Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think husband is being unreasonable? a bra is not taboo/inappropriate

322 replies

brabrablacksheep · 04/05/2024 16:21

I get dressed in the bathroom each morning after a shower. The night before I lay my clothes out on the radiator in the bathroom, including my bra so that they are warm when the heating comes on after I get out of the shower.

My husband had removed my bra this morning when he got up before me and put it in our room. When I asked why he said it was inappropriate because teen stepchild in the house so not right to leave it "lying around"...

Am I unreasonable to think this is really ridiculous? It's just a piece of clothing that 99% of women wear every day. It's not sexual it's a bloody bra. Not like I left a flipping vibrator lying around the bathroom?!

OP posts:
bluetopazlove · 04/05/2024 17:44

Oh I suppose I have been really irresponsible, I had a six year old son pick up a pair of knickers out of a shopping trolley and wave them around at the till .
I also found my son wearing a bra once as an ear warmer . He thought it was funny at the time...My bad .

Pickingmyselfup · 04/05/2024 17:49

I lived with my husband's parents briefly and his mum used to set out her clothes in the bathroom/bannister for the next day. I'm not a man but I can cope with seeing other people's underwear, I wear it, everyone wears it.

As a teenager I used to hang up my parents underwear and now I also see my husband's and kids underwear (both boys)

I would keep it hanging up if that's what you prefer, surely the SS isn't a guest, he lives there when it's his time and if he can't cope with the sight of your very normal underwear he's in for a very rough life.

Catza · 04/05/2024 17:56

welshycake · 04/05/2024 16:28

A straight stepson? I think its right to help prevent any weird feelings he may have about breasts.

Show quote history

Surely the way to prevent weird feelings is to not make a big deal out of the fact that women have breasts and wear bras.

TheValueOfEverything · 04/05/2024 17:57

Why is a bra that contains boobs any different to boxers that contain a willy and balls? Why is it ok for men and boys to leave their boxers out but not for women and girls to leave their bra?

Madness. A warmed bra is lovely thing and not provocative or titillating at all. Boobs aren’t just there to be sexy! Stand your ground OP!

DeadbeatYoda · 04/05/2024 17:58

Absolutely ridiculous. The only reason stupid ideas like this still exist is because women haven't put their foot down sooner with dick head men like your husband. It's a bra, for heaven's sake. They sell them in supermarkets.
Why should we hide such things, why should we let men shame us for being women and having breasts. Fuck 'em all!

C1N1C · 04/05/2024 18:00

I don't see the big deal, but if he's weirded out and he thinks son will be too, is it really a problem to keep them more discretely?

crockofshite · 04/05/2024 18:07

brabrablacksheep · 04/05/2024 16:27

Yes it's a stepson... who is never too embarrassed not to leave his dirty underwear on the bathroom floor after a shower for someone else to move!

Regardless though, it's a perfectly normal piece of clothing. Why make it seem embarrassing/ taboo. It's literally just a bra...

Make a deal.

Stepson takes care of his own dirty pants so nobody else has to look at or deal with them .... and you'll hide your bra under something else on the radiator.

Win win 😁

Fizbosshoes · 04/05/2024 18:20

But honestly I don’t want to be brushing my teeth etc right next to a pile of someone else’s clothes on the bathroom radiator, bra or not.

I genuinely can't understand how clean clothes on a radiator could cause any offence or have an impact on someone brushing their teeth? Confused

MILhere · 04/05/2024 18:30

Surely the way to prevent weird feelings is to not make a big deal out of the fact that women have breasts and wear bras.

I personally don't get it, but simply moving the bra out of public view isn't making a spectacle.

Pogointospring · 04/05/2024 18:30

Fizbosshoes · 04/05/2024 18:20

But honestly I don’t want to be brushing my teeth etc right next to a pile of someone else’s clothes on the bathroom radiator, bra or not.

I genuinely can't understand how clean clothes on a radiator could cause any offence or have an impact on someone brushing their teeth? Confused

There’s no concrete logical reason as such and I’d not be offended. It just feels like someone “claiming” the space and that I’d be intruding. In my mind it’s akin to if my in-laws are staying over - I don’t want my FIL’s pants warming on my radiator in my line of vision, I can understand DSS not wanting to look at his step mother’s underwear while he’s just trying to use a shared space.

(And yes, my sanitary items, toothbrushes etc all live in the cabinet or the drawers and are not out on display either.)

fieldsofbutterflies · 04/05/2024 18:33

I don't think you should be leaving your clothes in the communal bathroom overnight. Just bring them in with you when you come for your shower and hang them up then if you really need.

MILTOBE · 04/05/2024 18:38

I don't think I'd leave my underwear there, OP. I think your husband's being reasonable.

Dollenganger333 · 04/05/2024 18:39

Yes it is ridiculous. He's an arse.

fieldsofbutterflies · 04/05/2024 18:45

Fizbosshoes · 04/05/2024 18:20

But honestly I don’t want to be brushing my teeth etc right next to a pile of someone else’s clothes on the bathroom radiator, bra or not.

I genuinely can't understand how clean clothes on a radiator could cause any offence or have an impact on someone brushing their teeth? Confused

It's not offensive but it's also not necessary to take over the communal space with your underwear either.

TuesdayWhistler · 04/05/2024 18:45

Is he worried about the teen boy getting aroused?

If he's moving a bra, would he move tights?
They might arouse a teen boy.

Heels? Definitely..
Knee high boots? There's a fetish in the making..
Mini skirts?
White blouses that could be mistaken for a school girl outfit?
Littlewoods catalogues?

Let's face it, some teen boys get aroused by cartoon rabbits...

Censoring the world isn't going to help them grow up to be a part of it.

But then maybe OH has been watching too much Son and step mum Porn.

GinaGeorgina · 04/05/2024 18:53

I have 2 sons, they have 2 mums, our bras are constantly on display somewhere on washing lines or drying on heaters. They have never even mentioned them. How is this even a conversation

Busywithsomething · 04/05/2024 19:05

Does he want all underwear to be out of view? Don't know how you can tell him but he' s living in the past

Woohow · 04/05/2024 19:11

Does he want you to be braless all the time when dss is in the house, or does he just want you to walk topless from the bathroom to the bedroom after your shower each time? Seems more inappropriate to me.

tigger1001 · 04/05/2024 19:12

fieldsofbutterflies · 04/05/2024 18:33

I don't think you should be leaving your clothes in the communal bathroom overnight. Just bring them in with you when you come for your shower and hang them up then if you really need.

I agree with this too.

If everyone left piles of their clean clothes for the next day in the bathroom it would be fairly cluttered. Just leave the clothes in your room until the morning

eatdrinkandbemerry · 04/05/2024 19:12

I'm female so obviously wear bras and stuff but I wouldn't want to see other people's in the bathroom.
I'm always shocked when I go into peoples houses and they have underwear drying on all the radiators

tigger1001 · 04/05/2024 19:14

Woohow · 04/05/2024 19:11

Does he want you to be braless all the time when dss is in the house, or does he just want you to walk topless from the bathroom to the bedroom after your shower each time? Seems more inappropriate to me.

Because that's the only two options....

I've never got dressed in my bathroom, I do walk from the bathroom into my bedroom after my shower, and yet manage not to show my boobs. I am either wrapped in a towel or have my dressing gown on. Then get fully dried and dressed in my own room.

frogswimming · 04/05/2024 19:15

What? Where are you supposed to hang underwear to dry , if not a common area? Washing lines and clothes horses are usually in common areas. He needs to grow up and stop being so squeamish.

HollyKnight · 04/05/2024 19:18

It's just a piece of clothing to you, but to a teenage boy it represents boobs. Teenage boys LOVE boobs. If you know anything about hormonal teen boys, you wouldn't leave your underwear lying around where they have access to it.

Sapphire387 · 04/05/2024 19:18

I wouldn't have an issue particularly with the bra, but... It's just weird and cluttered and a bit unnecessary to leave your clothes there all night.

welshycake · 04/05/2024 19:19

HollyKnight · 04/05/2024 19:18

It's just a piece of clothing to you, but to a teenage boy it represents boobs. Teenage boys LOVE boobs. If you know anything about hormonal teen boys, you wouldn't leave your underwear lying around where they have access to it.

Exactly. Non related female person's boobs