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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Jobs worth nursery??

368 replies

MintFinch · 29/04/2024 06:38

DS is a September baby and we’ve made the decision to move him from current nursery to one attached to the school that he’ll attend from Sept 2025. I have just informed current nursery of this fact. Reason for doing this is that current nursery is quite small and I think he has outgrown it. But mainly, all his little friends will be going to school this September and I don’t want him feeling left behind.

last week I informed the nursery that he’ll be leaving end of Aug. Thanked them for a lovely 3 years etc, all very polite. My one request was that he be allowed to participate in the school leavers activities that they do in the summer. We’re telling him he is going to school too as it’s a much more structured setting, school uniform etc so basically is like school anyway.

Message received back the same day, again all very polite. Except they are refusing to allow him to be involved in the leavers ceremony. Their reason, only for children actually going to school and those staying to the end of term (which he is).

I am really upset by this. What on earth could be the reason to exclude a small boy from these events. And how do we explain this to him. It feels so jobs worthy and actually quite discriminatory to exclude him due to him being a few weeks younger. I want to go into mumma bear mode and fight this but I’m wondering whether I’m being over protective and it really doesn’t matter. AIBU to want to start a fight (on email!) over this?

OP posts:
Pixie2015 · 02/05/2024 19:28

He’s not going into reception he is just changing nursery by choice - he shouldn’t be included

lazyarse123 · 02/05/2024 19:35

Why exactly do nursery kids graduate? I realise i'm missing ops point but the whole thing makes zero sense to me.

Timbuk · 02/05/2024 19:42

Pixie2015 · 02/05/2024 19:28

He’s not going into reception he is just changing nursery by choice - he shouldn’t be included

Neither was my daughter, we just decided to move her early (and the nursery kindly included her of their own choice) and this is not a graduation, just a leavers party.

sallywinter · 02/05/2024 19:42

I’m in the same boat, OP.

My daughter is old for her year group and we’re moving her from a day nursery to the preschool attached to the school that she’ll attend.

We’re calling it “preschool” and have explained that she won’t be in the same class as her nursery friends who are moving over for Reception.

She won’t be part of her nursery’s leavers photo/ picnic etc. I do have a bit of sadness about it but it’s not for her, and if she turns out to mind we’ll comfort her.

We will mark her leaving with nice cards and gifts for the staff, she can choose somewhere special for dinner, maybe a small gift for her too.

gemma19846 · 02/05/2024 19:52

But....hes not going to school hes moving to a new nursery 🙈

Whinge · 02/05/2024 19:55

and this is not a graduation, just a leavers party.

It might be "just a leavers party", but it's a leavers party for the children who are leaving to start school. The OP's child isn't a part of it, because he's not starting school. 🤷🏻‍♀️

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/05/2024 19:58

TookTheBook · 29/04/2024 06:46

This is amazingly PFB. No it's not appropriate for him or the other older children. He isn't leaving for school, he's a year younger, stop trying to hurry things along. You need to explain to him too that he's going to a new nursery class, not "starting school" as Reception will be different even in the same school.

This really. He’s in the year group below. He’ll be going to school in Sept 2025. There’s not much more to it!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/05/2024 19:59

Pixie2015 · 02/05/2024 19:28

He’s not going into reception he is just changing nursery by choice - he shouldn’t be included

Also this

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/05/2024 20:00

I wanted to move my PFB to the preschool year of a school when she was a year too young. Unsurprisingly they said no! She is October born, but that didn’t mean she could go into preschool with her August born pals. It was just life.

CelesteCunningham · 02/05/2024 20:04

lazyarse123 · 02/05/2024 19:35

Why exactly do nursery kids graduate? I realise i'm missing ops point but the whole thing makes zero sense to me.

I'm not sure what you're missing? I thought all sensible adults would understand it but it keeps coming up so perhaps not.

It's a little ceremony to mark the end of the nursery years before they go to school. Our daycare doesn't do it but our nursery school does - the children sing a few songs and tell us a little bit about their year there. It's maybe half an hour and very sweet. Afterwards the parents stayed and the children played with each other and showed us around - that was particularly special our year as it was a covid cohort and so parents hadn't really been in the school after the first day.

They do wear the caps and gowns which personally I could do without but obviously the children love dressing up and so it's just a nice, fun little touch. A couple of weeks after DC's nursery graduation I was at a real deal university graduation at work and she was so excited to see a photo of me in my cap and gown and it actually opened a really nice discussion about the different stages of education and how she was moving on to a new stage at primary school.

Of course, there's always the chance you're being wilfully disingenuous and just wanted to be sure we all know that you know the children haven't actually achieved a formal qualification at the age of 4. But of course I'm sure no one on MN would behave like that.

Ilovesandwiches · 02/05/2024 20:04

I work in a nursery and we would have definitely had the same response as your setting have had… he’s not going to school he’s moving nurseries.

Engaea · 02/05/2024 20:13

"My one request..." lol.

I get that you're a first time parent but this is all very PFB and a bit over the top. We were all first time parents once, it doesn't really get you a pass?

Nuttyputty · 02/05/2024 20:17

Lol its a leavers assembly for the children leaving the nursery setting and attending school, not a leavers assembly because you've chosen to move him to a different nursery/pre school!

Baba197 · 02/05/2024 20:42

He’s not going to school tho he’s going to another nursery! I work in a preschool and we have leavers graduation, 2 of the children who are staying are september bdays but they won’t be taking part because they aren’t going to school, yea they will miss their friends who are but they will adapt and it’s life. I think it’s a mistake to make out he is going to school when he isn’t, he will be very confused next year when they start school readiness etc

Apollo365 · 02/05/2024 20:45

Ours did a leavers for preschool and play school! Some going to school or school nursery (basically anyone leaving that summer)

stichguru · 02/05/2024 20:45

For school your child won't be able to participate in lots of things because they aren't for him. Other year groups will have trips, parties, plays etc that AREN'T for him. Your attitude that he should be included in things that AREN'T for his age group or whatever is not going to wash and will not help him. They are celebrating the kids moving to school, he isn't so it is RIGHT he isn't included!

5128gap · 02/05/2024 20:51

The activities are for children leaving nursery for school, not leaving nursery to go to another nursery, so your DS isn't part of the group who they're aimed at so naturally he won't be included. Such is the way with anything that's aimed at a group of people to which you don't belong.

Starlight330 · 02/05/2024 21:07

This sounds a bit like
'computer says no' rather than them being nasty although I do understand your frustration at the lack of flexibility. They have their procedures and it can all be quite robotic in the sense they have set rules and they stick to them. I don't agree with the lack of flexibility in the education system in general, especially the formulaic way of teaching with teachers not having the freedom to teach in their own way with their own ideas but that's another topic. I'd accept it and let it drop. It's the system to blame not the teachers.

GellyNails · 02/05/2024 21:23

Oh that's daft.

My DS was summer born and he stayed on an "extra" year at preschool (so he started reception age 5 instead of 4) and he attended the leavers presentation when he was 4 (because at that point we weren't 100% sure if he was leaving or not as we were in the process of deciding what the best thing to do was). Another little boy who was a September-born also attended, despite the fact he was 100% not leaving that year. The reason for this was that all his closest friends were leaving in the Sept (except my DS as it turns out in the end) and they didn't want him to feel left out.

It meant that my DS and this Sept-born boy both attended the leavers presentation twice. No one cared! It was what the preschool staff decided was best for the boys under the circumstances.

It's a little made up ceremony to celebrate the children FFS. Not a real bloody graduation.

I agree it's very jobsworthy not to let your son attend.

Scorchio84 · 02/05/2024 21:33

He'll have his Leavers Party next year so try to let it go, it is a little bit mean but I suppose they might be thinking "Where do we draw the line?" especially if there's siblings in the same play school who also might feel "left out" if not included in their older brother/sisters "graduation"

PingPongPiddlyPong · 02/05/2024 21:55

I am thanking my lucky stars that the school I work in doesn’t have a preschool/nursery attached, so you won’t be one of the unreasonable parents I have to deal with.

BuckFadger · 02/05/2024 21:56

I am really upset by this. What on earth could be the reason to exclude a small boy from these events

Because he is not going to school. Hence not being invited to the school leavers activities. Jesus wept.

It is the place to draw the line. It avoids other parents huffing 'well if you let that child go, why not my child' and such other moans.

elliejjtiny · 02/05/2024 22:02

Yabu. It's a leavers thing for the children who are going to reception. If your child was staying at that nursery then he would get his turn next year. One of my children had a leavers thing at the end of preschool and the others didn't because I didn't send them to preschools that did that. I made the choice of which preschool to send my children to and so did you. The nursery your son will go to might do a leavers thing for him to attend next year but this one is not for your son.

DodgyFriend · 02/05/2024 22:19

I'm in Ireland, and every year around first holy communion time, there are Mums of children who have chosen not to make communion, wanting their children to be involved in photos and celebrations so they don't feel left out. Last year I heard of a Mum who put their daughter in the white dress so she wouldn't feel excluded 🙄.
Does everyone have to he included in everything?
How is anything a special occasion if it is just a free for all?
I honestly intend this in the least patronising way possible, but maybe you need to just look into yourself and think about what kind of person you want your child to be as an adult, and think about how trying to manipulate situations from such a young age is going to help or hinder him.

CasanovaFrankenstein · 02/05/2024 22:28

GellyNails · 02/05/2024 21:23

Oh that's daft.

My DS was summer born and he stayed on an "extra" year at preschool (so he started reception age 5 instead of 4) and he attended the leavers presentation when he was 4 (because at that point we weren't 100% sure if he was leaving or not as we were in the process of deciding what the best thing to do was). Another little boy who was a September-born also attended, despite the fact he was 100% not leaving that year. The reason for this was that all his closest friends were leaving in the Sept (except my DS as it turns out in the end) and they didn't want him to feel left out.

It meant that my DS and this Sept-born boy both attended the leavers presentation twice. No one cared! It was what the preschool staff decided was best for the boys under the circumstances.

It's a little made up ceremony to celebrate the children FFS. Not a real bloody graduation.

I agree it's very jobsworthy not to let your son attend.

Daft is the word! I find it all rather sad that the staff have known this little boy for 3 years, so since he was tiny! And although he's leaving at the same time as other children they won't include him in their farewell events. It all sounds so oddly withholding, and a complete customer service/reputation fail.