Grandma choosing dog over her grandchild

[If123]

I just need to get a feel if I’m being unreasonable or not. So my daughter is the first grandchild. I have given up my job to look after her as my flexible working request was denied. I have an interview for a really great part time job which would fit around my Fiancés job and mean that we won’t have to pay childcare. My Fiancé is on his stag do which we knew when I found out the interview date. I asked my mum with 2 and a half weeks notice to watch my daughter to allow me to go to the interview. She said this was fine and wouldn’t be a problem. Fast forward to the evening before the interview she let me know at 10pm that she needs to watch my sisters dog so now won’t be able to watch my DD. She basically gave me the option of bringing the dog with her to my house (I’m not sure this was a real option because the dog shreds things and is not trained and I have a lot of wedding bits and pieces about because we are due to get married in June) or for me to drive and pick her up to drop her off at my sisters house (25 mins away) to have to go back for her at the end of the day- I wasn’t sure on this either because of the amount of time it will take me to drive there and back and get to the interview would be cutting it very fine. I feel like she’s prioritising the dog over my child. Am I being unreasonable if I pull her up on it and explain how disappointed I am to be let down last second? I’m considering not going to the interview now because of all the stress it’s causing. If I had been given notice I could have sorted out a different arrangement. Feeling so gutted at the idea that my daughter is second in line to a dog in her own grandmas mind. It completely breaks my heart to think that could be the case.

The dog is a red herring here... It's her choosing your sister over you.

Yup.

This was my interpretation too.

It sounds like your mother has offered you two compromise options to try to meet everyone's needs. She's trying to pick you both to help. I don't mean this to sound dismissive, because a human baby isn't equal to a dog, but to your sister, the dog is her baby.

What happens if you say you don't want your baby around the dog? Would your mother get back to your sister and say it won't work for her to watch the dog?

If you're comfortable with the dog around the baby then I'd pick one of the compromise options. Yes, it's more work for you to take your baby to your sister's house, but the option is still there for you to do it. I get it's frustrating.

I don't think it's dog vs child, sounds like your Mum has prioritised your sister's needs above yours.

She'd promised you help first, but has dumped your needs for your sisters.

Your Mum could have prioritised your dc and offered alternatives to your sister, but instead has offered help to your sister and offered you alternatives.

A job interview is important. Your sister could have put the dog in kennels for the day, got a dog sitter etc. but I suspect only realised last minute and asked your mum. The same way if you'd have known your mum had offered to have the dog on the day, you could have arranged a childminder etc

Is there a nursery you use or a friend who could look after your dc at short notice?

I'd also let your mum know in no uncertain terms what a shitty thing she's done and potentially cost you a job by favouring your sister

She's trying to please you both but it hasn't worked, let her bring the dog to yours and put any shreddable stuff away but don't ask her for anything else, she can't be relied on

I don't think she's putting the dog before your child or your sister before you. She's just trying to help both of you at the same time which isn't unreasonable.

Firstly I would say that if you need a certain pattern of flexible working and have found the likey right job go to the interview.

Job interviews are stressful. Looking after a baby on your own exhausting. Leaving baby can be difficult under the best of circumstances.

Decide on your least worse option for childcare. Dog at yours or drive to your sister's. I would be calling my sister and potentially asking for her / her partners help in transporting dog / Mum.

Is there anyone else at all? For baby or dog. Does your sister know that it is causing logistical problems with the interview?

It's stressful this has happened. Only you know if really your Mum was saying I am having the dog over my granddaughter. Did she suggest the solutions or you?

Though I would really worry about any thoughts about this after the interview. Nail the job first.

I don’t think the dog is aggressive from reading the OP. He sounds like he suffers from separation anxiety which is common for dogs to get destructive if left on their own and very difficult to train out of.

Either way the OP’s mum has made an error of judgement here but the interview is important and so I’d be looking at whatever compromises might work and have a chat with my mum afterwards about avoiding this situation happening again.

As an aside, a week long stag do when you have a young baby is taking the piss. I’d be having a chat with him as well about priorities when he’s back.

I think your mum is trying to help you both.
You've rejected the dog being at yours, and a 25 min drive isn't exactly the other side of the earth.
I think your being daft.

Take the child to your sister’s house; 25 mins drive is fine. Just get up early and be organised ahead.
I would be more peed off about a week long stag do.

Been there and let me tell you, it's not about the dog. It's about your mum feeling like she can't help just one of you and not help the other. In her mind she can do both, it just needs organising. Not defending how it feels for you but just trying to explain why she doesn't see it that way. My brother has a very destructive dog and my parents regularly look after her while looking after dd. This dog shreds her clothes and toys, destroys her books while she's there and rips up her shoes. But my parents don't feel like they can say yes to looking after my daughter and no to looking after my brothers dog, so they try everything to do both.

That's what your mum is doing.

Contact the place you are interviewing at and let them know your childcare has fallen through and you have to bring her with you or rearrange the interview.

Don't do that, that makes the Op look incredible flaky.
Take child to the grandma. 25min is nothing. The lo doesn't even need to be dressed bung her in the car and granny can deal dress her when she's there.

I agree - that is really shitty of her to agree to do a favour for you then dump it in favour of doing a favour for your sister. The timing is appalling, especially given the amount of notice she's had.

Unless you have another option then it's going to have to be the driving and sister's house and then accept who your mother is, and never ask for any favour again.

I'm so sorry @If123 . I hope your interview goes well today. 💐

It's not a big deal.
Just do the 25min drive there are back and do the interview.

Your mum wants to help both of you. Don't look to take offence.

Good luck.

You do realise that nurseries and childminders don’t do one off, just for an hour or so sessions with zero notice right?

Anyway OP your Mum sounds like an arsehole because dogs can be left on their own and DC can’t plus you have asked for this favour so you can find a flexible job which means you don’t need childcare. It’s a one off exceptional situation where you need care for a human baby and that should trump dog every single time.

It does however seem that you will need to find a way to compromise here it is only one day.

Your mum should have told your sister sorry I’ve already agreed to look after grand-daughter and sisters partner would have had to cancel going into the office. An interview is important and can’t be changed, so yes you’ve every right to feel disappointed in your mum

This. It is your sister that is causing the issues here.

I would feel the same as you. I would take one of the alternatives to make the interview work, then once it's done with explain to your mum your feelings. And never rely on her for childcare for something important again.

just drop her off, it’s only 25 mins. Like some past posters it sounds like she’s trying to help both of you

Why on Earth would she do that? That’s the absolute last thing she should do if she wants the job. Who would say they are taking a child to an interview?

As upsetting as it is you need to get this sorted so you can prepare for your interview. Deal with your mum and sister later if you want.
Get yourself a babysitter who will come to your house for a couple of hours. Everything your baby needs is available, no packing stuff etc. Don't leave your baby in a strange dogs house regardless.

Maybe buy a dog cage. They fold up.
House the dog in the cage with water and food while you are away and your mother is looking after your child.

Your sister should really provide a dog cage whenever she takes the dog to another person's home for short periods.