To tell my husbands ex to **** off?!

[jdh877]

Hi all,

Cut a long story short. Been with husband 8 years, married for 3. Already have a child together. He has 2 boys from previous relationship. Ex is a horrible piece of work, alcoholic, narcissist, threatened me since day dot. We've always tried to keep things nice for the boys but things took a turn last year when services got involved as she was drinking again. Went from having the kids 80:20, to when social services said she was fit to parent again, she stopped my husband seeing them due to him 'taking them away from her'. She's only allowed him sporadic contact when it suits her. Just to clarify, they were removed as she was blind drunk choking on her vomit when the children came down for breakfast one morning. Social services have said she's fit to parent and need to make application to court. Can't afford a solicitor, or any of the fees due to all our savings being used for therapy for the boys and bridging the gap financially whilst they've been with us majority of the time. CMS took too long to investigate our claims so all this time my husband was still having to pay her maintenance, was warned if he didn't they would deduct from
Wages. Overall, horrible, horrible woman. Horrible horrible situation. Poor kids.

Found out we're unexpectedly pregnant, despite all the shit show of the past year or so, we're delighted. We've experienced loss and infertility so this baby is super special to us.

Obviously we've told the boys, my husband FaceTimes them regularly (when she allows). They were super excited. But obviously now their mum knows...

So tonight I've had an unknown caller calling me a fat whore down the phone (lovely) slurring words obviously.

My husband has had an unknown call telling him that's he's going to pretend he has done unthinkable things to her, that she's going to make sure he ends up in jail, that if that doesn't work she's going to harm me and our children...

I'm genuinely fucking done... I just want to tell her to FUCK OFF. but she's genuinely unhinged and I know it'll turn into something and I haven't got it in me. What the fuck do I do. It was the same with my last baby. She ruined my pregnancy and I just majorly fucking cba. She is the worst person I've ever met. And she's never going away. It's never going to stop.

Police not interested, said she's probably just upset from the news and not counted as harassment as didn't report all past instances. Said it's more of a civil issue but to ring if she turns up to the house. Feel like I'm being failed by everyone. Husband doesn't know what to do, he does everything right and she still comes back with something else.

So your husband ruined her pregnancy (with your help by the sounds of) by leaving her pregnant with a toddler and now you are complaining she is ruining yours.

you need to record every single incident with social services though, for the sake of the children.

@jdh877 if she's slurring drunk and being abusive then your husband needs to be taking care of his children. If the police aren't interested then call social services out of hours now not in the morning.
What did the police actually say and do they know the children are currently in her care?

Contact children’s services out of hours now and report the children welfare if the police won’t action a welfare check… I cannot see any justification why both won’t carry out a welfare check.

I don’t understand how the children are back in their mothers care?

OP were you having an affair with him while she was pregnant?

For God sake !! Just download the application for a child arrangements order from HMCTS .. fill it in and pay your £215 .. get a bloody court order and stop all this nonsense.

You don't need a lawyer.
Most people do that themselves. !!

You've been with your husband 8yrs and his youngest son by his ex is 7. Is this genuine or have you changed details for anonymity?

Keep reporting everything she does to the police and the social services. You say they didn't do anything because you didn't report before, so start reporting in order to build up a dossier of her behaviour.

Your husband needs to file for full custody.

It doesn’t t matter if op was ow and they had an affair as painful as that would have been ( if the case)

she is an alcoholic and is a danger to herself and children and is abusive to the op. That’s not acceptable and is both an immediate safeguarding issue and also an emotional abuse of the boys issues. Not ok
at all and the ex cannot be excused just because she was hurt 8 years ago

yup.shocking!

Were you the OW? You've been together 8 years but his son is only 7?

But it does give context and makes it clear that the op whilst proclaiming the ex is truest human being ever, is actually pretty lacking in moral compass and behaviour herself.

OP perhaps had you conducted yourself and your life with more morality and dignity and consideration for others you wouldn't have ended up as a cheater with a cheater as a partner and a shit show of a life

And op upset dh's ex is ruining her second pregnancy as she did with her first, so she can't 'enjoy' it. Pot.Kettle.black. Karma.

Your DH should raise court proceedings by way of a C100 (costs £232) and litigate through family court in person. The initial safeguarding checks by CAFCASS will flag up mum's issues and a court order will be made in the best interests of the kids.

It's a legitimate thing to ask. The cost of raising a child is far more than a solicitor.

Block her on every avenue and only use the parenting app to organise contact, although presumably the older child has a phone? Don’t answer unrecognised numbers. She sounds like a monster. Don’t let her ruin this pregnancy.

So if someone causes you hurt it's fine to threaten them and be so drunk you can't properly care for your children? It was 8 years ago. Time to move on.

@Crystallizedring
Oh absolutely the ex is quite troubled and behaving terribly. I'm just pointing out the irony and complete lack of self awareness that the OP demonstrates by lambasting the ex's character as if she is talking from a high ground.
No one comes out of this looking anything but a bit shit

I'm pretty sure the ex wanted to tell the OP to fuck off once upon a time. The OP didn't but now seems outraged that the ex won't either.
It's a mess of all their making.

I wonder what triggered the drinking. It seems like she’s angry about something.

Maybe don't return them and let her go to Court.

Agree why do people keep having children.

@jdh877 you put a grenade under this woman’s life while she was pregnant and now you’re getting pissy because she’s ruining your pregnancy with a few nuisance calls.

So she called you a whore…you had an affair with her husband! What should she think of you?

Be a big girl, take responsibility for the consequences of your actions and live with your karma. If you don’t want to be plagued by a bitter ex W, don’t fuck another woman’s husband.

50/50 this thread is getting deleted when OP realises she accidentally let the truth slip out 😂

Ex is a horrible piece of work, alcoholic, narcissist, threatened me since day dot.
Day dot being the day she found out you were fucking her husband? Yeah, finding out your dh is shagging someone else whilst you are pregnant does come with the risk of the wife hating you

Where was the children when these phone calls were happening??

If I was your DH I would have called the police and advised I was going round to collect my children as I suspect their mother was not in a fit state to care for them.

Obviously hindsight though and easier said than done.

Does your DH have any allies in his ex’s family who recognise her behaviour? If he does, I would get them to come with me to her house, and remove the children and I would not be giving them back until she could prove she was fit.

I find it hard to believe she doesn’t have to have some kind of sobriety test given her history. in order to keep the children I her care and use them as pawns.

When she calls you drunk
you hang up and call police and request a welfare check on the children .
If they turn up and she sim a state again then the children should be removed. .
Always make sure you have something recording when you answer to her or a withheld