To want a shower one night a week. DH says I’m a c**t

[Hopingforbetterluck]

I’ve just had enough. WW3 started because we came back from holiday on Sunday, I’ve not had a chance to wash my hair since then, busy unpacking, washing, WFH, life with 2 small DC. Last night I wanted to have a shower and wash my hair and for DH to put tea in while I did that once the kids were in bed. Apparently I’m a twt, a c*t, a bitch. A real woman would have dinner on the table every night. He smashed around the kitchen making a sht tea as he put it.

He says I should be having a shower at lunch time while eldest DC is at nursery and youngest is asleep but I’ve worked overtime this week and not had chance not to mention the fact I’d rather have a shower at the start or end of the day. He says it’s my poor time management that’s caused this argument and me and my attitude can sleep on the sofa tonight. I’m just so heartbroken that my life has come to this. My dad and no other man in my life would ever dream of speaking to me like this yet this is who I’ve ended up with.

madameparis
So you’d rather that you were never born and never existed”

Now, no. Have had a lovely life with a wonderful husband and children/grandchild. As a child, yes, absolutely. Frequently.

You said you were angry.

Telling a person who already has children that contraception is free is the opposite of helpful. You know nothing about how anyone else was experiencing life or partnership before pregnancy. Or how they became pregnant.

I think you should step back here, but that’s just my opinion. I’m not going to derail this thread by engaging with you further on the topic and making it about you.

@MrsSkylerWhite you do realise how little say victims of domestic abuse have don't you? It's incredibly common for abusers to firstly insist on sex (rape through coercion) and then refuse to wear a condom because children make it even harder to leave. And when women are most likely to be murdered when they start making plans to leave its understandable why many don't feel able to do that safely. Not exactly what I'd call 'entirely avoidable.

Yes @Lavender14 , I do, thank you. Witnessed/listened to my mother being raped, beaten, coerced almost
daily for 10 years. Don’t wish to recount my personal experiences.
She was unable to access contraception.
Anyone now who has the freedom to post on social media - my mother was not allowed to use the house telephone/watch television/listen to radio unless my father listened/approved the programme - is highly likely to have the ability to access personal contraception.

Yes, and also rape. It's fine for you to be angry MrsSkylerWhite, so many of us are. It's not fine for you to post dismissively and almost blame other women for the children they have and the situation they are in. If you don't understand that many of these situations are not of women's making or agreement, then you don't.

AliceOlive
I think you should step back here, but that’s just my opinion. I’m not going to derail this thread by engaging with you further on the topic and making it about you.”

I don’t agree with you so I have to step back.
How dare you? I hope you don’t treat your partner that way.

I shall ask again, though you are not of course obliged to reply. Have you experienced domestic abuse?

I wouldn't worry about that. He won't want them soon enough. But you have to leave. Don't kid yourself you are doing right by them by giving them a family home nor that you have no choices as you aren't and you do.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

I’m sorry but I can’t help but blame SOME women when they continue to bring children into a terrible situation when they do have the ability to prevent it. I’ve witnessed it myself.
Of course others don’t have the option. I find it very difficult to believe, though, that someone who is able to access and post on the internet freely without interference from an abusive partner is in that category.

You can start laying groundwork to leave even if you are not convinced you can or ever will do so. One step at a time, you can make it easier in case you decide you must do it. I think the phone call to women’s aid to gather info is a really good first step.

No worries, Mrs. White, you certainly have
a point.
Some opinions are less popular than others,
mine too (in relation to threads like these).

It really doesn't matter what you believe or don't but you've said your piece, it's upsetting to read and incorrect in assumptions you've made. Every 'case' is different with so many variables.

OP isn't responsible for what is happening to her and she's the one needing support on her thread so I'm going to leave it there.

Also, tell someone in real life. You don’t have to go into detail, just that things are difficult and he’s not kind when you need help.

LEAVE the bugger!!

My DP is FAR from perfect and we are currently talking through things to see what we can do so I am happier or we split HOWEVER today he has taken LOs out from 10 and wont be back until 3. In the mean time I have slept, dont some online shopping, gone for a walk and an hours or so cleaning. Balance is important. He can do the tea simply because you do it most nights, hair wash needed or not

GingerPirate

So it seems. I suspect with some people who have no personal experience.

I can understand that, but really wouldn't it break your Dad's heart if he knew how your H speaks to and treats you? How he is likely to speak to and treat his children as they get older?

Am I correct in taking from your posts, OP, that at this point he hasn’t tipped over into physical abuse?
You must get yourself and the children away from him because he will only get worse.
You mentioned your dad? Do you have supportive family? Can they help?

Whatever you decide, for Christ’s sake don’t have any more children with this man.

If my DH called me any of those things, for any reason at all, then the marriage would be over.

As an adult in.her own home,.she.can.choose to shower whenever she.likes. Also in.her own.homeshe should not be sworn at nor sent to bed on the sofa like a.naughty child.

Also, OP, you’ve mentioned “contact time” with him a couple of times, with reference to the children. I’m sorry, please could you clarify what that means. It’s usually with reference to a separated couple?

I think the OP is saying that if they were to split she wouldn’t want her DH having contact time with the kids without her there.

Is that honestly your take away from what OPs other half said to her? Wow - just wow!

Firstly… are you working from home with a child at home? Secondly, taking more than 5 minutes for a shower is normal. 3rd… you husband is a knob

indeed, every time I catch myself feeling a bit sad and lonely I log on here and read about some appalling men who do not deserve having a woman even looking at them let alone living with them. I read about behaviours that would not have been tolerated when I was young and it makes me despair that there are some horrible, entitled, mean and in some cases down right dangerous men out there.

Youdontevengohere

I think the OP is saying that if they were to split she wouldn’t want her DH having contact time with the kids without her there”

I see. Thank you. I reread but was still unclear.
I don’t know what the situation is now, my parents divorced in the 70s but because of the abusive nature of the relationships, we did not have to see my father. Is that still the case? Something for OP to look into?

it doesn't matter whose name it's in

in divorce the starting point of division of assets is 50%. and he will have to pay child maintenance + you may be entitled to benefits

it's perfectly doable and much better than being stuck with someone who is abusive