Mother-in-law wants me to formula feed and let her feed my baby

[Artmumcreative]

I plan to exclusively breastfeed and have had this plan since before DH and I conceived. MIL came over today when DH was at work and told me that I need to have a bottle and formula. She desperately wants to feed my baby (once she's born!!!) but I want to breastfeed and I always have wanted to. I have friends that exclusively formula-feed and that's totally fine, they have medical reasons for not breastfeeding, and I appreciate that some people don't want to or can't breastfeed. I feel like MIL wants to take over my role as my baby's mother. Am I being unreasonable?

You feed your baby however YOU want. You say no. And that is enough of a response in itself nothing else you need to explain or say. End of. And repeat as needed.

Stop letting her come over when you Dh is at work.

Tell him it’s his job to deal with her and her overbearing comments and behaviour.

Put your foot down on both of these right now, start as you mean to go on.

Shes going to be a nightmare if you and particularly dh don’t start shutting this nonsense down asap. My MIL went to see a solicitor when I was pregnant with #1 to discuss her grandparents rights. I’d have loved to have seen the look on her face when she was told ‘none’.

Definitely do not do this just so your mil can feed baby. Grandparents get fixated on this idea.

Do consider getting your baby used to a bottle/formula from 4-6 weeks so you can have some freedom on your own terms/a safety net in case you ever get stuck somewhere away from baby (in a traffic jam, at A&E etc) and someone else needs to feed baby.

I don't dispute that, I'm just saying that the language in the post is a bit dramatic. Did she really TELL the Op that she has to bottle feed? I doubt it.

People get so territorial over babies. Just let them be loved by everyone

Well that accounts for one of the YABU votes

I'm guessing she didn't say it when DH was at work because she just happened to be passing. It was deliberate, hoping she could put pressure on you when you were on your own. You know she's being totally unreasonable, breastfeed for as long as you want. But if she's going to try to go down this path your DH will need to support you. Will he do that? Or will he bow to mummy?

The baby isn't a 'feed me/ I wet' doll.
The baby isn't a toy everyone gets a turn playing with.

Tell her no.
Tell your H it's a no.

Don't budge.

And when she complains and whines and starts arguing, tell her the subject isn't up for discussion.

And if this ghastly woman has a key to your house, quietly have the locks changed so she can't let herself in.

Who on earth are the 3 percent who say you're being unreasonable?! Your baby, your rules.

Say no sorry I'm breastfeeding

She sounds crazy op, set boundaries now and firmly, or you won’t know what she will expect next!

Don't ever leave her alone with the baby. Even if you go for a bath, she'll have a bottle in your baby's mouth in the blink of an eye. ALWAYS be there when she is there so she's never alone with baby. She'll be an overbearing nightmare of a MIL once your baby is born...the red flags are flying already with this one.

You stand strong on your EBF plans, don't let ANYONE interfere with that.

Oh give over. She doesn't need to get baby used to a bottle/formula. Why can people never just support an EBF mum to EBF??

Oh my, what a nerve she has to suggest this. I EBF both my children, up to the age of about 15 months. I must admit it was a bit of a personal goal to not use formula (I have nothing against it, but I wanted to EBF if I could). I must admit that before weaning, it was hard work, but I loved how convenient it was to leave the house without having to think about bottles/ wake in the night. It was such a lovely bonding time. I did eventually use the pump to collect milk which you can suggest can eventually be used to bottle feed (but not immediately).

Your MIL is being extremely unreasonable and only thinking about herself. Please do not listen to her.

She's being really rather horrendously selfish.

You are 100% within your rights to tell her to fuck right off, but I'm sure you know that.

I really hope you have what many Mumsnetters don't have, if the majority of MIL posts are anything to go by - a DH who is prepared to say no to their Mother! Although, in this case, DH has no say as to whether you breast feed or not, so do yourself a favour and show her you are more than prepared to put your foot down!

Set your stall out, OP!

Massive no. Not one bit up to her!

You need to be firm. So does your husband. Successful breastfeeding is much easier with support.

for now, make it clear you are breastfeeding. If she continues with the formula lobbying, warn her once each visit, then ask her to leave on the second.

Tell her the baby is not her new dolly and you'll do what's best for your baby. Ff's.

You are the adult, the parent - you're going to have to assert that, possibly with your DH, too.

Do not follow the 'say nothing' / 'nod' / 'sorry ...' comments here.

Speak up.

Say no.

No apologies - just statements of fact.

Broken record assertiveness technique - repeating the same thing in the same tone of voice, not getting dragged into arguments.

'No. My baby is exclusively breast fed.'

Repeat as required.

Why do MILs DO this???

She can fuck off.

EBF or not you can chose who feeds your baby.
Mine were mixed due to low supply and I wanted only me and DH to feed them untill 6m and starting solids.
Obviously MIL was dramatic over it but learned to live.
I am surprised how many people think unless baby is physically attached to you mum cannot make decisions for it.

I have a 4 month old and I ebf when it's me feeding. I have formula for my mum to use when she looks after dc when I am out with toddler or shopping, etc.
I haven't had success pumping enough milk to use, but it's also good because there have been a few emergencies where I have been away unexpectedly so formula was needed anyway and luckily baby is used to taking a bottle of formula.

Something to think about.
You could also try pumping milk for your partner to feed baby or anyone else as needed. I agree with pp: if you desperately need sleep it's nice if someone trusted can come by and sit with baby for a couple hours so you can shower, wash you hair, shave your legs (ha ha) and get into bed for a couple hours.

This isn't what EBF means. You do not EBF. Your baby is combi fed. So, you BF, then sometimes baby is given formula by others.

That's absolutely fine as that's what you want to do, but it's not EBF. The OP has made it clear that she does want to EBF, so suggesting she combi feed or introduced a bottle like you do is unhelpful. Again, that's fine if it works for you, but many women do want to EBF and carry out the feeding themselves, as is biologically normal for the mother to do. Others can help mum in other ways, such as winding, changing etc, while mum has a shower or some hot food.

Tell her to fuck right off.

Seems using "ebf" was wrong. What I meant was I bf exclusively when it's just me.