Mother-in-law wants me to formula feed and let her feed my baby

[Artmumcreative]

I plan to exclusively breastfeed and have had this plan since before DH and I conceived. MIL came over today when DH was at work and told me that I need to have a bottle and formula. She desperately wants to feed my baby (once she's born!!!) but I want to breastfeed and I always have wanted to. I have friends that exclusively formula-feed and that's totally fine, they have medical reasons for not breastfeeding, and I appreciate that some people don't want to or can't breastfeed. I feel like MIL wants to take over my role as my baby's mother. Am I being unreasonable?

Your baby your rules. If you want to exclusively breastfeed, go for it and ignore your MIL. She’s being odd.

Why would she get a say?

Just tell her no. It's your baby not hers, she's had her time bringing up her ds, and this is yours.

Start as you mean to go on and put your foot down. Let her walk all over you now or pissy foot around will mean years of manipulation. I hope your dh will have your back

I don't get the obsession with feeding a newborn. When grandchild was born I went all out to help get mum to get over the initial hump of breastfeeding. The growing confidence in her is a much better feeling than anything else.

Tell your bloke to yank her chain a bit and to shut up. It's him that should be dealing with this

MIL needs to be put at arms length and on a strict information diet immediately or you'll have a monster on your hands when the baby arrives. Your DH must back you up on this, don't spend any time with her if he's not there, don't give her a foot in the door, she will run roughshod given a chance.

Oh, OP, what a thing to have to deal with.

It is preposterous that anyone would decide not to breastfeed in order to satisfy someone else’s wish to play ‘feed the baby’. Your baby isn’t a pet, or a toy!

And if breastfeeding goes well and is established and you are happy with your choice don’t be persuaded about ‘an occasional bottle’ for any other adults entertainment, because mixed feeding too early can interrupt your supply and baby’s expectation of an easy flow!

Enjoy your baby, and shut MIL down. And make sure your DH backs you up.

Who on earth is voting the OP is being unreasonable??

OP no. Just say no.

Yes, I formula fed and at first it was almost entirely me with DH doing the late feed. We didn’t let anyone else take over. My stepmum bottle fed DS2 the first evening we came out of hospital after cs as I was feeling a bit whacked and DH had run out to get fish and chips for everyone - I think I made sure MIL didn’t find out about that …

Indeed. Also flag up to your partner that you will not tolerate her pushing in, so it might be best if he had a word.

It's a complete myth that feeding a baby helps with the "bonding process".

DD was close to her granny and her dad, and neither of them ever fed her.

Not at all! Had the same conversation with my mum funnily enough but covid followed by bottle refusal saved me from having to confront it. This time round im ready with a two word response!

Did she actually say that though? Or was it just a suggestion as she was thinking it would be nice for her and baby to bond

You need to set boundaries now.
Just say 'that's not my plan.'
If she complains say 'oh.'

She can feed baby a sandwich when he's 2, she doesn't need to feed him milk
From a bottle he's not a play Dolly.

I actually hated watching other people feed my baby my breastmilk from a bottle - I let a few have a go then I stopped it as it felt too weird as I'm the mum and I was meant to be the one nourishing him, it felt so odd that people were holding my body fluids and getting involved.

It's the MILs

Make it clear now. That you will be feeding YOUR baby how YOU choose and that her views on the subject are completely irrelevant. The answer is NO.

She has shown herself to be selfish, interfering, bossy and definitely without your child's best interests at heart, so avoid telling her when you go into labour, so she cannot show up at the hospital. Don't share any health details because you know she will want to broadcast them on Facebook.

Where do these ghastly women get their ideas from?

Follow organicallymaddie on insta for help with boundaries around babies

They can bond in other ways. Feeding isn't a magic bonding tool.

She can want whatever she likes…you can tell her no!

Tell her that only you and DH will feed baby if it has a bottle.
and what kind of self-absorbed grandma is she that her wanting to feed the baby seems more important to her than baby’s needs and financial impact on you?

I don't dispute that, I'm just saying that the language in the post is a bit dramatic. Did she really TELL the Op that she has to bottle feed? I doubt it.

People get so territorial over babies. Just let them be loved by everyone

No, and no. Just no.

This.
Stand your ground. Baby is not a dolly for mil to play with.

Tell her to piss off.

I just don’t get what is the fascination of having to bottle feed your grandchild . I have 2 and never did as they were both exclusively breast fed . One still is breast fed . It never entered my head . Tell her a big fat NO. I could never in my wildest dreams expect or want that from my DIL .