Grandma choosing dog over her grandchild

[If123]

I just need to get a feel if I’m being unreasonable or not. So my daughter is the first grandchild. I have given up my job to look after her as my flexible working request was denied. I have an interview for a really great part time job which would fit around my Fiancés job and mean that we won’t have to pay childcare. My Fiancé is on his stag do which we knew when I found out the interview date. I asked my mum with 2 and a half weeks notice to watch my daughter to allow me to go to the interview. She said this was fine and wouldn’t be a problem. Fast forward to the evening before the interview she let me know at 10pm that she needs to watch my sisters dog so now won’t be able to watch my DD. She basically gave me the option of bringing the dog with her to my house (I’m not sure this was a real option because the dog shreds things and is not trained and I have a lot of wedding bits and pieces about because we are due to get married in June) or for me to drive and pick her up to drop her off at my sisters house (25 mins away) to have to go back for her at the end of the day- I wasn’t sure on this either because of the amount of time it will take me to drive there and back and get to the interview would be cutting it very fine. I feel like she’s prioritising the dog over my child. Am I being unreasonable if I pull her up on it and explain how disappointed I am to be let down last second? I’m considering not going to the interview now because of all the stress it’s causing. If I had been given notice I could have sorted out a different arrangement. Feeling so gutted at the idea that my daughter is second in line to a dog in her own grandmas mind. It completely breaks my heart to think that could be the case.

Do you have a disability or health condition as you say you are exhausted looking after your child alone for a week? I would be put out if my mum, or anyone actually, did this to me. I hope you get someone who can help you out for a couple of hours and make it to the interview xx

Oops! The response from usc is a great example from my point of view of how responses on mumsnet can be highly coloured It's so sad to see such a judgemental comment about the grandparent in the original post being judged so harshly as unreliable to be kept at arms length...the poster was stressed that was clear and as already been noted we only get one point of view but her mum did come up with a solution which worked and she must've had a busy day after all. Why post that comment about your parents moving 4 hours away when you were pregnant.....did you see your unpaid childminding literally disappear into the distance?? Yes I'm being provocative but grandparents can still love and adore their grandkids yet not want to spend all their time with them...we all know that kids are hard work and when you r getting on in years it can take it right out of you. so many parents seem to assume grandparents are there as childcare options for them...I can feel tempers rising already but be honest we've all either done it or thought about it. Have you ever really thought about how grandparents may sometimes not want to for their own good reason And don't feel able to refuse? And be fair looking after your grandchild is unpaid labour....too many just believe because it's a grandchild parents have to step up and do it. Going back to the post from us who describes people going above and beyond to find solutions for childcare issues....be honest how many times will that be asking a grandparent (at short notice) to help out ...I don't expect these views to be popular but please think about them....and I'm pleased that it all seems to have worked out in the end. But please try to get back to a place with your mum where she isn't blamed when it looks as if she did an amazing job helping both daughters and grandchild

If Grandma had contracted norovirus or fallen and broken her leg, what alternative childcare arrangements would be made?

She didn't say she wouldn't look after the child, she said she would look after the dog and the child if child was taken to her house. I don't think this is letting down anyone, it is in fact helping out both of her daughters simultaneously so that no-one was let down.

Remember the granddaughter is the new kid on the block, the dog has been around for longer so why should the dog be treated as less important than the child. If the dog was not an animal but a human, what would the poster think.

Reading between the lines there appears to be problems between the two sisters and their Mum is trying to keep the peace. Remember Grandma has done her childrearing and was probably looking forward to living her own life while she is young and fit enough to do so. I imagine she enjoys looking after her grandchild, but doesn't need all the drama that comes with it.

The poster sounds like a drama queen threatening to uninvite her mother from the wedding and not letting her look after the grandchild - sounds like blackmail to me.

I'm intrigued to know what all the wedding stuff is that is all over her house. How much stuff do you actually need for a wedding. I can feel another non-drama coming on. I'm surprised she isn't going for the quadruple whammy and moving house in addition to having a baby, getting married and starting a new job.

How long the new job lasts is debatable as she gave up her previous job when they denied her request for flexible working hours. Is that even an option where she worked or was she expecting them to accommodate her as well.

I think she needs to look at herself as it might be her who is the problem.

My gob is officially smacked by the post above me. Its fractally wrong.Its so deeply wrong that abyssal worms look down on it.

But the dog isn't a human being, that kind of is the point!

So you're saying that animals aren't as important as people. That animals can be shoved outside or in a cage just because it suits someone and that animals don't deserve respect.

What "kind of is the point" that I was making was if the sister's dog was a child i.e. another human grandchild, would the poster kick up such a fuss about Grandma wanting to look after the children of both of her daughters or is she more upset that her sister got a look in?

If my granny had wheels she’d be a gocart.

Animals aren't as important as people. A dog absolutely can be left in a cage for a while. Stupid thing to say.

"Animals aren't as important as people' is a perfectly tenable and, dare I say it, mainstream view.

In your opinion. Also am I the only person who has noticed that a lot of the anti-dog brigade have some sort of animal or animal related thing in their nickname?

Judging by yours, the same could be said of what I once saw memorably described on Mumsnet as the doggy bonkers brigade. But it doesn't matter, anyone can use what name they please, as long as someone else hasn't nabbed it first.

Absolutely keep at arms length @If123 . She sounds toxic. Not the sort of person you want your DD relying on or getting excited to see. I would let her do the arrangements for seeing DD. If something better comes along or you don't fancy it, just cancel. I do this with MIL who prioritises animals over all her GC. As a result none of her GC have any relationship with them. She sees DDs cousins for birthdays, Christmas and Easter and that's it. She sees my DC 1x a month when she realises she hasn't seen them for a bit.

Of course it doesn't matter. None of this matters. It is all done and dusted. The woman went to the interview, Grandma looked after the dog and the child (without incident), woman got job, future husband waltzed home from his holiday blissfully unaware of difficulties he caused and everyone lived to fight another day.

That isn’t true: the OP learned something she can’t unlearn: her mother favors her sister and sister’s dog over OP and her child.

Absolute rubbish. She looked after dog and child, therefore she doesn't favour one over the other. If she did she would have refused point blank to look after the baby. If you don't get your own way it doesn't mean that you are loved more or less. The fact that Grandma looked after both child and dog proves that she loves both of her daughters equally.

Does Grandma know anything about this post as I think she deserves the right to reply and put her point of view?

Some people should stop watching all these pseudo drama "reality" shows and get back to the real world and try being nice to each other. The venom shown towards Grandma, a woman you have never met and only have one person's view of, is incredible. It's no wonder there are so many wars in the world.

As the t-shirt says "In a world where you can be anything, BE KIND".

“In a world where you can be anything, BE KIND”

That’s big coming from someone who called the OP a drama queen 🤷🏻‍♀️

The #bekind crew give me the fear! It's a hammer of 'do what you're told or else'..

I said she sounds like a drama queen.

Oh sorry! Of course a big difference. In that case, you sound like a hypocrite

Don't have to be babysitting to spend time with grandkids. I v v rarely babysit grandsons but do take the older one out every now and again. So we spend time then. And also see them quite regularly at mine of their houses but am not babysitting as their mothers present

Quite!

Most people eat animals. We don't eat people.

Good solutions there