Jobs worth nursery??

[MintFinch]

DS is a September baby and we’ve made the decision to move him from current nursery to one attached to the school that he’ll attend from Sept 2025. I have just informed current nursery of this fact. Reason for doing this is that current nursery is quite small and I think he has outgrown it. But mainly, all his little friends will be going to school this September and I don’t want him feeling left behind.

last week I informed the nursery that he’ll be leaving end of Aug. Thanked them for a lovely 3 years etc, all very polite. My one request was that he be allowed to participate in the school leavers activities that they do in the summer. We’re telling him he is going to school too as it’s a much more structured setting, school uniform etc so basically is like school anyway.

Message received back the same day, again all very polite. Except they are refusing to allow him to be involved in the leavers ceremony. Their reason, only for children actually going to school and those staying to the end of term (which he is).

I am really upset by this. What on earth could be the reason to exclude a small boy from these events. And how do we explain this to him. It feels so jobs worthy and actually quite discriminatory to exclude him due to him being a few weeks younger. I want to go into mumma bear mode and fight this but I’m wondering whether I’m being over protective and it really doesn’t matter. AIBU to want to start a fight (on email!) over this?

If you moved schools at the end of Year 10, would you expect him to be included in the Year 11 prom?

Hi
Don't know if you will be back but it does seem you have been jumped on here!

My LB left private nursery for a nursery which is attached to the school as in a similar circumstance he was really ready and capable for the structured learning.
His nursery did a graduation which included those leaving for school nursery and those who went to reception. It was lovely, a slide show of photos of their time there and a little garden party. It's still a big transition even if not to compulsory education.

The nursery are being petty not letting him attend. However, your not going to win if they have said no so i would just leave it there. In the scheme of things it's unfair yes, but its not likely to scar him for life. Maybe just take him out of nursery for the graduation day and do something else with him.

BTW we call nursery- school as its in a school and they wear uniform same as rest of students.
Also he has absolutely thrived at school nursery, I was in two minds but so glad I did it.

Please don’t be one of ‘those mums.’
If you are going to be complaining about everything when he does start school/school nursery you will make for a very difficult relationship between you and school. Your son will be made a scape goat again and again through his education.
The best thing you can do now before he moves on is accept that everything does not revolve around your son. I know he is clearly the centre of your world but he is not the centre of everyone else’s. Please be honest with him and tell him he is not starting school he is moving to a different nursery. He will be very confused otherwise, especially come next year when he starts school and is expected to sit at tables etc.
Sorry but use of the word ‘discrimination’ in this situation is beyond ridiculous.
As is ‘Mamabear mode’ as they’ve seen this mode from parents for years and it’s water off a duck’s back.

I'm sure you have the best intentions for your child but you're mollycoddling and it won't do him any favors or prepare him for real life.

Really? So the graduation is now for anyone whose mum wants them to go and not for kids going to school? You sound stunningly entitled! Your child is not going to school and that's the end of it! Why you have told him he is and expect everyone else to pretend is ridiculous. He will get his turn for this kind of stuff - when it is his turn. No he can't go - it is for kids going to school. He is too young for school and has another year of nursery. You are going to have a lot of disappointments ahead when school starts and you can't control anything!

Just like this little boy is moving on to preschool so why not include him, who will it harm?

Thank heavens for a bit of commonsense.

He's leaving nursery after 3 years. How awful that a business that is about caring for young children doesn't want to have a nice ending to that. Reading some of the replies on here I guess the problem is that the mothers of kids a few weeks older than him would be frothing at the mouth.

OP - I agree with you. My children had a Leavers' Event at nursery when transferring to the nursery setting of their primary school. This was for the three years olds going onto school nursery, as well as the four year olds going onto school.

However - you won't win! So, despite paying them almost all of your salary for two to three years, you have to write it off as bad customer service.

I wouldn't over-invest in whatever customer/online feedback you might choose to provide, since it's better to keep your energy for other things.

You do realise you would be 15 in year 10 and this little boy is 3? Can you see there is a difference?

Then there is the fact that year 10 kids will be in year 10, this little boy is in a cohort with children who will be in a different year to him at school because there is an arbitrary date for starting school.

Not the same thing at all.

Please be honest with him and tell him he is not starting school he is moving to a different nursery.

Amazing. What difference does it make to a child whether it's 'really' primary school, or the pre-school class of the school he will be going to, in the same building, possibly the same playground as the Early Years? Reception is also very nursery-ish so it's not as if it's that different an experience to a child.

Or maybe OP should sit down and explain that she is sending her tax-free childcare code to school for his nursery place and legally it is not school, the nursery uniform is not absolutely compulsory and so on. Just so he knows, and is not mollycoddled at the age of 3.

Also: it isn't as if the nursery is trying to protect its competitive position, since they lose money on the three- and four-year-olds due to the 'free hours'. Our nursery was very keen for children to move to pre-school at age three and kept telling us they were ready!

I get where OP is coming from. Babies tend to start at nursery when the mother goes back to work, so my autumn born baby started alongside a cohort of children only a few weeks older who would in due course start school an academic year ahead of her. Her friends all left to begin reception the year before she did - but she didn't stop being one of that little friendship group just because she was the youngest of her nursery cohort and wouldn't be in their school year.

The only reason I think OP is BU is that telling her DS he's going to school too is setting him up for a nasty surprise when the reception children feel themselves vastly superior to the "nursery babies."

We did exactly the same last year re: moving nurseries for last year before school, DD is early Sept born.

DD did not get invited to the old nursery leavers events, and not didn't expect her to.

I did book the leavers party day off as didn’t want her to be upset though.

For what it is worth I massively regret the move!

You are lying to your child, so its setting him up to be upset by a situation you've made! He isn't going to school, he isn't a nursery leaver, you are moving him to another nursery! What a strange situation. If you're that bothered, get all his little friends together and do something fun with them and the parents, a little outdoor party to say goodbye. This isn't a nursery issue, its yours!

You are lying to your child

Oh no. I now realise that when I bought uniforms for my kids the summer before pre-school, and said they were going to 'Big School' that I was LYING.

The pre-school that is part of a school where teachers sometimes teach Year 1, sometimes teach Reception and sometimes teach Nursery. And which is recognised by Ofsted as the same school for pupils 'aged 3 to 11'.

You need to think of a way to explain it to him, because you're the one that's created the situation by lying!

The ones claiming OP is being unreasonable reminded me of this clip from After Life, “it’s the rules”

Yeah the main difference being a three year old won't have a clue, except for the divvy mother telling him he was going to be apart of it.

His birthday is September, he might be a week younger than some of the children "graduating" so why bother for them.

He was going to pre-school and not "big school" though. What did you tell him when he moved to Reception? More to the point, what would you have told him if he hadn't got a place in Reception?

I think you’re teaching him entitlement and to keep on until you get what you want. You’ve been told no. No biggie

Yep. Spot on and totally entitled

He was going to pre-school and not "big school" though. What did you tell him when he moved to Reception? More to the point, what would you have told him if he hadn't got a place in Reception?

Everyone at nursery who wanted a place in Reception got one. It's not oversubscribed. In fact, I think the school rang me to remind me to fill out the form.

I don't think I said anything when they moved to Reception - there was no need to buy new uniform, which still fit. They knew most of the children already, and had the same teacher. In lots of ways the transition to Year 1 was a bigger step - there was more expectation to sit still and work.

Though I remember it was a ballache having to do Reception 'settling in days' when they had been going to morning care, nursery and aftercare in the same setting (7.30 to 5.30) for the previous year.

But perhaps I shouldn't have called it Big School anyway until it's high school 😂

It doesn't sound like he'll be starting a new school when he goes to reception though. I have a 3 year old who goes to the nursery at the local school and my eldest is in reception at the same school its called 'village name nursery and primary'. They wear the same uniform, eat lunch together in the same hall, participate in all the same big school events like sports day, parents day is all on the same evening, the themes like wellbeing week etc are celebrated across both, breakfast, after school and holiday club is all the same one and they're all together etc.Technically yes ones school and ones nursery but they're also very much joined and we and everyone I know refers to the nursery as school its not really 'starting a new school' when they go up for reception. It sounds like this is the same situation for OP.

I agree about the nursery being within their rights to say no to graduation but I think telling him he's not starting school and will be going somewhere else the year after is a silly way to explain the situation to him.