling thing to be seen.

I'll end my bit here. Girls and women are taught and conditioned to be uncomfortable at many levels. Teen boys should not be indulged in their "discomfort" of seeing a bra on a radiator.

I grew up as the third of 4 siblings. Two girls, two boys. No idea how my brothers coped with all those bras making their rounds around the house radiators, the poor things.

Probably deserve a medal for valour.

Oh believe me I've never had a step son and no laughingly no my sons have never seen my undies as sexy . do be serious they are grown adults ,men .

@CutthroatDruTheViolent my point was that the relationships between step parents and step children are often a bit awkward and seeing your step-mums underwear lying around the house might just feel weird.

I never said once that it was inappropriate - I said it was awkward - so I don't really appreciate you putting words in my mouth.

they dont want to see Mum/SM underwear around and No, it doesnt make them weird. Theyre allowed to not be into that. This thread is off key, so many goading OP to leave bras & sani's out for him to see. Why would you do that, unless you're a bit of a creep? Which is what a man would be labelled if he left his undies out daily and his SD didnt much like it, so he came here to make a Post to gain support.

This is really manipulative and a really common answer from a certain kind of person.
Now, you know as well as I do that nobody male, female, fairy or goblin would think twice about a man leaving his underwear lying around. Do you want to answer why that is? Mmm?
There is a certain type of person that cannot bear the thought of a male feeling uncomfortable in any way, shape or form. So what they expect is for the females around them to make themselves as invisible and small as possible.
What did you mean by 'they are allowed to not be into that'? Who cares about what they are 'into'?
'Into' in what way?

Yet other posters are creepy? Alright then.

Well pardon me your highness - but your 'awkward' comment came in a separate comment, after that bit I quoted.

And I asked for clarification as you didn't like the word 'inappropriate'. Not sure why that's touched such a nerve with you, but I'm not sure why other's posts have either.

PS - so what if it's awkward? Or weird? Does one die from that? Or does one get past puberty and realise what a silly emotion that is to feel about a piece of clothing?

I think it’s good to normalise female underwear to teenage boys. YANBU. Does he also make you hide sanitary products?

It’s a bra. Who gives a shit. Your husband needs to grow up.

@TempestTost

Some kids have a very strong sense of personal privacy and I don't think that's wrong as such.

Thanks for saying this. I’ve always been like this - I’m very private about my body and my sex life, and I’m uncomfortable knowing things like that about other people.* Don’t want to know who wears boxers or briefs, who’s got a yeast infection, who’s circumcised or uncircumcised, who does what about their public hair, who likes what sexual position, who has sex last night…just not my business.

*In real life, not on places like Mumsnet where everyone is a username and not someone I actually know.

I wouldn't do it and I make sure nothing like that is lying around of visitors come or workmen.

I wouldn't be entirely sure about the not wanking ... but that isn't OP's problem.

Literally one of your examples is comparable to a bra being left out. Come on now. You might not like seeing your friend's husband's briefs hanging over the bannister, but other than "not liking it" I'm sure as a grown adult you recognise that's a wasted emotion and that it doesn't mean anything at all that they're there?

I’m a bisexual woman and I have that reaction to women in thong bikinis and/or swimsuit tops with lots of cleavage. Like, many of us breast-attracted people would be fine not thinking of certain women in a sexual way, but…Jesus Christ, you’re showing us nearly all of your boobs and basically all your bum except your anus. What do you expect us to think of?!

What’s a “wasted emotion”? Emotions tell us about ourselves and what we’re feeling, and I don’t think that’s ever wasted.

People have different levels of privacy about things involving underwear or body parts. I’m not going into other people’s homes and castigating them for having underwear lying around, so I don’t know why my feelings about it bother you.

I think part of this is a cultural difference. In the UK, there are more clotheslines because about half of people have access to dryers. I’m in the US, where 80-something-percent of people have access to dryers, and I don’t know anyone who leaves underwear lying/hanging around to dry.

That some people consider underwear to be private? Private isn’t dirty or shameful, it’s just private.

I’m sure there are teenage girls who don’t like seeing their stepfathers’ underwear lying around. Should they just get over it and sit with their feelings because it won’t hurt them? Or should we have some consideration for where they’re coming from?

How and why on earth would a pair of underwear lying around be offensive? My teen DD has somehow gotten through her life without me ever feeling the need to hide her stepdad’s underwear, or mine for that matter! None of us could care less whose laundry is sitting around the house. There is absolutely nothing sexual about a pair of pants or a bra lying around, to be frank it is quite alarming to see the amount of posters who there is. Snowflake behaviour at its finest

Given that you have all your other clothes there warming ready to put on, I’d just point out to dp that it’s probably better that all your clothes are warming together than having one of the first things that you need to put on somewhere separate so that you need to be running between rooms with very little on.

or maybe he’s just jealous that your clothes have got a good warming spot and he wants out to put his own clothes on it?!