To tell my husbands ex to **** off?!

[jdh877]

Hi all,

Cut a long story short. Been with husband 8 years, married for 3. Already have a child together. He has 2 boys from previous relationship. Ex is a horrible piece of work, alcoholic, narcissist, threatened me since day dot. We've always tried to keep things nice for the boys but things took a turn last year when services got involved as she was drinking again. Went from having the kids 80:20, to when social services said she was fit to parent again, she stopped my husband seeing them due to him 'taking them away from her'. She's only allowed him sporadic contact when it suits her. Just to clarify, they were removed as she was blind drunk choking on her vomit when the children came down for breakfast one morning. Social services have said she's fit to parent and need to make application to court. Can't afford a solicitor, or any of the fees due to all our savings being used for therapy for the boys and bridging the gap financially whilst they've been with us majority of the time. CMS took too long to investigate our claims so all this time my husband was still having to pay her maintenance, was warned if he didn't they would deduct from
Wages. Overall, horrible, horrible woman. Horrible horrible situation. Poor kids.

Found out we're unexpectedly pregnant, despite all the shit show of the past year or so, we're delighted. We've experienced loss and infertility so this baby is super special to us.

Obviously we've told the boys, my husband FaceTimes them regularly (when she allows). They were super excited. But obviously now their mum knows...

So tonight I've had an unknown caller calling me a fat whore down the phone (lovely) slurring words obviously.

My husband has had an unknown call telling him that's he's going to pretend he has done unthinkable things to her, that she's going to make sure he ends up in jail, that if that doesn't work she's going to harm me and our children...

I'm genuinely fucking done... I just want to tell her to FUCK OFF. but she's genuinely unhinged and I know it'll turn into something and I haven't got it in me. What the fuck do I do. It was the same with my last baby. She ruined my pregnancy and I just majorly fucking cba. She is the worst person I've ever met. And she's never going away. It's never going to stop.

Police not interested, said she's probably just upset from the news and not counted as harassment as didn't report all past instances. Said it's more of a civil issue but to ring if she turns up to the house. Feel like I'm being failed by everyone. Husband doesn't know what to do, he does everything right and she still comes back with something else.

Doesn’t excuse the wife’s behaviour.

Nothing does.

Yes, let’s add lying to list of ways OP has hurt the Mum.

Goes some way towards explaining it you have to admit.

Goes some way to explaining why he wanted away from her.

Let’s face it. All three of them are a shower of shit right now.

Oh yeah a man who cheats when he has a toddler and his partner is pregnant.
Of course he was the victim in the whole situation 😂

If her behaviour was so intolerable then I wonder was it to do with being exhausted minding a toddler plus having to deal with pregnancy hormones, along with dealing with a gaslighting partner?

🤓

if I were in your shoes I would contact police everytime she contacts you, contact social services, and if the one you’re dealing with is crap go higher with a complaint and say she’s endangering the boys and harassing you. Contact NSPCC & also contact the school the boys go to and alert them that she’s been calling you blind drunk again, the ELSA or someone at school should talk to the boys and make sure they’re safe! The boys might disclose that mum is regularly drinking again to someone trusted at school!
As others have said download the app to record calls, keep detailed notes of EVERYTHING! If she calls you just hand the phone to your husband and let him deal with her nonsense.. distance yourself
Did he have an affair with you and leave her for you? Is that why she’s so angry? Sorry but couldn’t notice you’ve been together 8 years but his son is only 7.. Not that that excuses her behaviour, but it might explain her anger.
good luck with your pregnancy and congratulations

Wow I've been poorly for a few days and only just come back to this. Just to clear up. No affairs have taken place. Boys were young when we got together but I did change their ages for anonymity reasons. They are actually 10 and 12 which I didn't want to share in case but I doubt she'll see this on here anyway. Since spoke to social services again and all flagged up, it's a shit show but who knows, maybe they'll sort it this time.

Mum still withholding boys. It's just grim. Some comments are super helpful so thank you! I truly want what's best for my whole family, myself included and that DOES NOT make me an evil cow like some people have said! I think you don't truly understand until you're in a situation like this yourself. At the end of the day, my heart breaks for the kids, for their dad and it also breaks for me and my children too. I don't think anyone deserves this because one person has issues. I can't take her alcoholism away unfortunately or trust me I would.

@jdh877
The people making out you were an evil cow were basing it on what you said in the OP which made it sound like he left his ex when she was pregnant and with a toddler and you were coming across like a huge hypocrite saying she was ruining your pregnancy after you had ruined hers and making out that she was awful when if you were the OW in that scenario your own behaviour was awful too.

Obviously with no cheating it's a completely different situation entirely!

Well saId.

OP didn't need to give away ages, saying 'older' would've been enough to stop the shit show thrown at her.

I understand why people were angry given the original ages provided.
That one slip up could've been avoided entirely if only the ages had been made older.

I wonder what loving acceptance of his frailties would be offered to a father in the same circumstances.

Agree 100% @Eggplant44. I don't understand how her husband possibly having an affair while she was pregnant absolves the ex of all responsibility and makes her a victim.

Alcoholism is very much a disease and she deserves stigma-free help and support like anyone else would in her circumstances... but it doesn't mean she isn't a shitty person to start with, whatever the reason for the shittiness. At the end of the day she's using the kids to get back at her ex and there's no excuse for that. A lot of people on here seem to forget that in their haste to batter the OP and pin a scarlet letter to her.

If there had been an affair then it doesn't mean the ex can behave however she likes.

But it would have provided an explanation for why the situation is the way it is.

And if there had been an affair then it would be clear to see how the OP and her husband would have made it all worse, because it came across as extremely hypocritical and superior.

People aren't forgetting anything, but you're being disingenuous if you can't see why the OP got the responses that she did when what she wrote made her sound like the OW. Complaining about her pregnancy being ruined after ruining the exes for example.

I doubt if someone was changing ages for anonymity reasons, they'd change it to the ages that make out it's an affair. More likely the OP has now changed the ages to make it seem like it wasn't an affair (an 'out', as suggested by a PP).

Agreed I’m afraid

💯⬆THIS

How old are the kids? Tell your husband to ask them to call him any time they're worried or concerned about anything when they're with their Mum.

Anytime she rings & sounds drunk ring SS to do a welfare check on the kids. record any calls you or your husband receive & log everything she says, verbatim, with times & dates etc. Keep on at SS if you feel the kids aren't being cared for properly or if you're concerned for their wellbeing.

I see you've been busy making ASSumptions.

I hope you realize what that makes you? As usual?

Shame on you and your nasty, sociopathic or psychopathic behavior showing in the posts you make! Not only were you WRONG, but you were TOTALLY wrong!

And then defending a drunk who has no business having custody of VULNERABLE children. I guess you only have sympathy for the drunk. I wonder why? Should I assume "like defends like"?

Maybe OP didn't think that the nasty belittlers on MN would figure it out. They certainly are not the sharpest tools in the shed 99.99999% of the time.

Now you've gone and ruined it for the people whose lives are so sad and pathetic that the only way they can get their jollies is in attacking a poster.

Alcoholism is a "disease" 🙄, but that doesn't mean the ex isn't just a nasty, self-centered, disgusting drunk. But then, if alcoholism is a disease, so is eating too much sugar, shopping too much, eating too much, watching too many sports or stories.......

I wonder what @StormingNorman 's excuse for the drunk, abusive ex will be now that it knows there was no affair and the drunk is just a drunk.

@StormingNorman sounds like they have some deep, deep issues.

I'm still wondering how they can afford to have another child but not a solicitor though. Any decent dad wouldn't bring another child into a shitshow.

You’re a bit late to the party hun.

Loving this micro obsession with me. This thread is old though so please let it go.