To think it’s not ‘cruel’ to take DD to the gym at 7.30am

[Eastie77Returns]

I attend an early gym class every Saturday morning. I leave the house around 7am.

I leave DS and DD at home with DP. He takes DS to football practice around 9am and DD tags along but she has become increasingly unhappy about having to go. I therefore gave her 2 other choices: come to the gym with with me or stay at home alone for 10/15 minutes as I’m home from the gym by 9.15-am latest. This morning I asked her what she wanted to do (I gave her the options earlier in the week so she had time to consider). She began complaining loudly saying none of the options were good ones and she just wanted me to stay at home with her. I explained that I was not prepared to miss my class and in the end she decided to come with me. As we were leaving DP began muttering that’s it’s unfair and cruel to drag her to a gym at the crack of dawn when Saturday morning should be her down time.

If it makes any difference, it’s a David Lloyd gym. DD is a member and she enjoyed a breakfast in the restaurant area and read a book while I did my class. She played with another girl in the play area and the two of them have signed up for a taster kids class so she was fine. But I’ve now received a text from my dad saying he’s heard (obviously from DP) from that “poor DD is being dragged to a gym on Saturdays” so she can stay with him on Friday evenings if she prefers. Obviously I would be expected to drop off and pick her up. I said no.

AIBU to think this is a load of fuss about absolutely nothing?

patronising much??!

I know, but given how juvenile that post was I couldn't help myself.

And yet the OP's DD is not one of those people. She's fine with early starts, according to the OP.

Understood, but the jibes aimed at other posters for apparently not being early-morning types do feel blinkered and that was my point, rather than anything about OP's DD.

Um no she had options child or not, not everything revolves around them...sorry not sorry. There's the rest of the day it's not her whole Saturdays spent being left or dragged about. You do you mama

There is too much we don’t know before we can offer an opinion.
How old is DD?
Is she up and dressed by the time you leave for the gym?
is she too young to be left alone, even for 10 or so minutes.
Is she quite happy at the gym, reading, eating breakfast and playing with her friend every Saturday?
Although people are correct to say you have a right to your own time, I really don’t think you should put your own desires above those of your daughter unless she is being a stroppy teenager.

The answers to all your questions are in the OP' and updates.

She sounds like she wants a bit of time with someone which doesn’t include being a bolt on. You have made your gym class your priority and she sees this, she wants time and you’re not giving her time by dragging her to a gym class, this only benefits you, not your DD. Of course she’s not going to arsed about going to football either as DP’s time is spent with DS. Where does that leave her? She doesn’t want to be left either and many kids given the opportunity to be left home alone for a while would jump at that but she’s not? She feels left out, everyone is doing their thing and she’s basically a tag along and trying to tell you that. Skipping a few gym classes wouldn’t hurt you if you go every weekend or maybe shift your class to one during the week so you can spend the time you are all off at the weekend doing something together to make her feel more included.

Yes, funny that. This was my first thought too.
I thought we had got past that 1950s mindset of wifey staying at home with the kids, etc. 🙄

Why all or nothing?

Why not suggest to DD that once a month she can go stay fri night with grandpa (who you say spoils her rotten), when she's ready spend 15min by herself at home, when you go to the gym once a month.

You might find that's all the incentive she needs to aspire to be more self-sufficient home alone.

You might even persuade grandpa once a month to do a drop off. Who knows, he might even want to take DD for the whole weekend?

And on those weekends - DS is your husband's full-time responsibility for the entire weekend - because otherwise DH is not contributing to the arrangement.

With a little lateral thinking, you could turn this into a win-win situation for both you and daughter.

Gosh every time I dip back into this thread it’s reached a new level of drama.

Why the touchiness around this topic?

Op asked if the arrangement was “ cruel.” Cruel was kind of overdoing it, but not ideal was obvious I’d have thought or there was no point in the post in the first place.

The fact that people gave it consideration and some thought it was doable and others thought it wasn’t has become a fairly vitriolic affair. I’m not even sure why op asked if she thought it was entirely defensible. Why are people so defensive about the gym? Not everybody needs the gym to keep in shape but that doesn’t make it a no-go. Is there guilt round the expenditure or something thing? Because there are some mighty touchy types on here …

I think it's fine op and that you're setting a good example. She might start working out while you're in your class or using the time to do homework.

How old is she???

11. Op's second post and mentioned throughout.

So because the youth in Asia get up early, OP is dead serious about her DD not having a nice Saturday morning every week?

🤦‍♀️

(My reaction to some of the recent messages.)

If this one of a number of threads about DP, why are you still with him if he pisses you off no end and takes the piss? Just curious why you would stay with someone like that who obviously doesn’t seem to make you happy and is quite happy to see you run yourself ragged?

Can't she have a lie in ? Id ahes getting up early every day day for Schooll its unreasonable dragging her to your gym

I am really shocked at some of these comments, insinuating that OP should give up the small amount of time she has for herself. DD actually has three choices, sleep in and be home alone, go with OP or go with her dad!

If dad drove, that would solve all the issues! OP could go to her exercise class, DD could sleep in and not be home alone!

@ChedderGorgeous

she can have a nice Saturday

she can have a nice lie in
or she can have a nice sit in a cafe
whichever she wants

@Maddy70

how so?

Yeah it's that simple isn't it!!!!

Wow this thread is wild!

YANBU OP, as I'm sure you know by now. Its good for children to realise that the world doesn't revolve around them and that sometimes they need to go along to things for the benefit of others. And also good to learn some independence once she decides she'd rather not get up early, 15 minutes once a week is a perfect way to start and she does need to start in order to be ready for September.

For 99.999% of human history she risked becoming a snack to a passing predator if left alone

plugs ears to block out the sound of the barrel being scraped!!!!

'she can have a nice lie in or she can have a nice sit in a cafe'

A nice sit in a cafe at 7.30am, what fun! Or a nice lie in. For whatever reason the op has a dp who won't drive <selectively> and an 11yr old who doesn't want to be home alone. Yes it seems inexplicable but it's up to the op to ensure the dd is ok being left before forcing it.

God help us!

what don't you understand? Children are born with innate fears. Logical rational fears, from an evolutionary point of view. Why are people being so callous about this little girls normal natural fears?