To think modern parenting has rendered us helpless?

[bustroubles]

I need to stress here I’m not advocating a return to smacking or anything like that. It’s horrible. Equally though I do sometimes wonder …

I suppose modern parenting hasn’t rendered you helpless if your child cares about sanctions but mine doesn’t. He’s three and I am mindful I don’t remember being three but I don’t think I was like this?

This morning he started throwing still damp clothes out of the drier. Told to stop over and over. Ignored me then ran off laughing. I’m just feeling helpless and a bit of a twat. I’ve no consequence he cares about, and time out isn’t recommended, smacking (which I’m positive my parents would have done to me in that instance) is illegal.

Maybe I have a particularly obstinate one but I don’t know … feeling a bit about it all. I know everyone will tell me what I did wrong but really I’m asking something deeper than that, if we’re just helpless now and reliant on our children’s good will?

The super strict academies are a reaction against so many badly behaved children.

Aye, and when were they brought in?

https://www.edinburghlive.co.uk/news/edinburgh-news/school-violence-edinburgh-increases-54-28916866.amp

https://inews.co.uk/news/scotland/aggression-and-violence-in-scottish-schools-is-on-the-rise-study-reveals-2780982

Thats all modern parenting: nothing to do with Covid?

Badly behaved students have always existed. I don’t think there’s a correlation between that and modern parenting. I do think that as I said in my OP modern parenting doesn’t have adults in control. Is that bad? When your three year old is emptying the contents of your drier it is. But in a broader sense perhaps it isn’t. I know children now are less likely to be cowed by adults . I sometimes wish my child was a little cowed by me, though!

I don’t really understand your stance tbh. You think modern parenting is too soft, but kids aren’t worse behaved, that strict parenting means beating children and that although you disagree with that you want your child to be a bit more cowed by you?

Sorry I just can’t quite see what it is you’re trying to say?

All you have to do is try it.

So - he runs off giggling while you get the laundry basket - why is that a problem?

@Welovecrumpets thats because I don’t really have one. I think a few things can be true at the same time and I also think that some problems can be replaced with others.

@Mischance you were saying you’d deal with it by making it a fun game. You wouldn’t be able to do that if he ran off, would you? 😅

Reading this thread is eye opening and goes a long way to explaining the extreme behaviours I witness every single day in young primary school children.

Sorry can you go a bit further with this? I’m interested

Lack of respect for anyone, hurting other children and teachers, answering back and questioning all authority. Homework not being completed because the child doesn't want to and the parent can't get them to. All happens every single day and it's getting to the point where it's closer to the majority of the class rather than the minority.

Then when poor DC has a consequence put in place for their behaviour by the school the parents are complaining.

If children aren't taught consequences and respect at a young age it continues to escalate.

I have children myself and I don't agree with and do not smack however I see nothing wrong with time out and consequences alongside a system of rewarding positive behaviour.

My response to this would be that in those situations they need preparing for that in advance and support given at the time.

@tiredinoratia how do you prepare in advance and what support do you give?

But you can't prepare a child in advance for the fact that they can't take the wet clothes out of the dryer. Because you've been putting clothes in the dryer every day for the three years they've been alive and they've never cared before.

And in the bigger picture, every parent does their best to prepare their toddler for the baby's arrival and the fact that they will have to share mummy and daddy. But every toddler still has trouble with that at times.

@CelesteCunningham I think she did not answer my question because she realises it is impossible to do what she advocates.
And I have seen young children being moved away from something dangerous, and as soon as they are put down, run giggling back to where they were. At some point you have to say no.