Jobs worth nursery??

[MintFinch]

DS is a September baby and we’ve made the decision to move him from current nursery to one attached to the school that he’ll attend from Sept 2025. I have just informed current nursery of this fact. Reason for doing this is that current nursery is quite small and I think he has outgrown it. But mainly, all his little friends will be going to school this September and I don’t want him feeling left behind.

last week I informed the nursery that he’ll be leaving end of Aug. Thanked them for a lovely 3 years etc, all very polite. My one request was that he be allowed to participate in the school leavers activities that they do in the summer. We’re telling him he is going to school too as it’s a much more structured setting, school uniform etc so basically is like school anyway.

Message received back the same day, again all very polite. Except they are refusing to allow him to be involved in the leavers ceremony. Their reason, only for children actually going to school and those staying to the end of term (which he is).

I am really upset by this. What on earth could be the reason to exclude a small boy from these events. And how do we explain this to him. It feels so jobs worthy and actually quite discriminatory to exclude him due to him being a few weeks younger. I want to go into mumma bear mode and fight this but I’m wondering whether I’m being over protective and it really doesn’t matter. AIBU to want to start a fight (on email!) over this?

In our school the Communion/Confirmation kids walk around to the other classes on the day they're in for their photos & the other kids who didn't partake are encouraged to come in to school for the couple of hours & join in the "fuss" some do, some don't but I think it's nice they're included, plus it's slightly different because it's all the one class, if that makes sense?

Sorry what?
You want everyone else to act out your delusion you are trying to sell your child.

Go into mamma bear mode and fight this? Christ.

good example to set... scream shout and complain until you get your own way?

He is just moving nursery. He is just going from one nursery to another. I honestly cannot see what you are offended about! I also cannot believe that the nursery actually has a leavers do in the first place.

are the other kids in the leavers ceremony ones he's in the same class as? (I know in nursery there's not one specific class and kids staying/leaving can be in a different age range with other younger/older kids) If they are then this is just a bit mean and I agree jobsworthy - there is no 'rule' involved here, this is voluntary nursery so its not like you're asking a year 5 to join a year 6 leavers assembly - the kids wouldn't know one another and wouldn't have spent the last few years playing together etc. And to be fair, leavers assemblies are 'nice to do things' and not some mandated requirement - it would be 'nice' to include your son, they're choosing to make a point of NOT including him - I'd take it up with either the nursery manager or owners, its not unreasonable to show a little compassion and discretion here because, well he's a very small boy making a very big jump - these kind of lovely memories are the ones that form key memories for life (or not if he feels left out and miserable)

And this is how yet another entitled adult is made. We really don’t need any more of those. ‘Graduation’ from nursery? Dear me.

A nursery attached to a school isnt a better idea.. .they don't get the same funding and therefore don't have the best of stuff. They won't do anything different with him... his day will be very much play based. Their graduation from nursery tends to be alot smaller scaled too. You would have been best keeping him where he was as even the nursery class gets broken up into several reception classes they never put them all in the same class.

This is wildly unhinged.

Your son won’t even know the difference if you don’t make a big deal out of it.

Of course it's not sad! I'm in my 60s and no fathers would have been seeing their kids to school - they were all at work, and wouldn't have dreamed of asking for time off. My Mum would have dropped me off and let me get on with it. Everything is such a big deal these days, back then it was just something you did without a song and dance. There was no nursery or kindergarten in my small town then, we were at home with Mum and then we went to school when we turned 5 (not the UK). All very non eventful.

Ahh, no. It’s lovely, and it marks the end of their nursery education and the beginning of primary. We made some good friends with other families when our kids were in nursery, and it was great to acknowledge and appreciate that journey together, and to recognise and applaud the staff who had done so much for us and our children. Ours was so warm and lighthearted, with funny stories and hugs, and then a party after. It was actually quite touching.

It is sad.

And it isn’t that things are “a big deal these days”. It’s that we actually give a shit about children now and have the research to know what’s best for their development.

I feel the nursery could accept that he is also leaving them and moving on elsewhere and, like all the end of year leavers, they could make him feel special too. Their goodbye ceremony could include him, in some way. Even if he isn’t given a graduation certificate he could still receive a goodbye certificate of some sort so that he feels included with the leavers group. As a manager I did this many times.
It could be very confusing and hurtful for him to leave him out of the leavers ‘ceremony’ … or whatever practise the nursery has.
All leavers should be acknowledged and thanked for their time there, no matter what reason for leaving.

However it is important that he realises that he won’t be with his mates in his new class at nursery school. It’s hard for him, given he may only be a few days younger, but he does need to know that he is going to the nursery class and they are going to reception class but he can still be friends with them and still have play dates. And he also needs to know that he will soon make new friends in his new class.
Maybe this is the point that the nursery are (clumsily) trying labour to you.

You sound incredibly entitled. The ceremony is to celebrate the end of nursery and it’s not the end of nursery for your son. He’s got another year.
He will have his own rite of passage next year

it would be very confusing for him to do the ceremony with them all talking about leaving to go to big school etc, then go back to nursery (albeit a different one), then leave that to go to school the following year.

Your being ridiculous. He won't care about the leavers ceremony. He will experience it next year. He isn't going to school. If you turn this transition into a "starting school", what will you do next year. What you want is for you, not your son.

The only problem is that you’re calling them jobs worth and discriminatory when they didn’t give you what you want

I think you are the unreasonable one on this occasion. Your son isn't starting school he is moving to a different nursery. There will be other children at the nursery not starting till the following year. They won't be up taking part. It's a common sense decision.

Why are you lying to your child??

Maybe do a bit of your own research. This MN certainty that the parents of today are the only ones who actually love their children and "give a shit" about them is pathetic. You are an ignorant fool.

As for what is best for children's development!? It seems to me that children in the modern world have far more issues and problems than they ever did before, so this "research" and the blind following of it by parents doesn't appear to be helping - whether fathers turn up on the first day of school or not.

He will have his own leavers events from the school nursery going up to reception when he goes up. I think you are being unreasonable. They make it a big deal for the other kids going up to reception and the events are designed for them to understand theybare leaving nursery and transitionng to the next stage. Its not about your child, its for the other children who are actually going to reception next year and transitioning and its a big deal for them and a big change. You decides to move your child to a different nursery, hes not going to school. Try and take a step back and think about the fact its not an event to say goodbye to friends, its an even designed to help childten transition into a more formal school setting, so its not about your child being excluded, its that these events are for the older children going through a big change.

He will have his leavers celebration the following year at his new nursery. He is only young and be pleased that he gets an extra year to have fun. (My child was a summer born)

As a mother of two September babies myself and an early years educator, I think you are being unreasonable. I am sure they will still make a fuss of him leaving and he will have the opportunity to say goodbye properly but I think they are right o not include him as he isn’t of school age yet.

He's not going to school this September though?

Before I finished reading your OP I knew you'd use a phrase like "mumma bear" 🤢.

Your son is not leaving to start school so cannot participate in the party for children leaving to start school. It's not bloody discriminatory, it's just a fact. If one of the 3 year olds had been at our nursery graduation ceremony when DDs were leaving nursery to start school I'd have been a bit "wtf". It's just SO PFB.

It’s no wonder it’s hard to find early educators when they are called jobsworths for not following through with someone’s delusion.