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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you fight for your man?

175 replies

IAmThe1AndOnly · 29/04/2024 07:03

Conversation with DP about people who become attracted to someone else during the relationship.
He said that if he ever became attracted to someone else surely I would fight for him? I laughed and said that if that happened she would be welcome to him.
He seemed surprised, god knows why given he knows I have never been the type to feel I need a man.

So would you?

OP posts:
Haydenn · 29/04/2024 07:29

The delusion is incredible. No of course you wouldn’t. What a prick.

Creamandtan · 29/04/2024 07:32

Sometimes relationships are worth fighting for if they’re good ones, but when it comes to people having their heads turned there is no point because that’s not a good relationship really is it. The basics in my view of a good relationship for me , would consist of trust, loyalty and respect, I’m not going to fight if the relationship is missing one of those factors.

buildersteacup · 29/04/2024 07:35

Good grief no! Fighting for someone sounds noble the way it's phrased but it isnt- it's the pick me dance. If someone doesnt want me and wants someone else then they can bloody well have them. I am not going to beg someone to stay with me- I am worth far, far more than that. I dont compete with anyone, if you dont want me then you dont recognise my worth and dont let the door hit you on the way out.

ASighMadeOfStone · 29/04/2024 07:36

No.

Because I'm neither 14 nor in EastEnders.

I'd also be questioning what kind of man I was with to be even asking the question. Does the poor wee love have random women throwing themselves at him by any chance?

CommentNow · 29/04/2024 07:41

No! 😂

I think crushes are normal and can be enjoyed but I wouldn't want to know about it and I would find it laughable if he used that to try and keep me interested or work harder!

On a light hearted but actually serious note, I enjoy living alone, am financially stable independently and have solid family and friends and he is lucky to have me so he has no trump card.

Unfortunately for my DH I'm with him because I want to be not because I need to be. Which is probably why I'm often in the LTB camp on a lot if AIBU threads

Dacadactyl · 29/04/2024 07:41

No I'd not fight for him if he sadly became attracted to someone else.

However I would fight for him if I became attracted to someone else by blocking/limiting contact with them/avoiding them.

If he became attracted to someone else, I'd be concentrating on the money tbh and getting my info straight on what we have etc (I already know this info, but would be double checking it all and moving more of it into my name etc)

Original poster
IAmThe1AndOnly · 29/04/2024 07:50

ASighMadeOfStone · 29/04/2024 07:36

No.

Because I'm neither 14 nor in EastEnders.

I'd also be questioning what kind of man I was with to be even asking the question. Does the poor wee love have random women throwing themselves at him by any chance?

In his dreams lol.

OP posts:
BibbleandSqwauk · 29/04/2024 07:50

I get the idea of working with a partner to rediscover the importance of a relationship that has got stale or bogged down with kids etc but no...having the threat of "losing" a competition to someone else is not appealing. When ex left for ow I did ask him to consider our history together, our two very young children and the obvious script he was following but to no avail. I don't think it's shameful to try and keep a family together but a straightforward "pick me" no.

Original poster
IAmThe1AndOnly · 29/04/2024 07:52

CommentNow · 29/04/2024 07:41

No! 😂

I think crushes are normal and can be enjoyed but I wouldn't want to know about it and I would find it laughable if he used that to try and keep me interested or work harder!

On a light hearted but actually serious note, I enjoy living alone, am financially stable independently and have solid family and friends and he is lucky to have me so he has no trump card.

Unfortunately for my DH I'm with him because I want to be not because I need to be. Which is probably why I'm often in the LTB camp on a lot if AIBU threads

Likewise. We don’t live together and similarly, I’m here because I want to be.

TBH I wonder if that’s what he thinks sometimes - that I could walk away if I chose to. And he’s right. I could.

I’m etirely financially independent, my house is my own, so I don’t need him. In fact if we split up I don’t think I’d even bother to find someone else.

OP posts:
paintingvenice · 29/04/2024 07:57

IAmThe1AndOnly · 29/04/2024 07:52

Likewise. We don’t live together and similarly, I’m here because I want to be.

TBH I wonder if that’s what he thinks sometimes - that I could walk away if I chose to. And he’s right. I could.

I’m etirely financially independent, my house is my own, so I don’t need him. In fact if we split up I don’t think I’d even bother to find someone else.

Show quote history

Some men (often those who are more insecure) live to feel needed. But what it really means is that their partner is trapped.

I’m with someone because I want to be. It takes quite a confident man to know that he isn’t needed… but when it’s understood is then quite the ego boost that I am just here because he is wanted.

All this fight for nonsense suggest to me that he is insecure, which is a massive turn off

KohlaParasaurus · 29/04/2024 07:58

I hope I'd wish him a happy future and let him move on. But I wouldn't put myself out to help him on his way.

I did "fight for" a man many years ago. When I look back, it makes me squirm with embarrassment. I'm sure he enjoyed having women fighting over him, and I was too inexperienced to recognise the dynamic. Mumsnet would have put me straight if it had been around then.

C1N1C · 29/04/2024 08:04

I agree with everyone above.

Perhaps a more sensible question would be, if you found out your partner was being pursued (say by observing obvious flirtatious attempts at a social event), would you pull them aside and give them an earful?

Catsmere · 29/04/2024 08:07

What, feed his ego with the fantasy of two women fighting over him?

No, he could go fuck himself. OW would be welcome to him, if she's stupid enough to think he won't do the same to her.

abracadabra1980 · 29/04/2024 08:16

Nope. Wouldn't lower myself, ever. I didn't. I'm single, and never been happier.

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 29/04/2024 08:17

God no. If he didn’t pick me then I wouldn’t be fighting for him!

Freakinfraser · 29/04/2024 08:28

So he wants the pick me dance . What a twat.

SheepAndSword · 29/04/2024 08:30

No if he was that much of a wimp she'd be welcome to him

gannett · 29/04/2024 08:33

I've met too many people who think the idea of "fighting for this love" is romantic. Stupid if you ask me. A relationship is meant to be easy and if it's not easy then it's meant to be over.

bakewellbride · 29/04/2024 08:35

When I read the title I thought it would be about if your 'man' was in some kind of trouble e.g. someone was trying to steal his wallet / hurt him etc and would I try to defend him. Was ready to click on the thread and say yes of course!

But nope, no way to what the thread is actually about!

PTSDBarbiegirl · 29/04/2024 08:37

In truth, I'd want to fight for him because I love him so much. However if he'd become attracted to someone else in any meaningful way I'd never trust him again or forget the hurt so I'd end it. If he hadn't gone hehind my back in actions I'd help him get on his feet but it would be over.

DelurkingAJ · 29/04/2024 08:51

C1N1C · 29/04/2024 08:04

I agree with everyone above.

Perhaps a more sensible question would be, if you found out your partner was being pursued (say by observing obvious flirtatious attempts at a social event), would you pull them aside and give them an earful?

I have done exactly that. He was horrified and cut all contact (former colleague who started by using him as a shoulder to cry on…). I know he did because she asked me why he’d done so in a special head tilting way.

ABirdsEyeView · 29/04/2024 09:00

I was thinking about this when I first heard the Beyoncé version of Jolene. 'Fighting for your man' just makes a woman look pathetic and weak - he'll either stay or go and depending on what he's done, the choice shouldn't be entirely his! If you have to warn off other women or make special efforts to make a man stay, because said man can't be trusted to turn down offers, then he's not worth keeping.

CommentNow · 29/04/2024 09:06

IAmThe1AndOnly · 29/04/2024 07:52

Likewise. We don’t live together and similarly, I’m here because I want to be.

TBH I wonder if that’s what he thinks sometimes - that I could walk away if I chose to. And he’s right. I could.

I’m etirely financially independent, my house is my own, so I don’t need him. In fact if we split up I don’t think I’d even bother to find someone else.

Show quote history

Its so empowering isn't it? Knowing you'd be happy either way. I had a shit ex and when we broke up I was so lonely and I vowed never ever again. My life is so full and DH is a lovely part of that, not the whole picture. I love not feeling vulnerable x

Catza · 29/04/2024 09:07

Men a funny... What is this fighting supposed to look like? Put bikinis on and get into a mud ring or forgive all his sins for the sake of the rElAtIoNsHiP..
I bet top dollar he means the latter.
Yes, sometimes there is space for forgiveness and moving on but in no way this would be me "fighting for my man", this would be my man fighting very hard to earn back my trust and me graciously agreeing to give him another chance.

TheCultureHusks · 29/04/2024 09:08

Hahahahha

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes 🤷‍♀️

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