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Original poster

Grandma choosing dog over her grandchild

497 replies

If123 · 28/04/2024 23:09

I just need to get a feel if I’m being unreasonable or not. So my daughter is the first grandchild. I have given up my job to look after her as my flexible working request was denied. I have an interview for a really great part time job which would fit around my Fiancés job and mean that we won’t have to pay childcare. My Fiancé is on his stag do which we knew when I found out the interview date. I asked my mum with 2 and a half weeks notice to watch my daughter to allow me to go to the interview. She said this was fine and wouldn’t be a problem. Fast forward to the evening before the interview she let me know at 10pm that she needs to watch my sisters dog so now won’t be able to watch my DD. She basically gave me the option of bringing the dog with her to my house (I’m not sure this was a real option because the dog shreds things and is not trained and I have a lot of wedding bits and pieces about because we are due to get married in June) or for me to drive and pick her up to drop her off at my sisters house (25 mins away) to have to go back for her at the end of the day- I wasn’t sure on this either because of the amount of time it will take me to drive there and back and get to the interview would be cutting it very fine. I feel like she’s prioritising the dog over my child. Am I being unreasonable if I pull her up on it and explain how disappointed I am to be let down last second? I’m considering not going to the interview now because of all the stress it’s causing. If I had been given notice I could have sorted out a different arrangement. Feeling so gutted at the idea that my daughter is second in line to a dog in her own grandmas mind. It completely breaks my heart to think that could be the case.

OP posts:
1HappyTraveller · 03/05/2024 01:02

If123 · 28/04/2024 23:25

No not the first time she’s let me down, just the first time I’ve relied on her to look after my little one. Usually I don’t expect to much from her because I know she can sometimes be like this. Maybe I’m the fool for hoping she would be different when it came to being reliable for her granddaughter. I’m really struggling being on my own with the little one as my other half has been away on his stag do for the week and I’m completely exhausted. I just feel like this is the icing on the cake. Like she’s got to me when I’m already really struggling. I don’t expect a lot from her and I feel like I’ve asked for one favour and she’s let me down last second. What a fool I am.

You’re not a fool. You have better faith in people and you don’t expect them to let you down.

It’s a really shitty thing for her to do. The short notice is just the icing on the cake. 10pm the night before is ridiculous!

Seeing as she has form I honestly wouldn’t depend on her for anything again seeing as she’s proven herself to be unreliable. Please try and find a good friend, trusted neighbour or a paid babysitter who might be able to help in the future. Your mother will continue to disappoint you and you will continue to feel hurt by this. Just remove her from this particular equation.

1HappyTraveller · 03/05/2024 01:18

BIossomtoes · 29/04/2024 12:57

Some of you really should be writing fiction. OP says the dog isn’t trained - that could mean anything not necessarily that it’s incontinent. So it ate a hot cross bun? The vet’s visit was a complete over reaction, it would have been fine. It’s just a bloody dog . Some babies live with them 24/7.

“So it ate a hot cross bun? The vet’s visit was a complete over reaction, it would have been fine. It’s just a bloody dog.”

The sultanas in grapes can cause irreversible and fatal renal failure in dogs. Something you could have learnt from a simple google search instead of being so ignorant on the topic.

ABwithAnItch · 03/05/2024 03:40

Watch your sister’s dog??? What. Dogs can be left alone. WTF. Sounds to me like she just doesn’t want to babysit and came up with the lamest excuse ever. I would
per find this unforgivable, given how
long ago you asked her and the importance of a job interview. Has she done this before. What a narcissistic selfish cnt.

ABwithAnItch · 03/05/2024 03:41

If123 · 29/04/2024 19:06

Update:

I picked up grandma and dog and brought them to my house. She was in a mood of course that I had a made a fuss. First thing dog does is jump up on the side and eat a bread roll 😫 anyway after trying to get presentable for the interview while hearing yelling at the dog from downstairs I was feeling quite concerned at the idea of leaving for the interview. Ended up leaving late and being in a rush. Interview does not go that well unsurprisingly as I was worried the entire time about what would be unfolding at home. Get back and my mum complains that daughter has had an explosive poo (like she has done it to be inconvenient). I then suggest maybe it’s time for the dog to be returned home to let me sort the baby out and my mum gets very defensive about the dog and me rushing them out and threw my house keys in my face in front of the baby which of course causes tears. I am some done with it all I asked her to apologise and said I didn’t want that sort of example for my child. She refused to apologise. It’s left me thinking maybe she doesn’t deserve a relationship with her grandchild. I have no idea how I go forward from here. I would be sad to have to ask her not to come to my wedding but I really can’t have a repeat of this or be let down last minute on my wedding day. What a total nightmare. I really don’t want my little one being excited to see her in the future and being let down like how she has treated me.

Just saw this update. Your mom is a complete narcissist. Just cut the cord.

stayathomer · 03/05/2024 05:23

It sounds like you have come from a very dysfunctional family.

The Sister's dog is an untrained pain in the arse, and dogstake after their owners.

The Grandmother sounds unpleasant- it's to find dealing with explosive poo hard, but at least it's a baby- some children aren't potty trained before nursery, and that really is gagsville.

I'd say this but add op sounds quite dramatic too demanding apologies and deciding her child shouldn't know her gm on the basis of a bad day. Op I know juggling is so hard but you need to take more deep breaths (not to deal with your mother as you're going to think I'm saying, but just to actually relax). There was no need for half of the drama

Josette77 · 03/05/2024 05:52

Charlize43 · 29/04/2024 19:56

None of this would have ever happened with a cat... just saying.

😂

Kinshipug · 03/05/2024 06:44

Welshphoenix · 02/05/2024 10:59

This made me laugh, all babies are different my daughter was crawling before she was 4 months old biggest shock I ever had was to find her under the cupboard at the back of the room when she first found she could move, Sat up the with no issues by 5 months and was walking by the time she was 8 .5 months old . Each child is thank fully different. Clearly we are both pushy parents lol

Edited
Show quote history

My first walked at 8.5 months too. Nobody ever believes me! He could barely even stand, and one day he just followed me across the room! The other 2 walked at 9 months.
The last thing my parenting style could be described as is pushy.

Segway16 · 03/05/2024 06:49

You are not being unreasonable. She made a commitment to you and then broke that commitment in order to help your sister instead.

My mother is very similar and prioritises everything over me and her grandchildren. I’ve stopped even thinking there’s a possibility of assistance because it’s too frustrating and stressful when she inevitably changes her mind last minute.

You don’t need to stop your mother from seeing her grandchild, but if this is what she’s like I suspect they won’t be close anyway.

Yummers8 · 03/05/2024 07:11

AnOpinionInTheHand · 28/04/2024 23:41

Put all the wedding crap away and dog proof the house and let your mum bring the dog. Ask her to shut it in the kitchen if it’s destructive. Take your dd to your sisters for your mum to look after her. Next time your P wants to go off on a jolly for an entire week say he can’t because that’s a ridiculous amount of time for a solo holiday when you have a young child, stag do or not. Book a sitter for a few hours.

there are ways you could sort this out but it seems like you’re just choosing to just blame your mum instead. Go or don’t go - it’s not her fault if you decide not to and don’t get this new job. Can’t be that important if you’re willing to sack it off just like that without trying!

All of this! Stop being a victim.
Also make sure when fiancé gets home he grows up after his ridiculous week long stag do.

amymumoftwo · 03/05/2024 07:20

Everyone that is saying “but she gave you a choice” is completely missing or dismissing the point here.

The mum made a commitment to the granddaughter first. The respectable thing to do here would have been to tell the sister she would check first if it was okay to bring her puppy to her other daughter’s house, or vice versa

The very fact that someone is needed to look after the puppy tells me that it’s not well trained and I don’t know who in their right mind would suggest a looking after a puppy and toddler at the same time that don’t know each other!
I have two young children and a puppy, and whilst he is getting better at not jumping on them or nipping etc, new children coming into our house is a different situation and needs to be done very carefully.

The op’s mum is clearly not bothered about letting her daughter and granddaughter down.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 03/05/2024 07:20

Sorry your interview didn’t go well. At least for the next one you can have a better plan that doesn’t involve your mother and not be so anxious.

Wishbone436 · 03/05/2024 08:12

That is very shitty! I would work around it that time unless you have no choice. Then look up local babysitters or childminders who offer advice services incase u need for the future. I wouldn’t ask her again!

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 03/05/2024 08:15

I wouldn’t be burning bridges by uninviting anyone however “I wouldn’t be being very careful her” with my sister holding me to ransom that if I didn’t toe the line that she wouldn’t come.
Don’t rely on any of them anymore for anything as they will only let you down and I would also be stepping back and away; leave it up to them to make the moves. I’ve done the same and am so much happier.

Stompythedinosaur · 03/05/2024 08:18

I think you're being a drama llama tbh. It's no more "gm is picking a dog over my baby" than it is "my dp is picking a stag do over my interview" or "I am picking my preference not to have a dog in the house or drive a short distance over my interview."

It sounds like you want to make it a competition for your dm's affection. It's entirely reasonable to ask you to drop off and pick up when she's doing you a favour, and 25 mins isn't far.

Theunamedcat · 03/05/2024 09:40

You realise this is all over right? Just read all the OPs posts give you a big clue

Delphigirl · 03/05/2024 10:12

I would phone your sister and say “look this is stressing me out, is there nobody else local who you can get to look after the dog? Send it to doggy day care and I’ll pay 1/2?”

AHappyWifeAHapplyLife · 03/05/2024 11:14

Clearly it is for you and your fiancé to care for your daughter ……. if you want to pick a fight perhaps you can start at home. No doubt you made a commitment to your fiancé to look after your daughter while he was away. Things change, circumstances change and other things happen forcing a change of plan.
Your mother can decide what works best for her, perhaps she felt coerced into babysitting but was uncomfortable from the get go, perhaps the dog was her distraction excuse, perhaps from the start her was making it clear that she didn’t want to become a first choice babysitter.
We only have one side of the story loaded with emotion.
Personally I feel that you are being unreasonable and quick to take your anger out on others (your mother). I fully understand that this is a very stressful time and period in your life, and you might need to think carefully about how to cope with the stresses and strains of motherhood.
I don’t want to be overly harsh, but be realistic and respectful as to how to respond when things don’t go according to plan

Original poster
If123 · 03/05/2024 11:27

Update: by some miracle I got the job!! I was not expecting it because the interview went quite badly in my opinion but anyway- will not be relying on grandma again! Seen her since and she’s been overly nice buying little presents for my little one but no apology! Have decided not to cut them out of the wedding but keep at arms length and not expect too much from her.

OP posts:
LAMPS1 · 03/05/2024 11:31

Well done on your new job. And good call on being a little wary of your mum going forward.
Have a lovely wedding !

therejustbarely · 03/05/2024 11:32

Congratulations op!

Americano75 · 03/05/2024 11:38

Congratulations, that's amazing!

MotherofGorgons · 03/05/2024 11:40

Great news! It's always the interviews you think went badly that turn out well. Keeping your mum at a distance sounds sensible and doable.

Abugfine · 03/05/2024 11:56

Fab news about the job!

abs12 · 03/05/2024 12:01

I feel for you. A couple of thoughts... No, she should not have bailed on you, very poor form.
Could it be that she sees your sister as a bit crap and she consciously or not goes over the top to support her? She sees you as more resilient and reliable so knows you will just sort it all out?

The other thing to remember is that your child care is not her responsibility and if she is a bit flakey you know not to ask her to help with something so important. And you have just proven you don't need help... congratulations!

BusyBeeBee82 · 03/05/2024 12:02

Brilliant news about the job OP - congratulations.

I also think it’s wise to keep your mum at arms length for a while, really couldn’t imagine acting the way she did infront of my kids/grandchild. Really poor behaviour from her.