To just feel a bit down in the dumps and stuck in life with two young kids

[toule]

I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old and I'm currently on a career break.

My H is away daily from 6 am until 8:30 pm.

The nursery run takes 1 hour each way. My eldest goes to a school nursery 5 days a week and my little one goes 3 days a week.

The weekends are spent doing play dates / birthday parties, Day trips and seeing family.

The days my kids are both in child care are spent catching up on laundry / cleaning / cooking / food shopping and going to the gym. I'm so lucky I have time to do those things and can stay off work for a while as I was suffering from pretty bad burn out before.

Anyway, I just feel stuck and down and so tied down. I know these are normal feelings but sometimes it feels pretty dark. I try not to feel / think about things and just get on with things, but the feelings get to me sometimes.

I sometimes get frustrated with my kids. I feel like they are the boss of me and everything I do is to try to avoid them screaming at me.

I know I'm so lucky, so I don't understand why I'm still struggling.

Why does your nursery run take so long?

That's how long it takes to get to the school nursery and back home. It can't be done any other way and my child is happy there so I don't want to move her. She'll go to reception there too.

It’s just plain daft to put your child in a school an hour away

It's relentless. I get it. I'm in a similar position and I find it tough. It is a privileged position to be in, of course, but that doesn't invalidate the fact you find it hard going. This is your existence and the only person experiencing it is you.

The nursery run is long, is this going to be your school run for the foreseeable future? Or will they go to a nearer school when the time comes?

It's half an hour away.

The nursery run takes 1 hour each way.

That would make 4 hours a day 5 days a week for the school run…

Walking? Walking with the children our school run takes about 45 mins for a round trip and we’re fairly close.

Do you meet up with friends? Being a sahp can be isolating.

I just re read it so your child is spending 2 hours travelling for 3 hours in nursery? This is too much. They’re going to be exhausted when school starts. Do you live rurally?

@TeaKitten excuse the typo. I meant each way, as in - each trip, twice a day. I didn't express it well, clearly. It takes 30 minutes. The only way to get there is to drive and there's a lot of traffic.

So drop off takes you 30 mins or an hour?

The child spends one hour a day in the car to get there and back. 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes in the afternoon.

It's a school day, so from 8:30 am until 3:30 pm. I hope that makes sense.

You might want to edit your OP to avoid getting lots of similar comments to mine as 1 hour each way is daft, half an hour each way is a bit much but inevitable in some areas. I’m not having a go I just don’t want your thread to be detailed by it. I think if you click on the 3 dots you can edit

Ah OK. That is a long time to be stuck in the car for a child and no ideal twice a day. Is the 2 year old sitting in the car for 2 hours a day on some days while you do the school run?

I sometimes get frustrated with my kids. I feel like they are the boss of me and everything I do is to try to avoid them screaming at me

With respect I find parents who don’t have to deal with their kids struggle the most because they don’t learn coping mechanisms. You’re not doing the bulk of their care.

With all that free time why don’t you pursue a hobby?

You are lucky, most people have a full time job thrown into the mix also.

So you get three days 9-3 where you don’t have any kids with you? I’d kill for that. I’ve 3 under 5 and I’ve always got the youngest with me and I also have the middle one with me most of the time except for four afternoons per week, 2.5 hours each time. Then after school and preschool pick up I have all three. I have to do all the household stuff during this time too 🫠 we don’t have a cleaner or anything like that. I even do our full family food shop on a Monday morning with a 3yo and a baby in tow. I know it’s not a race to the bottom but seriously, you don’t know you’re born!

I give up.

Maybe you are struggling because you don’t have a purpose aside from your kids? I agree with others that you are very lucky to have so much free time to yourself, I would kill for one day a week with both kids in childcare let alone three. But maybe you actually have too much time on your hands with not enough focus, maybe a part time job or some volunteering would help?

It sounds like you are lonely, OP. And mentally bored. I don't know what to suggest other than I get where you are coming from. And it sucks

Get a cleaner, and then get a hobby or part time job.

The world will not end if you don’t clean one day and go back to bed or go to the gym instead.

I have quite an intense sport I do very regularly. Between dropping them off, cleaning / laundry / food shopping and doing my sport, I don't have much time left at all.

I'm never bored and I never sit down during the time they're in child care.

I don't want to jump back into a job right now. I need a bit of a time out. I had a very severe health / burnout crisis not long ago. I need this time for myself. I still just don't feel like I'm recouping somehow.

6am-8.30pm is long time to be out of the house, can DH not scale back a bit?

Can you book a family holiday? A bit of quality time together might help you reset.

It sounds more like you're not sure what you want?

Can you try and have a half day of doing nothing on one of the days they're in childcare? Maybe you need just real down time.