Grandma choosing dog over her grandchild

[If123]

I just need to get a feel if I’m being unreasonable or not. So my daughter is the first grandchild. I have given up my job to look after her as my flexible working request was denied. I have an interview for a really great part time job which would fit around my Fiancés job and mean that we won’t have to pay childcare. My Fiancé is on his stag do which we knew when I found out the interview date. I asked my mum with 2 and a half weeks notice to watch my daughter to allow me to go to the interview. She said this was fine and wouldn’t be a problem. Fast forward to the evening before the interview she let me know at 10pm that she needs to watch my sisters dog so now won’t be able to watch my DD. She basically gave me the option of bringing the dog with her to my house (I’m not sure this was a real option because the dog shreds things and is not trained and I have a lot of wedding bits and pieces about because we are due to get married in June) or for me to drive and pick her up to drop her off at my sisters house (25 mins away) to have to go back for her at the end of the day- I wasn’t sure on this either because of the amount of time it will take me to drive there and back and get to the interview would be cutting it very fine. I feel like she’s prioritising the dog over my child. Am I being unreasonable if I pull her up on it and explain how disappointed I am to be let down last second? I’m considering not going to the interview now because of all the stress it’s causing. If I had been given notice I could have sorted out a different arrangement. Feeling so gutted at the idea that my daughter is second in line to a dog in her own grandmas mind. It completely breaks my heart to think that could be the case.

I feel for you op, the deck is stacked against you with unsupportive family and partner.

In this instance, juggle everything you can to make it to the interview. Once that's out of the way, think about how to handle things with these people in future.

My mother was the same, she even did something similar to me when I was going on a work trip- due to leave the next day, and she cancelled on me. Luckily I'd sort of expected it, so I had lined up backup childcare.

It's really upsetting when you realise the people who should support you the most are actually undermining you and chipping away at you.

Go to the sister's House with your child.
Mum looks after child
Go to interview
Go to sister's to pick up child
Job done.
If it's cutting it fine leave your house earlier.

Could you arrange to pick up your mother half an hour earlier so that you don't have to rush so much to get to the interview?

I think your mum wants to help everyone and didn’t see an issue with having your child and your sister’s dog at the same time. Just move your wedding stuff to a place the dog can’t reach or drop your child off. It’s not that big a deal surely.

I would be massively annoyed!! You asked her way in advance and then last minute she chose your sister over you. And you have a job interview which you would think she would be happy to help you out with!?

And when op is stuck waiting for the mum to arrive back because she's running late/taken the dog a walk/nipped out to do something....
That's how you usually see these scenarios go on mn!

No wonder there's sibling rivalry. One sibling says jump, mum says how high. The other gets "workable solutions"...

Isnt she just helping you both?
She is willing to come to yours with the dog but you dont want that ?

This.

Your mum is in the horrible position of trying to please everyone but likely pleasing no one and will probably get it in the neck regardless.

Put the wedding stuff in a bedroom and close the door and let her bring the dog to your house. There's no other way round it.

Yep, it's the OP is the only one who's having to change everything to suit everyone else! Sister's quite happy!

It works both ways doesn't it. If my Mum said, can you drop GC off at DSIS' 25 minutes away, I'd think no probs. And maybe the Mum didn't think it was was big deal either. My nursery drop off is that far. I'd expect someone who jumps to 'waaaa you love the dog more than my DC' when the Mum has offered plenty of solutions is no easy character.

And it wouldn't bother you having an untrained, destructive dog around your baby?

Seeing a lot of people saying OP's mum is in a really tough position

"Sorry OP's Sister, I won't be able to look after your dog at such short notice as I have committed to looking after Grandaughter already"

Is that really so hard?

And yes, agree with PPs that having a badly trained dog with separation anxiety around a baby is a terrible idea

I don't see why a 25 minute drive is such a big deal. It seems quite a small thing for you to do to facilitate your Mum being able to both look after your child and look after your sister's dog.

It is you making this a problem, when it's such an easy fix.

The OP hadn't said that she is so no, not in this circumstance. Just around her wedding tatt. I'm trusting OPs judgement that the dog is safe here.

And by safe I mean, fully supervised by Grandma. Noone should be leaving a child unsupervised with a dog, no matter how undestructive they are.

I think existing plans get priority. OP already had a solution in place, sister should be working around that, not the other way round. I wouldn't want my DBs poorly trained dog around my baby, I think OP is being entirely reasonable.
Also not sure why the dog can't manage a couple of hours by itself... perhaps sister needs a dog sitter if it's that neurotic.

Stop making a drama out of it! Your mother wants to help both her daughters and you are putting obstacles in the way.

How long would I take to put all your wedding clutter upstairs away from the dog or you getting up earlier to drive to your sisters to drop off your daughter?

Fast forward to the evening before the interview she let me know at 10pm that she needs to watch my sisters dog so now won’t be able to watch my DD.

This isn’t true. She is willing to watch your daughter AND the dog. You’re being dramatic. A 25 minute drive is nothing. I feel a bit sorry for your mum trying to keep both daughters happy and then you slag her off and people join in.

If I was your mum and you twisted things like this and made it into a competition, when I was willing to help you and your sister, I’d be very pissed off.

Funny how only one sister has to facilitate the help...

so the interview is today? and all this happened last night?

Totally unacceptable, she is doing something to ensure you can progress, plus you asked first!
I'd certainly be pushing back

She’s done a shitty thing but you should really find a way to make it to the interview otherwise you’re cutting off your nose to spite your face.

I’m sure she CAN do those things but she’s on her own with the baby and a job interview today and hasn’t factored doing those things in to her plans as it was all sorted weeks ago.

25 mins each way might not sound like a lot to you but that’s nearly an hour in the car with a baby, I’d hate that esp if it was unexpected.

This, quite simply. She is trying to please everyone- but letting you down late in the evening, when she knows how important this is for you, is just so wrong.