Aibu to ask DH to come home immediately from business trip?

[Sosomuchpain]

So I have an unknown bowel condition, waiting for exploratory surgery to find cause.

my symptoms are basically pain huge swelling, fatigue and so much mucous (sorry tmi)

ive had every test in the book all fine. Except when I’ve had extreme pain to the Point of vomiting I’ve had bloods that have shown high inflammation markers, and random stool tests that have shown high calprotectin.

hubs is working away, I’ve got the dcs who are preschool age and toddler, im working but I’m having a massive flare up and I’ve been sick from the pain. I can’t take any codeine due to an allergy and the usuals don’t touch the sides. Genuinely concerned I can’t manage the kids. I can’t really stand up straight, my mind is a mess (due to being in pain), can’t take the slightest touch on my tummy.

no family or friends that can/ will help. It’s not unreasonable to ask him to come home is it?

Sadly nothing, I never get scanned there and then, so I only go if I feel like I might collapse so I tend to go with the logic if I do black out better here than at home

Wfh today and I’ll ask tomorrow to , im going away Friday for a week ( if I can now) so I don’t wNt to look like I’m having it on

OP where are your DC now?

I would ask him to come home, aside from you suffering if you're that unwell it's not really safe for you to be looking after a toddler.
Hope you feel better soon

I’m disgusted with him, the venom on his face speaking to him this evening

Ah …

There’s no going back from venom. I’m so sorry.

You need someone on your side. (Apart from an almost unanimous MN thread! We understand, and want you to get better.)

Horrible reaction from DH, OP. If you earn the same as him, have a serious think about whether you could manage without him (what would divorce look like?). Could you a afford a smaller 2-bed house by yourself? Don’t need to take any action now, but just getting your ducks in a row, as they say on mumsnet. A partner not being concerned when you’re ill is a serious red flag. And if his highness is so angry at being interrupted at work, I hope you treat him the same way if he ever interrupts you while you WFH.

RE: help with the kids. Ask around if any of the staff at preschool or nursery do babysitting on the side. They often do. Then you can find someone you trust. Have an evening out to test them out, get them on WhatsApp. You need to have some sort of local backup. Also if you really can’t manage getting them ready for school/nursery tomorrow, consider pulling a sickie (you and them). Say they’ve got a temperature. Have a pjs and tv day.

Wishing you all the best. I have a chronic pain condition caused by vascular issues in my abdomen and it is hard to parent with. Women are always expected to just get on with it.

Your in laws would rather you suffer, your husband come back early or the kids go into temp foster care rather than help you out?
What a bag of dicks.

I'm so sorry you can't count on your DH, he should at least have some sympathy even if he doesn't come home. What an utter bastard.

Hey OP, YANBU, your husband is a dick, and I’m sorry you’re suffering so much. If you were my friend I’d be there like a shot, but sadly I can only send good vibes via the interwebs.

On the subject of your illness, have the doctors looked into chronic pancreatitis? I have a relative who struggled for years trying to get a diagnosis with similar symptoms, and after about 10 years was finally diagnosed with chronic pancreatitis. I don't know how much your symptoms overlap but thought it was worth a mention

so I had something that sounds similar, it came and went, but flare ups became increasingly worse to the point I went entirely white and wouldn't move for the pain. Turned out to be amebic dysentary, easily treated with a course of metronidazole. Hope you get an answer soon

The mucus, vomiting and extreme pain were my symptoms when I had pancreatitis. But that's pain in upper abdomen too?

I'm sorry you're going through such a horrible time, OP 😔

After being right blighters they are in bed.

the school run nearly polished me off, having to fight my youngest into his seat and him running away. Not ashamed to say but I was crying in the carpark from the pain

Yeah absolutely they would then they’d probably spread rumours and saying how much of an unfit mother I was too

i learned the hard way after losing my parents that good people are hard to come by. I’d say 90% of my circle stopped speaking to me

Op, I'm curious to understand why so many of your friends stopped speaking to you when your parents died.

That's unusual and might help posters suggest ways you can get support.

Op did any one see you crying in pain on the school run? Do you know other parents?

The most ludicrous comment of the week so far.

Brainless, unpleasant AND pointless at the same time, you little multi-tasker.

I've got as far as 15.48 in the thread but MUST post asap. @Sosomuchpain "Something the consultant said is if I have adhesions from years of a grumbling appendix? That can cause the severe vomiting pain and the adhesions could cause the prolonged symtoms"
I've had exactly these symptoms after abdominal surgery. I'd had previous surgery with no problems then, after this last one, I very quickly got severe stomach pains, being sick from pain, couldn't even drink water without being sick. The only theory is that it's due to adhesions but no-one really knows. I used to get it about every six weeks and the only way to deal with it was to stay in bed and eat nothing at all for two days and it would recede. I didn't have young kids to look after, although DD was still at school, and I didn't work so it's much tougher for you. This went on for a couple of years then, after a really bad bout, a doctor friend suggested I consult a dietician. She suggested that I go low fibre, low brassica etc and low FODMAP. it has transformed my life. I've had bouts since but much less often and I now can't remember the last time. Sadly, no more sprouts, beans on toast, brown bread etc for me but it's worth it.
Please look into it, lots of luck you poor thing.

i am so sorry to hear. Being alone with young children is surely tensing you even more and not helping at all. You absolutely need to ask your husband to come home.

I am separated from my ex husband and am often alone with my child for lengthy periods of time; every bit of sickness-illness-anxiety is so much amplified when you are alone and sick worried you may have to go to hospital and who to ask looks after your child. If i have my parents visiting all ghealth issues subdue or disappear; periods are less painful and so on.

You need someone next to you if you feel so unwell.

Not really comparable to looking after two small children 😵‍💫

You should not be working at all.

If you’re too ill to look after your kids, then you are 100% too ill to work.

You don’t owe your workplace anything.
Your health is more important than a job.

I’ve had adhesions and they are extremely painful. I couldn’t stand upright or lie down comfortably. I couldn’t walk with them. Mine were gynae related after an ovarian cyst but they were hard to diagnose. I had to insist on a scan and they were seen but they didn’t know what they were and I was wrongly treated with antibiotics for months. They also came and went.

@Terrribletwos I have something similar ( diagnosis chronic IBS) when it gets bad I also vomit with the pain, it’s genuinely like childbirth

Sorry you're having such a rubbish time op

When things were really tough for us, we ended up buying in support in the form of a mother's help. Could you look into a local babysitter or similar who could help you out on days like this?

Don't be silly. People manage to text when they're at death's door.

It's not just Quorn, anything can be your individual trigger. Common ones are gluten, dairy and meat. Have you tried an elimination diet to see if there are safe/trigger foods?

Also endometriosis pain sounds a bit like what you're describing - on/off and leaves you weak afterwards, as if the problem is systemic and weakens you.

The pain from endo actually comes from the peritoneum being inflamed; since you have a grumbling appendix - which is essentially chronic low level appendicitis - could this be aggravating your peritoneum?

Could you ask for the appendix to be removed?