Aibu to ask DH to come home immediately from business trip?

[Sosomuchpain]

So I have an unknown bowel condition, waiting for exploratory surgery to find cause.

my symptoms are basically pain huge swelling, fatigue and so much mucous (sorry tmi)

ive had every test in the book all fine. Except when I’ve had extreme pain to the Point of vomiting I’ve had bloods that have shown high inflammation markers, and random stool tests that have shown high calprotectin.

hubs is working away, I’ve got the dcs who are preschool age and toddler, im working but I’m having a massive flare up and I’ve been sick from the pain. I can’t take any codeine due to an allergy and the usuals don’t touch the sides. Genuinely concerned I can’t manage the kids. I can’t really stand up straight, my mind is a mess (due to being in pain), can’t take the slightest touch on my tummy.

no family or friends that can/ will help. It’s not unreasonable to ask him to come home is it?

Definitely ask him to come home. Have they checked you out for Endometriosis?

That is a hugely strong and also really quite bizarre reaction from your DH!
Is he 1) feeling vulnerable at being unable to fix your pain and then taking it out on you for being the thing that makes him feel like that 2) annoyed his wife-bot is on the blink or 3) annoyed at you interrupting him while he is away because actually he is having his monthly night away with his girlfriend (whether at work beforehand or not)? Let us hope it is 1 as that is the one with the most hope for your future stability.
I hope the children sleep well tonight and you can get medical care tomorrow morning.

I haven't read the whole thread although I see you have had gynae referral, so apologies if this has already been mentioned, but if not done already, please ask to test for ovarian cancer. This is said with absolute kindness, and not meaning to scare monger at all - the massive likelehood is it isn't that, so please take this with the spirit it's intended . But from personal experience I know that ovarian sypmtoms can be mistaken for bowel related and regularly get missed. Sending kind thoughts - chronic pain is horrendous, and when there isn't an explanation for it, that's even harder to deal with x

Nasty

Someone forgot to take their "DONT BE A TWAT" pills this morning.

@5128gap @CuttingMeOpenthenHealingMeFine @djs94 @Unicornleapfrog

Might you consider going back and reading the thread now - or at least the OP’s updates?

Call for an ambulance.
Call whoever you call during an attack, to care for the children.
Inform DH of your condition and plans.
Discuss whether he should come home with him.
Have many more investigations into your condition and set up a routine plan for the kids if you are out of action.

Could you be suffering Crohnes, Coeliac Disease or Bowell Cancer?

Well given that the person who cares for the kids is her husband and he said he wasnt coming home and was sick of her "drama", what do you suggests she does?

Her inlaws wouldnt piss on her if she was on fire and she is, due to her condition, struggling to make a network of people to rely upon.

Maybe RTWT next time, yeah?

And who the hell asks if a person could be suffering from Bowell (sic) cancer?!

Op, your husband and inlaws are not useful. So you have to be the one to organise a plan for childcare while you attend hospital etc. Can you access professional babysitters, Foster Care or a trusted neighbour?
If husband will not be coming home, you still need to inform him of where the kids are and of your whereabouts while in medical care.
On going - I would be continuing with investigations and questions to my GP and specialists until I had better conclusions and pain relief.

I think you must go private. It's no way to live and impacts so much. Hopefully you get a answer soon.

Oh I am so glad that you are here!!

I bet that the OP hadnt thought of any of that!!

I’ve been in your position OP, debilitating chest and back pain to the point of passing out and collapsing. I’d had 4 MRI scans of various areas, bloods, saw a pain consultant, physiotherapy, support psychologically. I’d also got to the point where I’d seriously considered the pain was in my head. Eventually I collapsed, and rushed to A&E and it transpired that I had 4 areas of internal bleeding and required 3 blood transfusions and of course action taken to stop the bleeding. My point is to keep pushing for diagnosis and resolution, it’s unlikely the pain is in your head so keep pushing back and exhaust every avenue. Luckily my DD is 11, I can’t imagine how difficult it is with yours at 3 and 18 months. Sending hugs

Read the updates?

Bowel cancer?

I have IBS and IBD (the latter being a lifelong chronic illness) and I can assure you that IBS is far more debilitating. I manage it 100% with diet, though, and only get flare ups if I eat gluten or drink caffeine. You need go get on a low FODMAP and caffeine free diet ASAP. Also, just in case it’s IBD, you need to cut out alcohol, raw veg and high fibre fruits.

you could ask yoru neighbours?

I really hope you feel better soon OP.

How long do these episodes usually last for? Sorry if I’ve missed this.

Have you had your gall bladder looked at?

Well he certainly seems to think so, but actually even house staff have a right to time off when they're sick. If he's not a trauma surgeon, paramedic or carer, there's no way he's so important that he can't come back in a situation like this.

You can't count on him, OP, and you're not in it together. Base all future decisions on that knowledge.

I'm sorry you're ill and I hope you get well soon.

Sorry you're going through this OP, I had IBS for years and was even hospitalised for several days from it. Alot was stress induced but I also had trigger foods (that I think I'm actually allergic too) and avoiding them has helped. Quorn was one, bananas, bran, thai sticky rice, oats, coffee, alot of ready meals would trigger me, including those pasta salad bars/pots you used to get in supermarkets and supermarket potato salad so wonder if there's a preservative that I couldn't eat. Cooking from scratch really helps.

I couldn't imagine caring for 2 young children whilst having a flair up, I can't believe how horrid your husband and PIL are, do they really care so little about you and the children. 😔

Perhaps the prize for the most thoughtless post? 🙄

(1) Have you actually read any of the OP's posts?

(2) Quite how is the OP meant to diagnose herself? If we could all do that we wouldn't need doctors

OP the pain clearly isn't 'in your head'. It's real - you have indications of inflammation, mucus build up etc. It doesn't mean it's not real because they haven't found the cause so please don't minimise it or let your husband minimise it either.

If you listen to podcasts, I find this podcast very calming and helpful regarding chronic pain and flare ups - https://audioboom.com/posts/7473110-episode-63-flare-ups-fibromyalgia-migraines-ibs-pelvic-pain-and-more

I hope you can take sickness absence from work when you are having a flare up like this rather than battling through.

How are you feeling this morning OP? x

I'm sorry you're suffering with both and that your IBS is worse than your IBD, that's awful.

Just wanted to clarify for others reading this that generally speaking it isn't the case that IBS is worse than IBD. Individuals can of course be affected differently and there's a spectrum of severity for both. However, severe IBD is a terrible disease and at its most severe is life threatening. The treatments for it can also be very brutal and don't work for everyone.

Dietary requirements for both IBS & IBD vary according to the individual and no one should cut out food groups long term without consulting registered dieticians (not nutritionists).

Dietary requirements & limitations can be very complex in people with IBD, the disease can lead to many variables. If there are adhesions at play in whatever is causing the op her problems, then diet becomes even more complex and an approach which is incorrect for her specifically could potentially cause critical and life threatening problems.

@Sosomuchpain by all means avoid foods which are a problem for you but if you are finding that what you eat is causing more pain then you need a referral to dietician.

Hi OP hope you are feeling much better.

Have you also been referred into gynaecology? Could be endometriosis