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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Jobs worth nursery??

368 replies

MintFinch · 29/04/2024 06:38

DS is a September baby and we’ve made the decision to move him from current nursery to one attached to the school that he’ll attend from Sept 2025. I have just informed current nursery of this fact. Reason for doing this is that current nursery is quite small and I think he has outgrown it. But mainly, all his little friends will be going to school this September and I don’t want him feeling left behind.

last week I informed the nursery that he’ll be leaving end of Aug. Thanked them for a lovely 3 years etc, all very polite. My one request was that he be allowed to participate in the school leavers activities that they do in the summer. We’re telling him he is going to school too as it’s a much more structured setting, school uniform etc so basically is like school anyway.

Message received back the same day, again all very polite. Except they are refusing to allow him to be involved in the leavers ceremony. Their reason, only for children actually going to school and those staying to the end of term (which he is).

I am really upset by this. What on earth could be the reason to exclude a small boy from these events. And how do we explain this to him. It feels so jobs worthy and actually quite discriminatory to exclude him due to him being a few weeks younger. I want to go into mumma bear mode and fight this but I’m wondering whether I’m being over protective and it really doesn’t matter. AIBU to want to start a fight (on email!) over this?

OP posts:
WacCec · 02/05/2024 17:06

Having done the exact thing with our daughter the year before she started school, never in a million years would I have expected her to have been part of nursery graduation. She got a graduation when she left nursery to go into reception.
I feel you have caused this by lying to your child and now having a sense of entitlement.
why say they are going to school when in fact they are not? Preschool at a school might be more structured. Our daughters school they did French and everything was time tabled etc but when she started reception it’s a whole new/different experience.

Also how do you definitely know that you will
get a place at this primary school? Unless it’s private is it guaranteed?

DappledThings · 02/05/2024 17:08

CasanovaFrankenstein · 02/05/2024 17:00

Thanks, that's not clear. So none of the children he knows are leaving in the summer?

Show quote history

No, some of the children he knows are leaving in the summer. Because they are older and finishing nursery to go to school. He isn't that age yet, he's just switching nurseries. So some of his friends are staying because they are switching nurseries and are the same age group as him.

DappledThings · 02/05/2024 17:08

CasanovaFrankenstein · 02/05/2024 17:00

Thanks, that's not clear. So none of the children he knows are leaving in the summer?

Show quote history

No, some of the children he knows are leaving in the summer. Because they are older and finishing nursery to go to school. He isn't that age yet, he's just switching nurseries. So some of his friends are staying because they are switching nurseries and are the same age group as him.

CasanovaFrankenstein · 02/05/2024 17:12

That makes it clearer - I absolutely can't see the problem in including him in 'leaving' stuff. He will be leaving at the same time - thought for a moment OP was asking him to be in a 'graduation' with an entirely separate group. To him he is leaving and will be in a different location. Anything to smooth that transition is helpful. people making it sound as important as an actual graduation!!

Timbuk · 02/05/2024 18:11

You are NOT being unreasonable, it’s absolutely no big deal for the nursery to allow your son to have a leavers party. Just common sense!

We also took our daughter out to join a school nursery, the one she was at were extremely friendly and included her in leaving ceremonies, no harm done!

Seems like most of the mums on here are jobs worth!

Mmmm19 · 02/05/2024 18:22

I’m in exactly same situation as you but I didn’t even think to ask about him joining the school leavers as he isn’t going to reception, and the part of the group that is his age are mostly staying so a bit confusing if a 3 year old off to school and some will actually join him at reception the year later

LittleBooThang · 02/05/2024 18:23

Timbuk · 02/05/2024 18:11

You are NOT being unreasonable, it’s absolutely no big deal for the nursery to allow your son to have a leavers party. Just common sense!

We also took our daughter out to join a school nursery, the one she was at were extremely friendly and included her in leaving ceremonies, no harm done!

Seems like most of the mums on here are jobs worth!

No, it seems like the school pandered to a problem parent.

theholesinmyapologies · 02/05/2024 18:23

Glad you've decided to let it go, OP.

I hope the transition to his new preschool goes well and he makes lots of friends in his year group. 😀

Iwasafool · 02/05/2024 18:25

What a sad way to end a 3 year relationship with a child. He's moving on, who will it hurt if they mark that?

anon4net · 02/05/2024 18:25

We are in this exact situation though my dc is not oldest in the year group, they are switching to the one at the school he will go to. I would absolutely not expect or want them to be included in the leavers/graduation ceremony b/c they aren't. They are simply spending their last year of pre-school elsewhere!

Honestly @MintFinch I'm glad you let this one go. This is not something to get Mama Bear about, or in any way discriminatory. Believe me, there will be bigger things in school. Sadly.

What I plan to do is acknowledge the leaving in some way - a little something for classmates with our contact details etc for playdates etc.

Hope the transition goes well! Flowers

Iwasafool · 02/05/2024 18:27

WacCec · 02/05/2024 17:06

Having done the exact thing with our daughter the year before she started school, never in a million years would I have expected her to have been part of nursery graduation. She got a graduation when she left nursery to go into reception.
I feel you have caused this by lying to your child and now having a sense of entitlement.
why say they are going to school when in fact they are not? Preschool at a school might be more structured. Our daughters school they did French and everything was time tabled etc but when she started reception it’s a whole new/different experience.

Also how do you definitely know that you will
get a place at this primary school? Unless it’s private is it guaranteed?

Graduation? Good grief they are leaving nursery not getting a BA

Timbuk · 02/05/2024 18:28

LittleBooThang · 02/05/2024 18:23

No, it seems like the school pandered to a problem parent.

Show quote history

Hardly a problem parent, it’s such an insignificant request, the mindset of some people…

TheShellBeach · 02/05/2024 18:30

I don't think you actually understand what the word "jobsworth" means.

LittleBooThang · 02/05/2024 18:31

Timbuk · 02/05/2024 18:28

Hardly a problem parent, it’s such an insignificant request, the mindset of some people…

Show quote history

If you thought this was worth raising a fuss about then yes, you’re a problem parent.

vickylou78 · 02/05/2024 18:39

With all due respect Op, if he's 3 he won't be bothered by this for literally more than 5 mins! He's not starting school in September, they have to have a cut off somewhere or all the 3yr olds will want to join the leavers events. Surely he's got other children in his nursery that are in same year as him so also won't be going to the leavers events?

Tumbleweed101 · 02/05/2024 18:40

I think we'd do something for him as part of the leavers. We usually do a music morning where the children perform and then get their certificates. The younger ones in our group also join in singing so we could easily incorporate a goodbye for another child not going up to school.

I guess it depends on the actual set up of your nursery leavers event though.

WacCec · 02/05/2024 18:44

Iwasafool · 02/05/2024 18:27

Graduation? Good grief they are leaving nursery not getting a BA

Show quote history

Yes graduation is what it was called by the nurseries! chill out it’s not like they are allowing them to now do brain surgery! Just celebrating moving on to the next step of their lives!

BrendaSmall · 02/05/2024 18:48

Jobs worth nursery?
Dont you mean jobs worth mother!!

oh dear, your poor child having to go through school with “one of those kinds of mothers”
You need to learn to let your child do what is expected of him, and stop being a pushy mother!
Teachers will start to avoid you, you’ll be the talk of the staff room 🤣🤣🤣

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 02/05/2024 19:00

I definitely see your point of why not include him, what’s the harm and do agree it would be nice. But I can also see why they don’t want to - if they make an exception for him then others may also want it and then it takes away from the whole purpose of the event.

Inyournewdress · 02/05/2024 19:08

I like many others think it’s mistake to call the new nursery school…maybe preschool? If it is one.

Still I totally agree with you that current nursery are very mean and jobs worth not to find a way to include him. Sure they could have done something esp when it’s a child’s feelings and you’ve paid them a bloody fortune over the years.

My main off topic reaction though is OMG a nursery graduation! 🤦🏼‍♀️
What next, a prom? Just dilutes the meaning of things and creates a lot of self regarding faff.

IMHO 😂

DappledThings · 02/05/2024 19:11

WacCec · 02/05/2024 18:44

Yes graduation is what it was called by the nurseries! chill out it’s not like they are allowing them to now do brain surgery! Just celebrating moving on to the next step of their lives!

Show quote history

It is ridiculous though. Ours didn't call it graduation though, just the leavers' picnic thank goodness. I couldn't have brought myself to call it graduation and when they actually put them on little gowns and caps it's beyond cringe.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 02/05/2024 19:11

I think it's pretty stingy of them, op.

Youre not in NE Scotland are you because this is exactly the kind of thing the nursery we use for our children are like.

JanewaysBun · 02/05/2024 19:17

I had similar with my DD. She was a september baby and her nursery "class" was all the school year above plus one other 3 yo. The end of nursery thing was a sports day which they had to practise lots for and was made a big deal by the staff, a note put on the window then eventually an email to me and another mum saying our kids couldn't come. dd was very aware as it was practised for (and was literally running around in the park and a parent had to accompany them so no ratios etc).

After pressing them for a reason why she, as a leaver couldn't come they gave inBlush

Timbuk · 02/05/2024 19:18

TheShellBeach · 02/05/2024 18:30

I don't think you actually understand what the word "jobsworth" means.

No I think you are? It’s a silly rule, a child is leaving to go to a ‘school setting’. When my daughter started at the school nursery she had a uniform and rules to follow that all the reception children follow.

Jobs worth nursery??
KomodoOhno · 02/05/2024 19:20

TribeofFfive · 29/04/2024 06:43

YABU. I get why you’re doing this but I think you’re setting him up for a fail here. He isn’t a school leaver, so he isn’t doing the school leaver assembly. What if he doesn’t get a place at this school in September 2025? Going to the school nursery doesn’t bump you up the list in any way. He will be thinking he is going with his friends but he isn’t; he will be in nursery and they will be in school.

This is what I'd be worried about too. Also I don't think nursery will budge on this. Sadly once they are in these settings you have to pick and chose your battles.