Aibu to ask DH to come home immediately from business trip?

[Sosomuchpain]

So I have an unknown bowel condition, waiting for exploratory surgery to find cause.

my symptoms are basically pain huge swelling, fatigue and so much mucous (sorry tmi)

ive had every test in the book all fine. Except when I’ve had extreme pain to the Point of vomiting I’ve had bloods that have shown high inflammation markers, and random stool tests that have shown high calprotectin.

hubs is working away, I’ve got the dcs who are preschool age and toddler, im working but I’m having a massive flare up and I’ve been sick from the pain. I can’t take any codeine due to an allergy and the usuals don’t touch the sides. Genuinely concerned I can’t manage the kids. I can’t really stand up straight, my mind is a mess (due to being in pain), can’t take the slightest touch on my tummy.

no family or friends that can/ will help. It’s not unreasonable to ask him to come home is it?

Could it be gallstones? I was in a and e over the weekend with horrendous pain and had a scan which confirmed this. It doesn't answer your question but your symptoms sound similar to mine. I'm awaiting surgery.

Elevated inflammatory markers + calprotectin usually means ulcerative colitis or chron's.

Sorry if this has been suggested, but have you tried a really strict food diary?

I have minor intolerances, legions and endo. Intolerances were severe as a child, but mild as an adult unless I hit on the wrong things then at worst it's absolute agony and bloating relieved only by dyhorria and vomiting.

Then a couple of weeks of tenderness and repeat flare ups at the tiniest thing. Then a couple of months of extra sensitivity.

My worst things are nuts, beans, chick peas, dairy, soya.

Wowwwww smh

I once posted on social media from ICU.

Have you been tested for coeliac?

@Sosomuchpain I'm sure you've done this, but have you kept a food and drink diary for 4-6 weeks?

Have you tried Yorktest.com ? They do a food intolerance test and an allergy test. My DD had them done, it confirmed something that we knew, but also confirmed something that we had no idea about. It's approx £200 for both. I'd definitely recommend them.

Also, have you tried buscopan? I get awful stomach cramps and bloating (9months pregnant bloating) and this works.

Lastly, do you have alternatives to milk/dairy? Cut them out if so and see if there's any difference.

Wishing you better.

You poor love 😢 hope you get some sleep and feel a bit better tomorrow 💐

Why don’t you find emergency childcare/nanny or use an app like bubble?

Have you been tested for coeliac disease? Including camera down your throat? The bloating and mucous make that sound possible. Problem is a blood test can show a false negative l.

Also could be more than one thing and they are looking for 1 big thing.

Rambling a but here but have you kept a food and period diary so you can see if there are any links, no good for this flare up but would be good to take to the dr with you next time.

@Sosomuchpain I wonder if some of this is stress due to DH being so uncaring. I once had terrible pain which went when I ditched my then boyfriend years ago. I say now my body was trying to tell me he wasn’t right for me.

By definition, it’s IBD not IBS if your inflammatory markers and faecal calprotectin are raised during flares

Ahh bless you. My friend suffers with this from time to time. She’s tough but finds these flare ups so debilitating. She’s having keyhole surgery next week so there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, ask him to come home. If you feel it’s too much to manage you’re probably right. Don’t feel bad. You’d do the same for him. He might be glad to get out of the meal. 😉 x

What massive circle of arseholes you have married into, and I include your "D"H in that.

When you are better and he is home I suggest a fucking great row. Normally chatting would help but this level of selfishness and lack of care, its time to lose your shit (no pun intended).

Thinking of you. I am in the East Midlands and happy to assist if I can.

It’s not unreasonable! Hope ur ok,
I had all these symptoms, after so many tests etc, I had a colonoscopy and 22 biopsies taken from my bowel, where they found I have collagenous microscopic colitis . It sucks, get him home if you can and get some rest. X

Sorry if I haven’t read through this thread properly but please demand a colonoscopy if you haven’t already. Sounds a lot like IBD (crohns or ulcerative colitis). So sorry to hear what you are going through, just awful xx

It’s not all in your head if your inflammatory markers and calprotectin are raised. Those are indicators of IBD, not IBS - so Crohn’s or colitis. I’m surprised they haven’t done a colonoscopy before going for surgery.

This is quite shit! I was going to say that I'm sure he'd want to know - I can't imagine not wanting to know if my partner was in severe pain so I could work out any way I could help, and screw the presentation if it's affected 🙄 I have nothing helpful or practical to say but sorry you're dealing with this on top of an awful medical issue! Hope you get answers soon

This made me laugh, well said
I hope you feel better soon

Because there is a slight difference between in essence texting, and picking up a 13kg 18 month old into the back of a suv, and same with a 4 year old, bending down getting them changed etc, it’s subtle but it’s there
huge congratulations on pointing out the really fucking obvious with grace while unwell. Like no shit Sherlock, these two things are not the same. I’m sorry your dh is so nasty. They are his children too.

My dh would always come back if needed....that's our plan. I bet he'd come back if one of the kids was rushed into hospital.

I’ve had similar symptoms. Although I have no idea of what you have, I’m my case it ended up being put down to internal angioedema. This was after I had repeat swelling of my face, which usually resolved after 4-6 hours. There was no allergies the allergist could find, so it was defined as idiopatic. Might be worthwhile looking at. I did have medication. And I also took a antihistamine daily for years.

I’m sorry OP it’s a tough situation and I would ask him to come back, I can’t fathom why anyone would suggest otherwise.

As always with Mumsnet threads I do wonder where all of these emergency babysitters that people seem to think you can just phone and book like ordering a takeaway are exactly?

Why post if only to be nasty? FWIW phones tend to be a bit easier to handle than small children.

No of course not. When one parent can't take care of the DC the other needs to step in. No question about it. If you're as unwell as you sound it's potentially unsafe for you to be in sole charge of such young DC, and he should come home for their sake if not for yours.