Aibu to ask DH to come home immediately from business trip?

[Sosomuchpain]

So I have an unknown bowel condition, waiting for exploratory surgery to find cause.

my symptoms are basically pain huge swelling, fatigue and so much mucous (sorry tmi)

ive had every test in the book all fine. Except when I’ve had extreme pain to the Point of vomiting I’ve had bloods that have shown high inflammation markers, and random stool tests that have shown high calprotectin.

hubs is working away, I’ve got the dcs who are preschool age and toddler, im working but I’m having a massive flare up and I’ve been sick from the pain. I can’t take any codeine due to an allergy and the usuals don’t touch the sides. Genuinely concerned I can’t manage the kids. I can’t really stand up straight, my mind is a mess (due to being in pain), can’t take the slightest touch on my tummy.

no family or friends that can/ will help. It’s not unreasonable to ask him to come home is it?

Sending you handholds OP. I too have IBS to the point of vomiting, but as I have Sjogrens also I have no mucus . Zilch. So either blocked or diahrrea. The pain is excruciating at times too. I now have those anti vomit tablets for when I can't stop vomiting to even sip water or keep down my heart meds. I hope you can get some medical answers and help, and I do hope you manage to get more physical help with looking after your DC x

OP, if I had a pound for every time I've heard someone say "But what is causing the pain!" as long as a load more symptoms, when they have had clear scope tests. I'd have enough for a wee trip away!
Sometimes the tests are about ruling things out rather than diagnosing something.
I'm not saying its IBS, but IBS is extremely debilitating for some people. There is help out there, might be worth having a look at some of the reputable websites? Guts UK has already been mentioned.

I’m disgusted with him, the venom on his face speaking to him this evening in tears, as my 3 year old is worried about me, was heartbreaking.

worst part of it all, I’ve cried yesterdays lash lift off from the pain

I was the 'someone' you mention. The colonoscopy said 'loopy colon', nothing else, NHS Dr. The SIG found the diverticula NHS consultant and noticed fixed bowel. No inflammation on either as was not having a flare.

This adds nothing but snark to the discussion. Many of us use this forum as a a self-check. I suggest you try it.

Oh love, I’m so sorry.

You need a serious conversation with him about the future when you’re back on your feet.

You strike me as someone who's in favour of the disabled being given vouchers instead of money.

@Sosomuchpain a doctor told you that you need to be see at Accident & Emergency. That's because it is an emergency.

You were absolutely NOT unreasonable to tell your husband he needs to come home. I shall refrain from saying what I think of his response.

I've had / have severe adhesions from surgery. The pain can be excruciating, they can be very serious and they be difficult to diagnose.

You may find that they're only diagnosed when being seen in an emergency situation.

If you have the symptoms of a bowel obstruction then you must get yourself to A&E - they are not to messed with. Be mindful of the fact that when used to coping with severe pain one's understanding of what constitutes severe shifts drastically and you might (a) underestimate the severity of the pain & what it signifies and (b) present as more well than you actually are as a result.

You are able to pick up your phone to mumsnet though

Don't be ridiculous. There's a world of difference between picking up a phone and being able to cope with carrying and maneuvering two kids around. 🙄

I sympathise, I've been dealing with an as yet undiagnosed stomach condition for years, and it's escalating as I get older as well.

Not knowing what causes it feels so much worse, as you feel like there will never be answers.

My DH is Police, so can't just leave work when I need him. I remember when my son was 9 months old, i was curled on the bathroom floor feeding my son whilst vomiting with pain. Just waiting for DH shift to end and him get home. When I have a flare up, I'm curled up in agony, in too much pain to speak, vomiting and/or shitting non stop and I still had to parent 3 kids. DH would desperately be trying to get home, but Policing is not a job that can easily be left at a whim.

I tend to just try to power through these days, but my kids are teens now.

Maybe check yourself so if thats your first reaction.
Not lol.
Shame on you.

I really feel for you, your description reminds me of before my diagnosis and I remember the struggle of a 5 month old and being on my own. Sending hugs and hope you manage to get support.

I know you aren't asking this, but I went 9 years not diagnosed. In the end my local hospital got new technology of a pill cam (camera the size of a pill that you swallow, carry a monitor for 24hours). This is what finally, after a long 9 years, as crohns disease. The other procedures i had done couldn't spot it as it was so high up, and my inflammatory bloods came back fine all the time, calprotectin wouldn't be amazingly high either. Not saying you have that, but might be a suggestion even if it means being referred to another hospital.

What do they do / give you In A&E could you do the same at home?

oral morphine normally and then leave me nil by mouth for 48 hrs because they forgot me until my blood pressure is dangerously low and then I’m allowed sips of water

Sorry this won't answer your question, OP, but I'm curious what your calprotectin was and what inflammatory markers are high?

I had high ish calprotection (but not HIGH high). I think it was 250 or something like that (not in the 1000s) and I had elevated inflammatory markers, but especially IgA. It turned out to be pancreatic insufficiency. Your symptoms aren't the same as mine, but I would say they are symptoms some people with pancreatic insufficiency have. Have you had a faecal elastase test?

I think a lot of my inflammation is in the small bowel. My colonoscopy was mostly normal (except for the tiny bit of the small bowel they could see). My next course of action would have been a (possibly private) capsule endoscopy.

Really feel for you OP, on top of debilitating pain, you have a DH problem.

When you're stronger, you need to think about whether this is the kind of man you want to spend a lifetime with. Lots of men show their shitty side when their partner is 'broken', and inconveniencing them.

I know, just unbelievable anyone would make a remark like this. 😲

Are you not prescribed the oral morphine if it’s regularly this bad? If it’s been 7 years on the NHS I’d be paying to go privately.

@TheOriginalFrench yes though apparently menopause won't sort the adenomyosis. Both my ovaries are 'stuck' which they say can be unstuck by a laparoscopy but indicates that I'm likely to have other adhesions. Sometimes menopause makes it better but sometimes not. Given I'm hopefully near the end I thought I would wait and see except my periods show no sign of slowing down <typical!>

@Sosomuchpain can you ask for a MRI? Have they tested your poo for an infection? Sorry you are suffering on your own. It's so miserable especially when you don't know what is causing it

I’ve seen this, the statistics of men who leave their partner following a cancer diagnosis v women is heartbreaking

I don’t have anything that you can’t buy from b& m bargains 😅

I’ve had a mri for small bowel which was normal and not sure what they checked my poop for

Please tell me you didn’t go to work today and you’re not going tomorrow either?

Drop the kids off at nursery and go home and get back in bed.

Order takeaway and don’t worry about cleaning up.

what do A&E do?

I don’t understand why you aren’t prescribed something better to deal with this at home?

oral morphine normally and then leave me nil by mouth for 48 hrs because they forgot me until my blood pressure is dangerously low and then I’m allowed sips of water