To tell my husbands ex to **** off?!

[jdh877]

Hi all,

Cut a long story short. Been with husband 8 years, married for 3. Already have a child together. He has 2 boys from previous relationship. Ex is a horrible piece of work, alcoholic, narcissist, threatened me since day dot. We've always tried to keep things nice for the boys but things took a turn last year when services got involved as she was drinking again. Went from having the kids 80:20, to when social services said she was fit to parent again, she stopped my husband seeing them due to him 'taking them away from her'. She's only allowed him sporadic contact when it suits her. Just to clarify, they were removed as she was blind drunk choking on her vomit when the children came down for breakfast one morning. Social services have said she's fit to parent and need to make application to court. Can't afford a solicitor, or any of the fees due to all our savings being used for therapy for the boys and bridging the gap financially whilst they've been with us majority of the time. CMS took too long to investigate our claims so all this time my husband was still having to pay her maintenance, was warned if he didn't they would deduct from
Wages. Overall, horrible, horrible woman. Horrible horrible situation. Poor kids.

Found out we're unexpectedly pregnant, despite all the shit show of the past year or so, we're delighted. We've experienced loss and infertility so this baby is super special to us.

Obviously we've told the boys, my husband FaceTimes them regularly (when she allows). They were super excited. But obviously now their mum knows...

So tonight I've had an unknown caller calling me a fat whore down the phone (lovely) slurring words obviously.

My husband has had an unknown call telling him that's he's going to pretend he has done unthinkable things to her, that she's going to make sure he ends up in jail, that if that doesn't work she's going to harm me and our children...

I'm genuinely fucking done... I just want to tell her to FUCK OFF. but she's genuinely unhinged and I know it'll turn into something and I haven't got it in me. What the fuck do I do. It was the same with my last baby. She ruined my pregnancy and I just majorly fucking cba. She is the worst person I've ever met. And she's never going away. It's never going to stop.

Police not interested, said she's probably just upset from the news and not counted as harassment as didn't report all past instances. Said it's more of a civil issue but to ring if she turns up to the house. Feel like I'm being failed by everyone. Husband doesn't know what to do, he does everything right and she still comes back with something else.

A nice stepmom? She tore their world apart and turned their mum into a drunk. And a nice dad who can’t spare less than £300 to save them from their ‘dangerous’ home environment. This pair of selfish, self serving cunts are worse because they are the instigators of this whole entire shower of family destruction.

Mum is the only one in this shit show capable of being a good parent but she needs help to get her life back on track. Not a police record and her kids taken away by SS to round off the kicking she’s already had.

I mean unless the op comes back to confirm she was the ow, then that is a huge assumption.

How is it a huge assumption? The OP said herself that her partner and the exes child is 7 and they've been together 8 years. So OP and partenr got together when the ex was pregnant and had a toddler. Of course that will have tore her life apart and caused a lot of damage, to both the ex and the children.

They could have been separated and the ex found out she was pregnant. I doubt OP will be back though to confirm or deny.

If I got with a guy and he said that his ex had found out she was pregnant, I'd be backing off and telling him to sort his responsibilities. Like any decent woman would.

OP has confirmed she has been with her husband 8 years. Husband’s youngest is 7.

Even if OP is blameless, that's some shady behaviour from this man, who's apparently the victim in all this.

She’d have been back to give is her side of the story if we were wrong.

It’s bad, but Lots of women survive that for the sake of their kids without turning to drink

op didn't 'destroy her life' get a grip. this psychopath is threatening and harassing OP. would you tolerate someone threatening this??? I'm sure you piss port wine don't you

I think people are just ponting out there's another side to this story, which coupled with a DH who isn't so worried he can find a few hundred pounds to do what's needed, but can keep having children, makes people wonder what full story is.

Either things are as awful as OP says and it's appalling that her and DH (and others) haven't done more to protect the DC, or there's some exaggeration.

oh dear it seems everyone on this thread is such a perfect person!
funny how you all had so much sympathy and care for OP until you jumped to a conclusion without op even having chance to return.
maybe OP has a life with better things to do than refresh the mumsnet thread or give attention to nasty women?
OP ignore these awful resources. contact SS, and next time this women harasses you record it and call for a welfare check on the children straight away.

Ah well, that's OK then to destroy someone's life, because lots of wonen end up surviving it.

I don't think anyone on this thread is perfect, nor do they profess to be. I'm certainly not, I've made my fair share of mistakes. But to get with and stay with a guy who has a pregnant partner and little toddler? Would you sink so low?

I know but we don't know the full story really. Unfortunately I don't think we will ever know. I admit it doesn't look good and DH seems to be pumping out kids left right and centre but can't afford a lawyer as others have said. At the moment I'm keeping an open mind on the OP but feel sorry for the kids. If the ex was that worried about her kids she would get help with the alcohol problems.

I'm not sure we need the entire history other than the fact that there was an 'overlap' when a baby was on the way and a young toddler was on the scene. I do agree with you though in that it's the children that are the victims in all of this. Victims of the OP and partners actions. And the ex, she's a victim in it all really as well.

Anyway, enough time spent on this thread for me today, I'm just saddened by how many horrible people there are out there who would act in such a dishonourable way as the OP and partner have

No one comes out of it well, what's irked me is the OP's talk of the ex's awfulness without any acknowledgement that the woman's likely a bit broken precisely because of her and DH behaviour. It doesn't make any of it OK, those poor children are been let down on all fronts, not least by the father who's apparently powerless to help them.

Ex may well be awful, but OP and DH need to look at themselves too.

I don’t know what pissing port wine means.

I wouldn’t be in this situation though because I wouldn’t sleep with a married man, let alone with a pregnant wife and a toddler. There is nothing so unattractive as a wedding ring.

sympathies changed when people realised this is a situation of her own making. The ex is a victim as much as the children.

To suggest people are perfect because they abhor women who sleep with married men is insane. And if you are happy to be the OW own your actions and the consequences of your action.

Out of interest, is it nastier to tear a family apart or dislike people who do?

Record all withheld phone calls when you get them.
Keep a log of every time she calls.
Don’t engage or retaliate.
Contsct SS again.

No - even if she was the OW at that point and that caused an issue in the immediate term which would be understandable - 7 years on, still weaponising that pain against the whole world including your children is not ok. If that was the situation then yes they may never be on the best of terms but it is more likely that this behaviour was pre-existing and has simply continued. OP if you are still reading… don’t respond. Log everything, report regularly to police and to SC when any threatening behaviour arises or wherever there is a concern for children. Have dates and specifics logged too.

But what came first the drinking or the husbands behaviour

I have known many women who have had to cope with their dh’s affairs and being left pregnant and already with a toddler/young child and I don’t know a single one who has turned to drinking. The need to look after their children takes over. I think the drinking was always there. It probably got to a point where the father did go out looking for someone else and exw probably didn’t notice till it was too late.

<strong>Social worker very much sees her as a 'warrior' who's overcome her problems</strong>

Have you pointed out she clearly has not overcome her problems

Mr Cheaty pants isn’t posting on MN or worrying about his kids. He won’t even take on evening bar work or a morning cleaning job for a month to scrape together £300 to go to court.

Happy to have another kid though. Not bothered about the two who are left in chaos due to his poor choices. A good father would do his best to help his ex for the sake of his children (but that’s hard to do when you have cheated on her).

Cheaters often say ‘kids are resilient, they’ll want me to be happy’.

I hope his ex realises she’s best off without him and turns it around.

I think it's irrelevant OP is the 'other woman'.
What's relevant is a father that can't spend a few hundreds fighting for his kids (if their mum is as they say).

And a stepmother that is worried mainly with another adult harassing her rather then helping her DH fight for his kids.

Plus 'no savings' cause they have been looking after HIS kids...but we actually got pregnant recently and are keeping the baby...despite we have no money🙄

Aaaaaaandddd the Ex is here!