To want a shower one night a week. DH says I’m a c**t

[Hopingforbetterluck]

I’ve just had enough. WW3 started because we came back from holiday on Sunday, I’ve not had a chance to wash my hair since then, busy unpacking, washing, WFH, life with 2 small DC. Last night I wanted to have a shower and wash my hair and for DH to put tea in while I did that once the kids were in bed. Apparently I’m a twt, a c*t, a bitch. A real woman would have dinner on the table every night. He smashed around the kitchen making a sht tea as he put it.

He says I should be having a shower at lunch time while eldest DC is at nursery and youngest is asleep but I’ve worked overtime this week and not had chance not to mention the fact I’d rather have a shower at the start or end of the day. He says it’s my poor time management that’s caused this argument and me and my attitude can sleep on the sofa tonight. I’m just so heartbroken that my life has come to this. My dad and no other man in my life would ever dream of speaking to me like this yet this is who I’ve ended up with.

OP, that's really bad and no way to live, please think about ending this relationship if you can.

I've been with my DH 30 years and he had never called me a cunt or a twat. This is not normal OP.

I disagree, as you need to blow dry hair after

I agree

I voted YABU, because you are for giving this garbage fella even a second more of your time.

I wouldn’t even fire that amount of verbal abuse at a stranger who wronged me, never mind my spouse and mother of my child. He’s gross.

A real woman would have dinner on the table every night.
Please tell me that this OP is not real. Surely men who think such things went extinct just after the dinosaurs.

OP, how on earth did you encounter this prince amongst men?

Please leave this waster now. This is abuse and you do not deserve this.

Really...she wanted a shower and he kicked off because he had to cook tea. Really... I a man and I cook, clean, tidy, do diy...because I have retired and my wife want to keep working because she does...I put tea on the table...wash clothes and actually I enjoy it. But is this woman works and has to put tea on the table and shower only when allowed too...

As SAFELY as possible - please speak to a domestic abuse charity to make a plan before you tell him you're leaving

Are you the husband ?

Only one c**t in your house op and it isn't you.

Ah OP please leave before your children get so fucked up by this.

He is a nasty bastard and you deserve better

Leave the abusive twat as soon as you can safely. Please get advice and get to safety. He is not a normal person

To those saying I could have a shower in 5 minutes, yes but I wanted to dry my hair and apparently that was unacceptable and I should be doing tea. Surely for one night a week I can take the time to do my hair.

I wish it was simple enough to just leave but I can’t afford it and don’t want to leave my children with him without me there during contact times.

I can't believe the responses on here. OP what you've just detailed is abuse. Instead people on here are clambering over each other to find ways in which you can shower more quickly. My god.

Can you tell us why you haven't asked him to leave op?

It's difficult to understand how situations like yours come about for anyone in a normal good relationship. None of what you have written is in any way acceptable. None of the names called, ever. None of the sexist expectations, ever. How? How did you end up having two kids with a man like this. Did you not know he was vile? And now that you do know, why are you posting on mumsnet rather than saying 'I want a divorce, this is a toxic environment because you are a sexist horror, in which I couldn't bear my children to grow up in.'

You’re living in a house with this? Don’t ruin your children’s lives by exposing them to it.

OP how long you take has nothing to do with this ... I'm
Not one to say LTB but if this is the undercurrent of how he talks to you .. you need to stand up for yourself.. and tell him if that how he feels that your a cunt .. the door is open for him to F**k off ..

It is far easier to be a single parent relying on yourself than to be in a relationship with someone demeaning you and who should be pulling their weight but doesn't, the resentment slowly erodes your mental and physical health.

You have completely missed the point…you have a very low bar about acceptable behaviour 🤦‍♀️

I can’t believe women are bickering about how you shouldn’t spend more than five mins in the shower while you are enduring life with an abusive, controlling monster who won’t allow you to sleep in your own bed. Please tell someone in real life about this nightmare. Your dad?

Re can't afford it. Look in to that one. Benefits are for this reason. Check out entitled to. You'll get maintenance too.

Re not wanting him to have them. Yes, that's understandable. I'm not sure how to advise here, but could women's aid help? He's abusive to you obvo, but would he be to his children? Would he even want to have contact?

That is the most passive aggressive and unpleasant post I've read for a while. OP needs support, not more blame and guilt tripping.

He's foul. Sexist, selfish and vicious. I understand why you feel you can't leave, but I think you will end up having to, in the end - his nasty nature will poison the kids' living environment more and more as they get older - so I would start thinking about how to make it work. You can't go on like this.

Agree. My husband who is massively annoying at times would never treat me so badly and always very respectful.