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Original poster

To want a shower one night a week. DH says I’m a c**t

439 replies

Hopingforbetterluck · 03/05/2024 22:26

I’ve just had enough. WW3 started because we came back from holiday on Sunday, I’ve not had a chance to wash my hair since then, busy unpacking, washing, WFH, life with 2 small DC. Last night I wanted to have a shower and wash my hair and for DH to put tea in while I did that once the kids were in bed. Apparently I’m a twt, a c*t, a bitch. A real woman would have dinner on the table every night. He smashed around the kitchen making a sht tea as he put it.

He says I should be having a shower at lunch time while eldest DC is at nursery and youngest is asleep but I’ve worked overtime this week and not had chance not to mention the fact I’d rather have a shower at the start or end of the day. He says it’s my poor time management that’s caused this argument and me and my attitude can sleep on the sofa tonight. I’m just so heartbroken that my life has come to this. My dad and no other man in my life would ever dream of speaking to me like this yet this is who I’ve ended up with.

OP posts:
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ByDandi · 04/05/2024 01:56

@Hopingforbetterluck I can’t imagine how it feels to be with someone who thinks it is acceptable to treat you that way.

If the only thing keeping you with him is the worry of leaving your children alone with him and money it must feel like you are trapped.

I imagine your children mean the world to you, you should know that this is emotional abuse and can have a worse impact on mental health than physical abuse. By leaving him you are showing your children it is unacceptable to allow someone to treat you that way, it shows them strength and to want more for themselves.

If he has never mistreated the children, staying with him due to finance and worry about him being alone will do more harm to your kids in the long run.

There is a lot of financial help available if you leave him, you may have to accept a lower standard of living but surely happiness is more important.

I hope you find the strength to leave him…xxx

commonsense12 · 04/05/2024 02:04

You don't want your children to model future relationships from this one!

Abi86 · 04/05/2024 02:23

I just read your OP, OP. I rarely (if ever say this and certainly not as quickly as this), but you need to LTB. No ifs, buts, maybe or second chances. Go. Be free. Live your life with dignity and respect. All the best.

femfemlicious · 04/05/2024 02:38

Hopingforbetterluck · 03/05/2024 22:26

I’ve just had enough. WW3 started because we came back from holiday on Sunday, I’ve not had a chance to wash my hair since then, busy unpacking, washing, WFH, life with 2 small DC. Last night I wanted to have a shower and wash my hair and for DH to put tea in while I did that once the kids were in bed. Apparently I’m a twt, a c*t, a bitch. A real woman would have dinner on the table every night. He smashed around the kitchen making a sht tea as he put it.

He says I should be having a shower at lunch time while eldest DC is at nursery and youngest is asleep but I’ve worked overtime this week and not had chance not to mention the fact I’d rather have a shower at the start or end of the day. He says it’s my poor time management that’s caused this argument and me and my attitude can sleep on the sofa tonight. I’m just so heartbroken that my life has come to this. My dad and no other man in my life would ever dream of speaking to me like this yet this is who I’ve ended up with.

My goodness 😭

Benthany · 04/05/2024 02:41

Ma child being a man doesn't mean he's incapable of doing household tasks. He would have to do it if he was single living alone.

Murdoch1949 · 04/05/2024 02:43

The shower is nothing to do with it. The issue is your vile husband and his attitude towards you. Unless you want a life of misery you must make plans to leave him. You are unhappy and your children will be affected by the family dynamics.

WhenTheRedRedRobinComesBobBobBobbingAlong · 04/05/2024 03:24

Youdontevengohere · 03/05/2024 22:32

If my husband called me any of those things I’d be gone.

If my husband called me any of those things, I’d be right here with my kids, but he’d be kicked right out that door!!

Twinkletwinklelil · 04/05/2024 03:48

People saying they don’t see how you haven’t managed to shower clearly have no idea how hard it is juggling everything you have on your plate. Ignore them.

op, you deserve better than this low life so called man.

im so sorry you’re being treated like this. He’s the asssshole here. Probably always is if he thinks he can talk to you like this.

id be making it clear that it’s unacceptable and either walk or say next time you will. (If you feel you can)

Your time management isn’t the issue, he is the entire issue.

ChocolateTurtle · 04/05/2024 03:55

Dear OP, this is heartbreaking, I'm so sorry you are bring treated in such a vile and abusive way, you deserve so much better. You are in an abusive relationship. It's not your fault, many abusers begin abuse around the time their partner gets pregnant. I know first hand that it is not easy to leave so won't tell you to (even though I wish you could 😢). Could you talk to someone at Women's Aid or a local domestic violence charity? A good domestic abuse support worker would enable you to talk through your options and makes the best decisions for you and your children. Wishing you all the very best 🫂

anonymous98 · 04/05/2024 03:56

OP you don't deserve this. I think you should strongly consider trying to leave, along with your children. I don't know you - but based on this post, your husband sounds horrible. You deserve so much better.

CrappyBarbara · 04/05/2024 04:05

Aquamarine1029 · 03/05/2024 22:34

My dad and no other man in my life would ever dream of speaking to me like this yet this is who I’ve ended up with.

You are with him now because that's what you're choosing to do. Make a different choice. You can leave him anytime you want to, and I suggest you do so as quickly as possible.

If you really think it’s that easy you must live an incredibly sheltered life.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/05/2024 04:36

I know you’re scared of your children being left with him. Odds on if he can’t be bothered to do anything practical for them like cook dinner, he will only want minimal to no contact with them. At the very least, I would start documenting the abuse. This really is no way to live and it will be affecting your babies.

Combattingthemoaners · 04/05/2024 04:50

Flickersy · 03/05/2024 22:28

Tell him a real man would earn enough that you don't have to work.

Then leave him.

That’s just as bad!

Alwaysdieting · 04/05/2024 04:54

Its so easy for people to say LTB but for most people they have no where to go. Why should she leave anyway.
She should tell him never ever to talk to her like that again and tell him to sleep on the effing sofa. Why do so many women end up with such bastard partners. It seems like the world is full of them, whats going on.

KomodoOhno · 04/05/2024 05:20

commonsense12 · 04/05/2024 02:04

You don't want your children to model future relationships from this one!

This. Your children will lean it's OK to treat people this way and it's okay to be treated this way. Look at them and imagine them going thru this or doing this to a partner.

WiseUp · 04/05/2024 05:20

OP, this is not normal behaviour. No man should be abusing and swearing and name calling his wife, the mother of his children. He is not a good man. He is a terrible father. He is an abuser.

Please try to talk this through with Women’s Aid. They can advise you on leaving and help you make a plan. You cannot go on living with someone who calls you a c* and belittles you like this. It will only get worse.

NewDenimDog · 04/05/2024 05:22

@Hopingforbetterluck I'm not going to weigh in on the wider situation here, but could you get an instant pot/pressure cooker or slow cooker so that you could have your shower and hair styling time whilst the pot does the work of dinner? I have an instant pot and batch cook lunches for the week on a Sunday, there's very little prep work for some recipes and then you just set and forget.

Guavafish1 · 04/05/2024 05:22

Your husband is a loser with no respect for you. It will get worse.

Contact women's aid.

My friend left her abusive partner with 8 week old baby. It was a hard 1-2 years post leaving but now she is better off. Women's aid helped her.

AgentJohnson · 04/05/2024 05:34

I wish it was simple enough to just leave but I can’t afford it and don’t want to leave my children with him without me there during contact times.

So what’s the plan? Stay and learn to STFU so your children can have that as their primary relationship role model or challenge the arsewipe and have bickering parents be their primary relationship role model. I’m sorry you are in this situation but accepting toxicity is rarely the better alternative.

Have you explored your options with professional advice?

Cattyisbatty · 04/05/2024 05:45

You need to speak to women’s aid or similar and get advice on the best way to leave, and also finances.
It’s showering this time, what will it be next time? What happens if you’re ill, does he help at all?
And fwiw I can shower quickly but it’s the hair which is time consuming!

flyinghen · 04/05/2024 05:48

OP, I've read your updates, if you have a low income then it will be topped up by UC and you are entitled to child benefit. Also technically he should pay you maintenance. I would speak to a domestic abuse charity and ask them for help with things like this.

I would also tell your Dad, honestly if my adult child was going through this they could live me in a heartbeat.

He is not good for you or your children. For both your sake I hope you find the strength 🩷

lifesrichpageant · 04/05/2024 05:50

Goodness the name calling and your description of what happened took my breath away. How utterly awful and 100% unacceptable. I know that just walking away is not easy but please start to connect with some supports and let your friends and family know what is happening. This is serious and will escalate. Good luck.

Angelsrose · 04/05/2024 05:52

You're only being unreasonable if you stay. You know you're not going to grow old with this man. Run far and fast. Do not look back.

saraclara · 04/05/2024 05:56

NewDenimDog · 04/05/2024 05:22

@Hopingforbetterluck I'm not going to weigh in on the wider situation here, but could you get an instant pot/pressure cooker or slow cooker so that you could have your shower and hair styling time whilst the pot does the work of dinner? I have an instant pot and batch cook lunches for the week on a Sunday, there's very little prep work for some recipes and then you just set and forget.

Yep, a kitchen gadget will solve all her problems.

Seriously, What's the matter with you?

MaryShelley1818 · 04/05/2024 05:57

By staying with this man you are failing to safeguard your children.
They are being subjected to abuse on a daily basis which will be causing them irreparable damage and trauma.
If you can't leave for yourself which I understand is difficult, please leave to protect them.