Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think husband is being unreasonable? a bra is not taboo/inappropriate

322 replies

brabrablacksheep · 04/05/2024 16:21

I get dressed in the bathroom each morning after a shower. The night before I lay my clothes out on the radiator in the bathroom, including my bra so that they are warm when the heating comes on after I get out of the shower.

My husband had removed my bra this morning when he got up before me and put it in our room. When I asked why he said it was inappropriate because teen stepchild in the house so not right to leave it "lying around"...

Am I unreasonable to think this is really ridiculous? It's just a piece of clothing that 99% of women wear every day. It's not sexual it's a bloody bra. Not like I left a flipping vibrator lying around the bathroom?!

OP posts:
TempestTost · 04/05/2024 22:03

brabrablacksheep · 04/05/2024 16:28

It's just underwear. Because some men/boys find them sexual doesn't mean us women should have to pretend we don't own and wear them everyday as part of normal life surely?

Show quote history

You could say this about boobs. Just normal body parts, just because boys find them sexual doesn't mean they need to be hidden.

Bras are a highly sexualised bit of clothing in our society, and run of the mill ones aren't exempt.

It's a bit precious, but tbh, if he really found it embarrassing, I'd not leave it out. Some kids have a very strong sense of personal privacy and I don't think that's wrong as such.

bluetopazlove · 04/05/2024 22:04

I imagine her husband and step son make her her feel shit expecting her to pick up her step sons boxers after a shower , expect we're still waiting for the chat with step son about that .

WalkingaroundJardine · 04/05/2024 22:06

I hang my freshly washed bras and pants on the indoor clothes airer and don’t scurry shamefully around hiding them away when DD brings her boyfriend over. He is from a Middle Eastern country too. He handles it just fine and even does his much older sister’s washing so I can’t imagine why a Western man cannot handle it.

When we hide away normal clothing items, we sexualise them even more and make an extra rod for our backs. Men need to see bras as every day functional workhorses primarily for the benefit of women. Unless the bras are extremely scanty and lacy to the point of being a sex aid, what’s the problem?

Zanatdy · 04/05/2024 22:07

I do sometimes move my bra when I put it on the bathroom airer when I’m sleeping on the sofa bed when my 19yr old comes. Not that he would mind seeing a bra, but i don’t know, I just feel better moving it from the in your face position it’s in

Doodahday88 · 04/05/2024 22:10

TheFlis · 04/05/2024 16:24

I assume it’s a boy given you didn’t say? I think a lot of teen boys would be embarrassed by seeing their stepmothers underwear regardless of how normal it is.

Edited

Yes, but teenagers are embarrassed about loads of normal things. Doesn't mean it's actually inappropriate.

Flowerpotpearl · 04/05/2024 22:17

I wouldn't leave bra out either, not sure why. I leave on airer if son around but would not in front of anyone else, no idea why.. perhaps my upbringing. Equally I wouldn't really want to see anyone else's underwear 😁

maudelovesharold · 04/05/2024 22:17

I wouldn’t leave any of my clothes draped over the radiator overnight in the main bathroom which everyone else uses. It would also annoy me intensely if other people did it. Why can’t you just take your clothes in with you when you shower? Should be long enough for them to warm up. How hot do you want them to get?

PrincessTeaSet · 04/05/2024 22:23

brabrablacksheep · 04/05/2024 16:31

I assure you it's not an Ann summers lingerie set. It's just a bog standard piece of underwear.

Surely helping with weird feelings is to show that they are just normal items of clothing? Not hiding them away as if they are inappropriate. Women wear bras... don't see how it's different to a pair of boxers.

Disagree. Inappropriate to leave your underwear lying around the house. Put it on the radiator just before you have your shower it will make no difference

Whatdoido1987 · 04/05/2024 22:23

Does his dad also avoid holidays/taking his ds to the beach? Absolutely ridiculous..

Whatdoido1987 · 04/05/2024 22:25

Or does he blindfold him when you walk through a supermarket underwear aisle?

Lavenderflower · 04/05/2024 22:25

I don't think there is anything wrong with a bra, however, I don't think it appropriate to leave clothes out in a communal bathroom. That would irk me. If you were hanging wet washing, I could understand but leaving out clothes
every night strikes me as using your bathroom as a bedroom.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 04/05/2024 22:29

I assume it’s a boy given you didn’t say?

The OP says in her second post that it's her stepson.

Engaea · 04/05/2024 22:36

Fucking tragic how many people just accept the toxic messaging that a bra is a sexual thing and should be hidden.

I would leave my clothes where I wanted to in my own damn house.

Your Dh is batshit.

fieldsofbutterflies · 04/05/2024 22:38

I would leave my clothes where I wanted to in my own damn house.

What if everyone else wanted to hog the bathroom radiators with their clothes too?

tennesseewhiskey1 · 04/05/2024 22:41

I don’t know - my kids are young and think nothing of knickers and bras - I would like to think they will always be like this…

SpudleyLass · 04/05/2024 22:44

Dh needs to sit his son down and tell.him to grow up. Presumably, stepson is only at the house for a certain few days of the week whereas it is actually OP's home.

Why are we choosing to molly cuddle boys as old as to be teenagers from basic facts of life as bras? Mental because we certainly don't give girls the same courtesy.

Lordy, who actually cares about seeing some underwear, whether on a line or a radiator? If your home isn't very big, it's possible the bathroom must needs be used.

No, unless we tell men and boys to hide their underthings and tell them they must control their own mastubatory habits, women shouldn't feel compelled to hide their bras in their own homes.

Ubugly · 04/05/2024 22:44

Whats the difference if you went on holiday and he saw you in a bikini?
Ridiculous.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 04/05/2024 22:47

Yeah I don't tend to leave my underwear draped around communal areas of the house. The DC might have friends over which would be a bit embarrassing for them and aside from when they're on the washing line my bras live in a drawer. I'm also not ashamed of the fact that DD and I menstruate but sanitary products have a place where they are kept and are not generally left lying around the house.

SpudleyLass · 04/05/2024 22:48

KickHimInTheCrotch · 04/05/2024 22:47

Yeah I don't tend to leave my underwear draped around communal areas of the house. The DC might have friends over which would be a bit embarrassing for them and aside from when they're on the washing line my bras live in a drawer. I'm also not ashamed of the fact that DD and I menstruate but sanitary products have a place where they are kept and are not generally left lying around the house.

Genuinely curious. What do you do when it's winter/generally bad weather?

wutheringkites · 04/05/2024 22:51

Ubugly · 04/05/2024 22:44

Whats the difference if you went on holiday and he saw you in a bikini?
Ridiculous.

This has been said a few times, but I don't know of many women who would happily walk around in public in their bra and knickers.

fieldsofbutterflies · 04/05/2024 22:51

@SpudleyLass I'm not the poster you're responding to but we use the tumble dryer or a dry buddy that's enclosed.

SpudleyLass · 04/05/2024 22:54

fieldsofbutterflies · 04/05/2024 22:51

@SpudleyLass I'm not the poster you're responding to but we use the tumble dryer or a dry buddy that's enclosed.

And what of those of us who don't have room for or can't afford a tumble dryer?

What do you expect we do?

It will not kill the boy to see a bra on a radiator. It really won't.

Whatdoido1987 · 04/05/2024 22:55

wutheringkites · 04/05/2024 22:51

This has been said a few times, but I don't know of many women who would happily walk around in public in their bra and knickers.

Show quote history

But ...how ever will he cope on a beach then? And tbf some of the tiny crop tops and shorts I've seen people wearing aren't any more concealing than a bra!

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 04/05/2024 22:56

If a teenage boy is embarrassed at seeing a bra not currently worn by anyone then fine. He can be embarrassed.

It's completely irrational and he will grow up and realise that - unless the adults in his life pander to this and hide the offending clothing from his sensitive eyes.

PS I have a stepson and my own sons. They are all aware that I wear bras. And that most other women do too.

junebirthdaygirl · 04/05/2024 22:59

I haven't read everything but l think you need to respect your dhs request for his son. If a mum asked a stepfather to do or not do something when her children are there we would say he needs to oblige.
And l would absolutely hate bras or knickers hanging around the place. I do hang them in the utility room but it's not very public. I would have hated my mum to have her underwear draped around the place. It doesn't need to be a free for all. We have our bedrooms.