Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you fight for your man?

175 replies

IAmThe1AndOnly · 29/04/2024 07:03

Conversation with DP about people who become attracted to someone else during the relationship.
He said that if he ever became attracted to someone else surely I would fight for him? I laughed and said that if that happened she would be welcome to him.
He seemed surprised, god knows why given he knows I have never been the type to feel I need a man.

So would you?

OP posts:
Finlesswonder · 29/04/2024 07:04

No, if he became attracted to someone else I would assume thats something I can't control

Goodadvice1980 · 29/04/2024 07:04

Nope, not a chance!

Shoxfordian · 29/04/2024 07:07

No, if he can find someone better then he's welcome to her and if he broke my trust then I wouldn't want him anymore

Jokl · 29/04/2024 07:09

I wouldn’t be doing the pick-me dance for him, no. If he’s stupid enough to throw away everything we’ve built over our relationship over fancying someone else, that’s up to him.

SpudleyLass · 29/04/2024 07:10

Nope.

I had a partner like that before - admitted to liking the attention he got from both me, his girlfriend and other women.

I ended things and the fallout was horrendous.

I now have a lovely DH who doesn't play those games. But I wouldn't do the pick me dance with him, either.

thanKyouaIMee · 29/04/2024 07:11

"Fight for him"

Does he think he's a worthy prize? 🏆 😂

I wouldn't "fight for my man" if he's become attracted to someone else in the relationship, I'm not in a competition with anyone. He'd be welcome to her - if he's got a wandering eye I'm not battling to change that, he shouldn't be needing convincing to stay with me.

Luckily my DH isn't like that!

AGlinnerOfHope · 29/04/2024 07:12

I’d do a couple of sentences about the consequences of what he was about to do, the risk he was taking.

That’s it. How can you relax with someone after that?

Mxflamingnoravera · 29/04/2024 07:13

What does fight for him actually mean? Do the pick me dance? Suggest couples therapy? Try to understand? As someone who (like the current poster who is going through this hell) who discovered my partner was attracted to someone else, I tried them all. He still moved in with her after I couldn't keep "fighting" and threw in the towel. He effectively moved in with a woman he barely knew (they'd had snatched moments over a few months) putting our respective three year old boys into turmoil and destroying two families.

How exactly can one fight to save a relationship already damaged by betrayal? You are starting on the back foot. They have the advantage. It's the most awful place to be in and the only people I would wish it on is them.

Jinglehop · 29/04/2024 07:15

100% no I’d walk away

Agix · 29/04/2024 07:18

Absolutely not.

I've also had partner who have been surprised at the idea that I wouldn't fight for them/stay with them if they cheated. Reckon they've watched too much TV that shows women catfighting over blokes. I suppose once upon a time it was more common to put sole blame on the other woman, with the aim being to "win the man".

coffy11 · 29/04/2024 07:19

No way. I was actually just talking to my husband about this. Even if he said he wasn't happy and wanted out I would respect that and let him get on with his life. Why would you want to plead with your partner to stay when they don't want to?

RainbowZebraWarrior · 29/04/2024 07:19

Nope.

That sort of misogyny shite is reserved for old country and western songs.

Also, the last time I heard anyone refer to their partner as 'their Man' was my great aunt Peggy in 1989.

SauronsArsehole · 29/04/2024 07:20

In this instance, if his head was turned by someone else?

no. Why should I fight when I haven’t done anything wrong?

plus some men get off on multiple women vying for his attention. I don’t play those status games

Listengold · 29/04/2024 07:21

No person whether man or woman is worth fighting for if they cheat.

LoudSnoringDog · 29/04/2024 07:24

Absolutely no chance

bold of him to assume you would

EndoEnd · 29/04/2024 07:26

Never.

Ain't nobody got time for that!

I'm not the type to pine after a man who's got his eyes on someone else. DH is welcome to leave, our marriage isn't a prison but likewise it's not a free for all.

bakewellbride · 29/04/2024 07:26

No way!

AmazingBouncingFerret · 29/04/2024 07:26

Ew no.

Tisfortired · 29/04/2024 07:27

Never 🤣

Beezknees · 29/04/2024 07:28

Absolutely not. If I'm not the only woman he wants, I don't want him.

theduchessofspork · 29/04/2024 07:28

No, I wouldn’t do the pick me dance.

If I were you I would point out to him that this idea is incredibly misogynistic

SevenSeasOfRhye · 29/04/2024 07:28

Otherwise known as the 'pick me dance'. No.

Perfectlystill · 29/04/2024 07:28

Absolutely not. He either wants to be with me or he doesn't. I can't control that.

SevenSeasOfRhye · 29/04/2024 07:29

x-post with theduchess.

ringoffiire · 29/04/2024 07:29

No, that would be an incredibly unhealthy relationship dynamic.

'I'm attracted to someone else, so what are you going to do to make me more attracted to you?'

Seriously?

At that stage, she'd be welcome to him.

Swipe left for the next trending thread